I deserve doom and destruction

We had a SWEET weekend. Well, I did. Me, Amanda, Beth and Tristin (and Beth's sister in law who is I think like, 13) got together and hung out and watched 'Brothers Grimm' (WEIRD movie. Very weird), and ate pizza and chocolate and ice cream and food and drank tons of pop and laughed hystericaly about a lot of things and talked about boys and all that jazz. It was really a good good good good time. We need to do it more often. Since Beths married, Mariha's engaged, Amanda is going to be and Tristin and I work 2 jobs, it gets a little difficult to find time. We planned this like, 3 weeks in advance. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!! And the 4 pounds I gained....lol

I feel like a horrible person. I am a horrible person. I really am.

So after sword, I was on my way to Beth's. In a hurry cause I'd stayed late because I needed to talk to my instructors about uniforms and tournaments and all that. So I leave, and Sean leaves and Justin was there in the parking lot for some reason, and he left too. Sean is on his motorcycle and like, zooms in front of me and Justin is behind me. Sean and I turn on the same street, as does Justin. We're truckin along at, oh 35 mph and suddenly, Sean lays his bike over. Which means he crashed. Not head long into something, but he lost balance and his bike goes skidding over.

I am on my way to hang out with the girls, I'm already slightly annoyed at Sean and Justin because Sean cut in front of me really sharply and I almost hit him, and Justin was driving really close behind me. So I slow down (don't even stop) and ask "Did you need something?" Thinking that they had been following me because they needed to ask me something.

Sean looks at me rather odly and then says "Uhh...no...thats the first time I've ever-"

"Ok. Gotta go." And I step on the gas and drive away! Seriously!! WHAT KIND OF HUMAN BEING DOES THAT?!??!! He could have been bleeding to death or something! Broke a bone and just hadn't felt it yet! Anything! And all I have to say is "Did you need something?" And I drove away! While he was still speaking!

I am a horrible person. I went to Beths and we were all talking and she was like "Shell, Dave thinks you hate him." Dave is Beths husband.

"What?"

"He's like "I think she hates me." because you never talk to him and all you say is "Hi." and I was like 'Honey, thats just Shell" but he doesn't think so."

"I don't hate him! Dave is GREAT! I was so happy you found such a perfect guy! He was fully approved! I like him!"

"Ok...I thought so. He just didn't think so."

And they spent 10 min yelling at me because I so mean to guys. I was like "Can't a decent, non-freaky, good looking guy MY AGE like me for once? FOR ONCE?!??!" And they freaked out on me about how mean I am to guys who would even think about coming near me.

Mariha was like "You like, glare at them! You give them looks of death if they even smile at you in the wrong way! What is wrong with you?!?!?"

*sighs* *kind of wants to cry* Sometimes I amaze myself. I am a horrible person. Not always, not to everyone, but there are moments when I wonder if I even posses a heart. HE COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! AND I DROVE AWAY!! Never asked if he was ok, if his motorcycle was ok, if he needed help, or even listened to his entire sentance!! *hits head repeatedly on desk* I deserve punishment. Karma (if I believed in it and it existed) would do some bad things to me.

*AHEM* Um...I'm not as depressed and suicidal as I sound. Really. In fact, I am doin alright. Except for the horrible feeling I get when I think about Saturday night before the party. Otherwise, I'm ok and am rambling on and on. And....uumm...wow....*AHEM AGAIN* A guy just came in...sorry guys who are reading this. It was just a "Um. Wow." moment. Am back on earth now. Am doing ok!

OMG! I DID IT AGAIN! He was being nice and tipped his hat (he was a cowboy. Rarely are they even remotly good looking but he really was) and smiled and I gave him a frosty grimace! It was a smile...sort of... but fake and...not warm and...*hits head on table* Mariha is right. I am a cruel woman who deserves to spend her days in misery.

Farewell

-Shell
P.S. Plus, I saw Sean Sunday and his arm was all wrapped cause he screwed it up when he fell. If he can't take sword next week because his arm won't move, I think I'm going to have to find a priest and confess. *sigh* Horrible person...horrible person...horrible person...