The winds of change...wait...there Are no winds of change...

So I'm back-ish.
Nothing absolutely whatsoever to report. My days have dragged on and on and I have lived them.
Wake up.
Get ready for work.
Drive to work (though I have now incorporated books on CD into my morning and lunchtime drive. Right now it is Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix)
Sit around at work.
Pump.
Sit around more.
Drive home to lunch (getting another 15 minuets of the story).
Eat lunch.
Feed baby.
Return to work.
Sit around.
Some days I get off early and jog to the gym*
Go home.
Feed baby.
Cook dinner.
Eat dinner.
Watch something. Preferably The Office, Legend of The Seeker, or Heros. We are a season behind on Heros so we are catching up this week. We should be up to speed by next Monday. Too bad we don't have TV and have to wait a week to watch the latest episode. Damn...
Feed baby.
Put baby to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Sleep.
Wakeup.
Change baby's diaper.
Feed baby.
Go back to sleep.
Wake up...

*yesterday I threw my workout clothes into a bag. Since I wore my working dress uniform and I didn't have boots to carry I decided I would simply throw my uniform in the bag and jog to the gym, this way Allen would not have to drive me back to my building when he picked me up, me go inside, open my locker, and get my uniform. Time saver. Woot.
It was chilly. I packed a sweater. It was sprinkling, but whatever.
Well.
At 3:30 I go down to my locker, change into my jogging shorts, t-shirt and my hoodie. I tie my running shoes and strap the iPod into my arm (my iPhone is being repaired but I was able to steal Allen's iPod. Woot).
I go up the steps, ladeedah, no big deal.
I step outside.
It is no longer sprinkling. It is pouring.
But I figure, hey, I've gotten this far, why go back down the steps and put this bag back in my locker? It can't be that far to the gym. Maybe at most a 1/4 mile.
Lies.
So I start jogging. Despite that it was only my dress shoes, pants and two shirts, an extra pair of tennis shoes, one large book and a water bottle, that backpack was 10 lbs.
This used to be no big deal.
Then I didn't work out or run for a year and now it is a big deal.
I was DYING.
Not only was the bag heavy as hell, but it was pouring and it was COLD! Also I was dying. I am a horrible runner now.
Ok. I've never been very good. But now it's worse.
It had to have been a mile to the gym. I'm gonna drive it and see today actually...
I was sopping and frozen by the time I got there.
I step inside and it's a nice, warm temperature in there!
But since I had been frozen, but my hear rate was high, it felt like it was 130 degrees. I was pouring sweat from the moment I stepped inside. Then I had to blow dry my shorts because it looked like I had peed my pants from all the rain.

Anyway. That was my dramatic story. Preeeettyy lame.
Now I'm going to see if hulu.com works at work.
MOOWAHAHA!
Cheers.
Here's Phoenix.

Oh hi everyone! I'm pretty awesome these days! I try to stand up by myself and am starting to play games. Sort of. Mostly I like to be bad. Like when Dad is giving me a bottle, I will stop eating, look at him, and then just gnaw on the very end of it and grin because I know that annoys him. Heh heh heh...I have also mastered the art of wakening instantly! Hold me, I'm asleep! Put me down, I'm awake! WOOHOO! It's like having magical powers...

Sometimes I'm actually pretty happy. At weird times. I try to giggle reeealllyy hard but mostly a weird shriek just comes out. This causes mom and dad to collapse in hysterical laughter.

I is big.

I is also cross eyed.

I am also a snot. I enjoy refusing to smile at strangers. I also enjoy gnawing on things and slobbering all over shirts. It is my favorite. Once, I pooped on mama. It was great! I thought it was really funny!! Mama didn't :(

This is how I get away with everything; by being super adorable.

What dah hewl?!?

And these are my friends! They are my only friends. We hang out a lot. As you can see we don't always agree on things, sometimes I think they say really stupid stuff (like right there) but hey, you can't get much better than a gnome.

Unless you get me.

Woohoo!

Anyway. Next week is shot's week. I was supposed to have my shots a long time ago but then the doctor couldn't get me in for a really long time. Mama doesn't want me to get shots - she believes most immunizations harm more than they help. But if I have to go into daycare, they won't let me in without them. Anyway.

GOODBYE.
*runs off to cry, poop, sleep, slobber, grin, and bellow random syllables*

Phoenix Nicole

So. I updated. Saved the draft. And sometime during the night the draft found some crack cocaine and when I came back to see it this morning it was high as a kite.
Hence: the rewrite.
ALSO.
Complaint: It will only load 8 of my pictures. There are more. I'm a little ticked off right now, Blogger. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER BEFORE I LAUNCH MILITARY INTELLIGENCE ON YOUR SERVER.
*ahem*

So before I show you pictures of the world's cutest kid (that'd be mine. Not Achille. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, sis! Mwahaha), I'll "update".

I'm still stuck in the United States Navy. Hooyah. I'm still stuck at my boring job in security. I still miss working for the investigators. Who wouldn't miss sitting in an office listening to people talk about crazy military criminals and interrogating suspects?? Apparently they needed to do a little more of that in ol' Fort Hood...maybe...idk...really that whole thing is messed up. Some of us talking about creating a "lets trip over his ventilation cord" mission thing morning. Pretty sure it's gonna work out. Suffocation = way more dramatic way to die then injection or electric chair-ing. Personally, I think he should face a firing squad. But that's just me. Crazy lunatic...YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE MILITARY FOR BEING CRAZY YOU KNOW!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOOT UP PEOPLE TO MAKE YOUR POINT!! Sheeeesh...

Anyway, I may be able to get a job as a journalist/photographer in the next 9-11 months. That'd be super sweet. I'd be stuck on an Army base for 6 months in Maryland but NO BIG DEAL!! It's right next to D.C. which = STUFF TO DO WHEN WE ARE BORED. The Smithsonian, theatre, music, etc etc etc! WOOT! It'd be super awesome. Plus the job would be a lot more enjoyable than anything else they had to offer me.
So hopefully that goes SUPER.

Anyway...just sitting around these days, waiting to hand in my request for leave over Christmas. Yesterday we went to Hobby Lobby to find some photo albums and the Christmas supplies were in...and 50% off...I love Christmas...I love decorating...I'm a Christmas decorating fiend!! AAA!! I went a little nuts...we spent 50$ when we could have spent 12$ if I had stuck to the plan. BUT I COULDN'T. TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS FOR ME TO HANDLE!! I seriously become hopped up on 12 cans of Red Bull just by seeing Christmas stuff- but Without the Red Bull. I was bouncing around with huge eyes and throwing everything within reach into the cart. Allen was calmly picking it up and putting it back on the shelves...heh heh heh...I did manage to wrangle 3 boxes of lights and four packages of ornaments to the checkout counter though.

Sooo...I guess this is Phoenix part of the blog now...Here are some pictures. Only 8. Thank you Blogger...

HI! I'm Phoenix! I'm awesome! I don't cry very much except when I'm tired and I like to raise my eyebrows really high at everything. I also am trying really hard to laugh but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. This results in a lot of unnecessary attempts at tickling by my parents and they really just need to back off. They like to have photo shoots and try to capture the most hilarious faces possible. This results in me looking like a crazy baby. Thanks for the self esteem boosters, mom and dad. Case and point: the picture below.

This was part of an attempt to make me look like I like to bite people. If things don't let up on the photo end, I just might make that "funny idea" come true...SO WATCH YOUR NOSE THE NEXT TIME YOU COME CLOSE TO MY FACE! AHAHAHA! *ahem*

Mom thinks its just about the most hilarious thing in the world to spike my hair. I don't really mind actually, I just get revenge by generating some more Cradle Cap and shedding all over her black shirts.

So, while I was in Kansas visiting my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents a couple weeks ago, someone gave mom this pair of giant flannel pants that double as a blanket that I can't kick off. She thinks its fun to just pick up the pants and let me dangle around in them causing the worlds' worst wedge (if I didn't wear diapers). Someday I hope there will be justice.

I got a new dress and was instantly crammed in and photographed repeatedly. I barfed on the dress. Enough said.




Sometimes it's actually pretty fun to hang out with mom and dad. They make funny faces and like to wrap me up and sing to me. It doesn't excuse all the other behaviors of course, but it does make me a little less inclined to gnaw off their ankles once I learn to crawl.

See? I can sit up super good! Also great job on making these pictures oldest to youngest mom...

But what I wanna know is why I can't watch TV until I'm two! COME ON PEOPLE!! I'M SICK OF HEARING WINNIE THE POOH'S VOICE COME FROM BEHIND MY HEAD!

I still like to sleep a lot, but not in a consistent pattern. Like last night Mama got up to pump because the night before I hadn't woken up to eat until morning! She stayed up for 45 minutes pumping. Then when she was done, I woke up! She had to stay up another hour to feed me a bottle and put me back to sleep.

That was Karma for making me wear the wedge pants.

So anyway. Life is pretty good. Hopefully Mama gets that job in Maryland so I can live closer to Auntie Amanda - then maybe someone will buy me more stuff. My parents said I don't need stuff because I have more clothes then both of them put together.

Hello. I only have three pairs of shoes.

The thought of fear brings the feeling of fear which re-thinks the thought of fear which makes it a doubt thought and double fear...

Sooo...
Still leaving the military...I think...paperwork apparently was "Lost in translation"??? See how efficient our country's safety department is? Hhmm...*think think think* Hmmm...

Also.
I have like 10 weeks left? *checks* 10 weeks, one day.

And made this huge mistake of clicking on some sites and watching some webversations about being a mom.
And now I'm about to have a panic attack.
What. Am I thinking??
Why would I choose to be a stay at home mom??
Why.
I'm 21 (nearly...like a couple more days, come on, totally counts), and I haven't finished school and I have so many things I want to do and I die inside every time I see a theatre because I miss acting and directing so much, and I was thinking of leaving the military even before prego due to knee problems and for some reason my little mind thought that I could be a full time mom while...being whatever else I wanted.

And I'm looking at this stuff and going "What...am I doing?!?! I don't WANT to be a mom and loose who I am and be so caught up in caring for my kid that I forget who I am and what I want to be when I grow up"
That was the way my mom was.
She had a strange way of trying to break out of it - she would find hobbies and obsess over them. Painting, crocheting, cross stitching, instruments (she can play I think 7 instruments now, and 4 of them excellently) and she would become amazing at them. She painted stuff that went to state and won and she was invited to the white house one year because her painting project was hung on their friggin Christmas tree, picked out of like 10,000 other people's. She cross stiched entire scenes and you stood back and they looked like a painting instead of thread.
She became incredible at whatever she did.
And then she would stop.
Once she excelled at it, she was done. There was nothing more for her to push for, I guess. And it always broke my heart because this was what I thought all those years - that she stopped her hobbies because she couldn't progress any further in her mind.

Until one day we had a conversation and I realized that she stopped it because she felt guilty that it was taking time away from the kids.
She stopped taking that time for herself and learning new things for herself and making new friendships, etc, because she felt guilty about it.
We never minded. Ever. We always were so proud of her when she would excel at something once again! We still look at that huge mural on the wall in the kitchen and go "You painted that after you had painted for a year??"
And look at the picture of her (and me :D I was her "companion" for the trip) and Mrs. Bush at the white house with the tree behind them and are like "Yeah...my mom is that awesome."

But apparently she was so consumed in her mind that she would step back and just stop what she loved because she felt guilty about it. And I think sometimes Dad would pressure her to stop because it would cost money - paints, thread, needles, canvas, etc
Which I think is complete bs.
Dad doesn't have any hobbies because he is consumed with work. 100% of the time.
Or mime (don't ask if you don't know...)
Funny thing is, his mime takes up 100$'s a year and all of his weekend time that he should be at home with mom during.
But he isn't.
He leaves before the kids get up, he's home around dinner, if it's not ready, he's upset, and I remember countless times it would be cold by the time he got there because he would be home so late and then he would be annoyed that it was cold.

Don't get me wrong.
I love my dad very much and he has been a great dad in a lot of ways - he coached my high school soccer team all through high school because of me and Micah. There was hardly a team the last season and he coached it anyway for us because he knew that we loved it so much. He kept the mime team going for Anne and Stephanie because he knew that they loved it so much and if he didn't do it, no one would. He really does a lot of random, meaningful things for us.
And I know its hard. He runs his own business and has a billion kids and he is concerned about money and providing, etc, etc, etc.
But what I wish he knew was that we would rather have him at home, playing with us and talking to us, etc, then we would have extra food in the house. Mom would rather have him at home to put the kids to bed on time then not have to create weird meals from random leftovers because we needed grocery's that bad.
Anyway.
This post wasn't about my dad.
This was about me being a mom.
And I'm freakin out.
A lot.
And I needed to vent and I don't wanna freak out my husband about it because he's under enough stress as it is trying to find a job in this effed-up Obama economy where apparently its more important to bail out a car dealership than lower taxes or start cutting the national debt. We can pull all those troops out of Iraq, super, whatever, you all know how I feel about that, but when they get back, start cutting military to save money for those bailouts - force them to retire, separate them for a few low run times, tell them they have to do a new job now - one they aren't trained to do and never wanted to do - after 1o years or else they will be separated...
And
Whatever.
Again. Not going to vent more on Obama. Just chattering I guess.
Sometimes its really hard not having a girl here to go to and freak out on. I love talking to Allen but sometimes I just need a girl to look at and go "AAA!! WHAT AM I DOING? *sob sob sob* Ok. I'm good. Lets go get our toes done."

-Shell

Touch my tummy and loose a hand...

Well...sleep is now beginning to escape me.

The moment I lay down, Phoenix thinks its time to wake up! Seriously! I was baking until late last night and she was not moving much, just the occasional kick (just letting you know I'm still here sort of thing), but I lay down...its like my tummy is a punching bag! Kicking, punching, moving...the best is when I get punched on the left side and kicked on the right.



Allen is still in Kansas, hopefully will be back by this weekend. If the test drive goes well and the car shop doesn't throw any fits about anything we should be good...I hope...I'm very tired of being by myself. Living alone was a little fun...for about 3 days. And then it was boring and then it was depressing and then it is just downright horrible! It would be fine I think if I had a car and knew people around here. But he has the car and I work on the other side of base from everyone else - not to mention most of the people I was in school with are done with school and off to their squads.



Started prenatal yoga today. It was nice! I think I'll hurt tomorrow! I've been terrible about exercising! By the time I get home I just want to sleep and sleep and eat and maybe do something interesting (work has been incredibly boring lately, more so than normal), not walk over to the gym! And my hip is still out and that makes a difference :( I keep forgetting to call the doc and see about a chiropractor and how safe that is right now and all that jazz...



But not really any updates I suppose...my chart looks like I've only gained 9 lbs since the beginning and I'm 27 weeks. This is apparently bad. But I lost so much in the first trimester that in all technicality I gained 16 lbs in my second trimester! Wow...thats a little scary...



Hormones have been RAGING. I am a CRAZY WOMAN.

Joanna helped me feel a little better when I was home visiting. She is in her 30's and this is her first child - they have been trying for a long time.

She said she goes off the deep end, often. One day (she has no idea why), her husband didn't close the bread bag. This is normal. And she started hassling him about it and he (made the mistake of) said something in return and she picked up the loaf of bread and chucked it at him! I laughed and laughed and laughed!

I haven't hurled any actual objects (tempted to? Yes), but I say things that are completely ridiculous.

*sigh*

-Shell

P.S. Getting ready for the beach! :D

Troubling

After listening to Obama's speech yesterday, I was left completely mind boggled.


Things like,

"Bin Laden no more represents Islam just as Israel doesn't represent Judaism."

Bothered me a lot. It was like he only wanted to say what people wanted to hear. I am not saying that I disagree with the first part, as not all Islamics are hellbent on destroying things. Not at all. But the last part made me blink a few times. It was like saying America doesn't represent Democracy. What?

"Obama's Speech Brilliant and Troubling" By Brad Hirschfield

Excerpt

"Ultimately, the President's remarks put being productive ahead of what some of us call being right, and that is the path to peace and reconciliation every time"

This seems to be the public's general reaction to this speech. Well, if it helps us get to where we need to be, who gives a flock about what is right and true. Really.
Which is more than a little scary. If you just want productivity, your going to fall flat on your face because not everyone has the same idea of being productive, just like not everyone has the same idea of what is "right". I disagree with people who think they can twist right and wrong in their own minds to be whatever they want - people who think that killing someone for their diamond earrings does it because they don't see any problem in it. If someone comes into your house and kills your family because of your race or color, not because you did them any harm, you aren't going to step back and say "Well they thought it was right, so I guess it must be right to them and to impose action would be saying they are wrong and to say someone is wrong is wrong, and we can't have any wrong and so if what I think differs from what they think I am wrong but..." and you end up talking yourself in a circle of madness.
Just get something in your head. There is wrong. And there is right. Just because you believe it is right, does not mean it is. And to sit back as "The leader of the free world" (not sure what the heck that means anymore) and to say try to convince everyone that everything is right and there is no wrong answer, but at the same time killing is the wrong answer...where the heck are you talking from?
There MUST be a wrong.
And someone has to be IN THE WRONG. Logic does not allow for no absolutes. And if you have no absolutes you have no wrong. Which is the most illogical and completely mad theological idealism you could possibly posses. But so many people consider themselves to be terribly terribly right in believing there is no wrong and no absolutes.
I would rather have a crazed terrorist trying to kill me, believing there is wrong and right (Even if he is horribly mistaken in his belief that its ok to kill me for being American), than someone who doesn't believe there IS wrong or right and if at that moment he decides to shoot me, then it must be right.
How can you live with no convictions?!? How can you live without KNOWING something is true? You can't KNOW it is true if you think that someone else believing the opposite is also true. Completely daft.

I'm going all over the place here. Sorry. I'm just so full of things I want to say to the world that its coming out rather jumbled and out of order and seems quite random.
In my mind...this all makes sense...heh heh heh...

All of that to say, I think our president is going to get us all killed. Thats all I have to say. I think he is out of his mind and more of a "lying politician" than any of them. He doesn't sit back and lie to his country, no, he sits back and lies to the entire world FOR his country and then comes home and tells his country it is what they truly want. And says it in a way that people who want to believe that everything is ok and that he has the best in mind for our country, just sit back and say "Well he said its ok...it must be."
Hitler convinced a lot of people it was ok to kill Jews and gays, etc.
Ben Laden convinced a lot of people it was ok to kill Americans and Christians and Catholics and even their own families if they didn't agree with what they said.
Stalin...
You know what I mean. If you say things right, people believe it and refuse to form their own opinion by thinking about it.
People obviously thought long and hard about things former president Bush said. They hated him for things he did. He didn't talk well - he just wasn't the best public speaker. But he did what he believed was right and he said he believed it was right and that other people were wrong and had strong convictions, no matter how much people disagreed with him. But he wouldn't say that everyone was right.
Why would you want someone to lead you who does not even want to stand up for you? Would you work for a boss that allowed other work members to talk badly about you and treat you badly and just sit by and say that they think its ok, so live with it?
No.
But you will be ok with a president who believes that other countries should regulate our gun laws and look at our registries and have a say in our constitution, since they think they should, and they think its right so live with it.
You think politics don't effect you?
Think effing again.
Look at history.
Politics kill people.
Politics kill more people than wars started out of passion.
Obviously we started blowing up stuff in the middle east out of passion. And its gone from there into being about politics. And more people are dying from the political effects of this war that has gone on and on due to serious lack of unity concerning politics then were dying from when we were there for passion, trying to get rid of people who wished us seriously bodily harm and had at last managed to bring it to us. We could have been there and left, after we finished what we went there to do.
But it became a political battle when the American people decided to make it into a crime for doing anything in return, and suddenly it was like "Well...um...free the people? Sure! That'll look good! Rebuild things? Ok..."
Instead of telling off the psychos (who are more concerned about polar bears than actual people) and stepping in to do what needed done and what we went there to do, and said "Peace mofoes, don't mess with us, and don't let your people mess with us. Killing us for fun isn't gonna happen. We don't kill you for fun. We don't come bomb you cause we don't like you. We come shoot your asses because you came into OUR country and killed us because we disagree with what you say."
But it didn't go like that.
Politics and "there is no right and wrong so how could you do that?" stepped in and here we are, 8 years later, still there because of politics. Ask any American military person if politics effect them. Then ask their families. Then ask their friends.
They are gonna tell you, yes they do.
But most people don't see it. They are fed politics in a much slower, more controlled, prettied up, painted over, child friendly version, than the military is.
We get it straight and fresh off the line.
We die because of politics.
We are ok with dying for passion and dying for our country.
But we aren't ok with dying for politics that people who think there is no right and wrong and yet we were in the wrong to go fight so fix it, created. THAT. Is crap.
Why don't you get out of your stupid chair and think for yourself and believe something.
Too scary, hu.
Cause then you would disagree with someone.
And they might think badly of you.
Because you disagreed.
Though if they really and truly believed that everyone is right, they cannot be upset at you for thinking they are wrong. Because there is no wrong. So to think they are wrong is not wronging them.
But you know in your heart it isn't true.
You know if you take a stand on anything you will face opposition.
And we can't have that.
Can't handle it.
Won't do it cause your too damn scared and too ignorant about logic or what you think you might believe to stand up to anyone telling YOU that you are wrong for thinking they are wrong.
Get a backbone and think about things and research them and make yourself stronger.
Or just sit there and nod and smile and say "Well I think this might be what could be right. But you are absolutely right as well. You think it could be blue, I think it could be red, but we are BOTH right. Really."
So stupid.
If you could see yourself. Really.

Anyway. I was going to stop rambling a long time ago and then I went off again...
Not like theres anything better to do around here *looks around at the empty desk...wishing someone would bring in some work to do...aaaa...dying of boredom*

Love you and miss you.
If your confused, thats ok. This post was just venting, its not supposed to make sense, hahaha...
-Shell

Who took my damn Rolos??

So I took a vacation away from this horrible state (Florida).
And it was nice.
Except for the part where I forgot to go see some really amazing people (Lacey...Paul...etc...Whoops)
And where the cars transmission broke.
That was the nicest part. Hahaha...
I love driving Mom's car and not our sweet Acura.
Not.
So it was never fixed...and I flew back here because I was required to be at work by this morning. And here I am. Eating reheated tomato soup.
Also there is no milk in the house.
And no car to go buy it.
*sigh* I hate the bus.
But! At least there is scads to do at work! My boss is also on vacation and has been gone for a week and it looks like very little got done in the three days she was here without me before she left. Not that I expected much to get done.
So I'm not bored.
Except its lunch time and I forgot my book and I REFUSE to do work on break like my boss because thats just horribly horribly wrong. And depressing.
And I'm afraid I'm going to have finished all this work by the time 3:30 rolls around and then I'll have the entirety of next week being as bored as ever.
But the house is so boring without Allen! Plus I didn't realize that you get terribly used to someone being there to tell whatever pops into your head to. Like I had a blister this morning. And I went to show him.
*sniffs*
And he wasn't there.
And what good is showing a dog or the duck?
NONE.

Anway

Vacation home was fun.
Except for the part where I almost killed everyone the day of my sisters graduation. I told Dad I would push their "new adopted daughter" (as we kids like to call here because she stores all of her stuff in my old room, and has been driving Mom's car for the past 6 months under Mom and Dads insurance, and she comes to all the family events, and signed my Mom's mothers day card, and my little sister opted to ask her to help with the graduation instead of one of her four very available and loving sisters...but none of us are bitter. Really...) off a chair if she thought she was going to help me decorate.
After which my father barely spoke to me for the remainder of my time there.
And then I had to fly home. I really hate airports and I hate planes. Not because I hate flying - that doesn't bother me. But I hate that you are stuck in a little seat next to a total stranger that is either way way way to friendly, or refuses to even say hello when you sit down.
I did manage to read almost all of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban while in midair.
For the probably 4th time.
But no big deal.
And I'm not counting.
I really gotta hand it to Rowling - her, C.S. Lewis and Tolkien are the only people who I've read twice. I don't see the point in re-reading a book that you've already read because there are so many other books out there! Why would you waste your time??
Now sometimes, its ok. Like with Harry Potter or Narnia or Lord of The Rings because it is just that good.
But anything else?
No.
Not gonna happen.
Carol, I found your Darcy book.
Its up in my room.
I completely forgot it the other night.

Also I stuck a burrito in the microwave here at work cause I was still hungry after my small portion of tomato soup...and now the whole office smells like it. Awesome...I wonder if theres a window I can open...I would prop the outside door open but one of the ladies before she left for lunch was like "Theres a bunch of money on my desk so don't let anyone near it."
Guess where the outside door is.
FML.

SOOOOOO.....just chillin in the office...alone...eating my burrito that really isn't turning out to be very good...and listening to Sinatra.
And trying to think of something to say to take up the next 30 min. Because my burrito is gone. And my brain is too tired to keep thinking of things to write since I was a unsuspecting victim of "I can't sleep cause I've been on vacation going to bed at 2:00 a.m. for the past 10 days and so I see no reason to sleep now even though you can't sleep-in until 11:00. No. Instead you have to be up at 6:30. But you'll be fine. Just keep watching "Pretty Woman" and telling yourself you'll be fine"
Great. The stupid song mentioned honey.
And I suddenly want some honeyed toast.
Damn pregnancy.

I hate jet lag.

-Shell

p.s. This is the aforementioned duck.

We call him Gary.

Mustard vs. Yogurt

Riddle me this - Why is country music so depressing?

On a side note, my yogurt just attacked my uniform...awesome...should have eaten a sandwich instead. Mustard much safer than yogurt.
Not.

So I'm sitting here, making power points for various people in charge who seem to be completely computer illiterate and yet somehow hold positions like "Chief of police" and "Head of investigations". That makes me feel safe.
Not.
If your going to arrest people and investigate things, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO MAKE A FRIGGIN SPREADSHEET!

Not that hard.
Reeeallllyy not that hard.

ALSO, so my boss is getting moved to a different department.
And I'm the only person who works with her. BUT no one seems to know where all of her work will go. Since I'm Temp Duty right now (so I do whatever needs done. Its pretty FING ANNOYING), I have this sinking feeling they are going to give her job to me.
AND LET ME TELL YOU, THIER SHYTE IS GOING OUT THE WINDOW!!!
The people over our department are so freaking retarded! I just want to punch them all in the face!!
Little STUPID things like this:
We mail different investigation cases to different departments. Well when we do this we ARE REQUIRED TO:
1. Take the case file, put in a manila envelope.
2. Take boxing tape and TAPE ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOP OF THE MAILA ENVELOPE.
3. My boss writes her intials over the tape. To ensure...what????
4. We put that envelope in another inter dept. mail envelope.
5. (you thought it would end there, didn't you???? So did I.)
5!! YOU TAPE ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOP OF THE FING INTER DEPT MAIL ENVOLOPE!!! Completely destroying a very reusable object. Oh. And she initials that tape too.

This thing has 50 To:/From text boxes. You are supposed to use these envelopes 50xs. We use them once and they are never used again because someone HAS TO GET A CHAINSAW TO OPEN THE DAMN THING TO READ THE CASE ABOUT THE KID WHO REPORTED THAT SOMEONE BROKE INTO HIS UNLOCKED CAR AND STOLE HIS RADIO!!
*long pause in which I silently scream and mime stabbing stupid people in the face*
*deep breath*

Soooo...
If this job becomes mine? That crap? Its gonna go away. I almost picked up a book and threw it at my boss yesterday...
AND TODAY.

She is calling from the other room (as she corrects a document that there is no need to correct) in this little condescending tone "Oh honey! You did good on the "C"s!"

Story:

So on base, they give out tickets. They mean abbooouuuttt jack crap. You pay nothing. Its so lame. The only thing they can do is restrict you from driving ON THE BASE.
....ok....
I work with all those tickets.
This lady I work for?
About 3,000 years old.
She's nice and all, just annoying. And confusing. And confused.
And we make a list of all the people who are "restricted".
Before, this list was in Microsoft Word.
Which is so stupid cause its set up like a spread sheet so adding to it is like trying to convince Samolian pirates not to steal our stuff.
So I took this list and did what any SANE PERSON would do and put it into Excell! Not that hard! I type around 6 billion wpm so it was an easy day.
I also went through and deleted all the people whose restriction was over. There are boxes that say "Date restricted" "Date complete"
I went through and did the obvious (asked before I did it though, so don't even say anything about that!!) and took out all the "Date complete" people who were off restriction.

Well she went through (I think cause I've caught her up on all her work and she was really bored today, cause usually she doesn't do JACK that concerns going back and checking because she is so far behind on everything. BUT! Then I appeared and did things like create excell pages for everything so it was actually recorded instead of on sticky notes...) all the restricted TICKETS themselves so CHECK that all the people who had ever been placed on restriction had come in to see her and checked out of restriction.
What???????
And she got all mad at me because I had deleted them off the list already.
So this guy had been on restriction until January, 2009. Thats past. I took him off. Apparently the poor guy never came to her office and showed her his updated registration and requested to be let off of restriction.
And according to the people over our department, THEY ARE STILL RESTRICTED BECAUSE THEY NEVER DID THIS.
There are people she wants back on that list that got off restriction a year ago!
And she got all mad at me for taking them off. A job that she told me to do. And she said she was going to get in trouble.

A. ....What???

B. Who the heck is going to check?? The people over our department are so busy they don't have time to come to our building and go through our tickets to check and see that each restriction ticket has a checkmark saying that they have brought in their info and checked out of restriction.

C. ....WHAT?????

So there she sits, going through all 9 billion restrictions, checking them, checking the list, checking the old list...and then saying "You deleted another one!" when she finds some girl from April of 06 who was placed on restriction for not registering on base within 30 days of reporting, who never came to our office and said "I registered."

So she goes back on the list.

Seriously.

And I got pissed! I called her on it and was like "WHY?? This is overkill and stupid. Screw it."
"Well those people over our department, they want it."
"Why? Screw them too."
"Because the CO wants it that way! And they are scared of that mans shadow!"
"SCREW THE CO!! WHY is everyone so afraid of this guy? It is so wrong to be scared of anyone in charge! You do YOUR JOB, not WHAT HE WANTS. So he "prefers" that people be on restriction for all of time because he has a fixation with slow and perfect driving. He needs to chill. Or else do all this paper work himself."

But no.
I almost got my throat slit for saying a ticket he ordered the popo to give to a girl was stupid and unreasonable and shouldn't have happened and she should contest it.
He GUESSED her speed to be 70 in a 45.
And she got the ticket and the restriction. That was high enough it will follow her to her next command where they will check in her car and not allow her to drive it.
So wrong.
So incredibly wrong.
But since she said she felt the CO was mistaken when she went to court for it? They screwed her.
You can't say he's wrong.

This Navy...
This Navy is messed up.

This Navy isn't something I am proud of any longer.
This Navy is something I can't wait to leave.

So there's my rant for the day.
I'm pretty excited to have ranted...

Now back to the 100+ page dispatchers manual I must create....

-Shell

Mushroom farm revolution kills the mind.

So I'm sitting at work again...hooray...hahaha...
BORING.
I actually have no idea what I'm doing cause people are calling for people I don't know...this isn't my real job...I don't answer phones except when the silly phone people go home cause they're sick...gross...I cloroxed the life out of this desk when I sat down...sicky germs...
I don't really have anything to say actually...who is the AT? I dont know. The ATO perhaps? I don't know. Someone poke me in the eyes.
I'm not making any sense...mostly cause I have the headache from hades that came down this morning as I opened my eyes and it hasn't left yet.
Anyway.
Went to Disney World with my sister and her two kids when they came to visit last weekend...that was fun :) I will post pictures if I ever get a chance...
GOSH I'M BORING TODAY!! Brain...won't...function...
The kid is kicking around these days. We find out what kind it is the 27th. My mom is due in July. With a girl. Weird. She's almost 50. This was the "Oh...whoops..." kid. Kinda gross to know my parents still do that stuff. Yeah. I'm 20. And married. And I'm sure I'll still be sneaking off to the broom closet when I'M 50, but that doesn't mean its not weird to think of your mom and dad doing that. I mean seriously!!
Sooo...I'm gonna go play more games...addictinggames.com...I play Mushroom Revolution a lot...mostly cause the mushrooms look so cute until you give them powers and then they look like they are going to eat your face off and giggle while they do it...

-Shell

You think YOU'VE got problems...

Ok. So if my life could get anymore jacked up I'm not sure what would have to happen. Seriously. This is retarded. I'm blown away by the...ness of this mess.

Here I am. In the navy.
Pregnant!
Oh yeah. Having a kid in September. What happened? Simple answer there...if you don't know I'm not going to try and explain it to you.
Whose?
Allen's of course (for all you meanies who have questioned about the father of this child. I hate you all). He has moved down to Pensacola and we are eloping Friday. Tomorrow. Wow. But we've been TRYING to for two weeks so nbd...
Anyway.
Aircrew school is a high risk training environment so they dropped me, seeing as they don't want to hurt my kid. Me? Thats ok. But not the kid. Hahaha...
So I was sent to an inbetween place for a while. I didn't have a job and I am all medicaly jacked up they don't know what to do with me...ya know.
I requested seperation from the navy due to pregnancy. They screwed with me for a long time and then decided FINE! But we aren't letting you go until 30 days before delivery.
Nice.
Jerks.
So I'll have 30 days to move home, find a doctor, figure out how to pay for the kid...awesome. The military isn't as lily white as they seem. They like to screw people over. Makes me proud to be American...except for not.
So yesterday they sudden give me orders to work in the security office and move out of my barracks asap. Mothertruckers...good thing I have the awesomest friend in the world though who is letting Allen stay with them until we get an apartment. I just crashed at her house and puked all morning (I have morning sickness from hell...that lasts until 5:00 at night...) then went in and here I am. They were just showing me around and checking me in and this secretary suddenly needed a phone answerer so they stopped my checkin blablabla crap and sat me at the phone.
I'm feeling ill again. Awesome. I threw up 7xs yesterday so I'm hoping that today isn't going to be a repeat.
So that's my life as I know it. Though its nice cause they kicked me out of barracks so NO MORE COMMUNAL SHOWERS AND ROOMMATES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!! FRICK YEAH!!!! I'm pretty much excited beyond all reason about that.
People have been really horrible about my wanting to leave the military. I understand to a point and yet they need to get off their high horse and stop trying to be all self righteous and let me make this decision for me and my family now. Its not just about me. Its about a child and a husband. Allen doesn't want to be a single dad while I'm off deployed and I do not ever want to have to leave my child like that. I'm also required to go back to work 6 weeks after delivery. Who the heck is going to take care of an infant? So I think people need to mind their own business and let me make my own decisions that are best for me and my family.

*ahem*
Anyway. I love you all.
*hugs*
Cheers
-Shell

Twice a day is better...

So I've made two visits today...what of it??
I think I've been away from the keyboard so long that its like when you start smoking again - you thought you were done but all it took was one cigarette and its all over, you know you can't go back.
I've missed words.
The way they flow without thought or meditation. How they are so honest but I don't even realize it until I return to read them later.

I watch the people around me here, and no one lives honestly. Everything is a lie or an attempt to impress. They walk around being confused, wondering why things don't make sense to them but in facts it their own fault - you tell enough lies and you won't be able to see up from down. I'm not saying I don't try to impress people - I strive to be the best here and make sure my instructors know I'm the best. Even if I'm not. But its different...and the girls are mostly whores. Except Goldie and I...Goldie rocks.
It was odd, but people notice I'm not like the other girls. Like a guy today was talking to me about life and asked if I was married.
I said yes.
Then no.
Then almost.
He asked if I was getting a divorce.
I said no, I'm engaged.
Why did I say yes?? Not sure.
But he commented that I wasn't like the other girls - lack of throwing myself at every male who passed by and whatnot. Odd that they notice.

Sometimes people ask what my day is like.
I laugh at them.
And tell it to them sort of like so:

I woke up just like any other day. To the sound of my roommates alarm clack screaming like a banshee at 0500. She got up after a few years later...and pushed snooze.
"BROOKE."
"*muffled*What?"
"Did you push snooze?"
"Yeahh...I'll get up in a little bit."
"TURN IT OFF OR GET UP NOW. IF IT GOES OFF AGAIN..."
"@$$&$$^&! Fine! I'm getting up now. %$^ch..."
*falls back asleep*
Almost an hour later I was in PT gear, water bottle and swim roll in hand, running to the chow hall to eat my usual breakfast of a banana and a cup of yogurt. I eat the same friggin thing every morning - mostly cause I don't have to stand in line to get to it. That and I can eat in under five minuets, and the possibility of regurgitating bacon and eggs during PT is much less appealing than that of heaving up a banana and yogurt - that's pretty much like barfing up a shake, no big deal.
I eat, I toss my tray, and I walk slowly the one block to the barracks to get in formation for PT.

When I arrived at the PT formation, it was already a huge gagglefudge of idiots all talking about how they got laid the night before and spitting out the last of their tobacco remains onto the sidewalk - which I often step into and track back into my room.
Lovely.
The corpsman (nurse? I think so. I want to call him a nurse sometimes just to see his face turn red as he tried to stop the explosion in his brain from going straight to his overweight heart and killing him. Not that I'd mind whatsoever if it got to his heart. Pretty sure I'd poke him to make sure he was dead before I called 911. This is how awesome this guy is) comes out and screams some nasty words.
He doesn't like people talking.
When he asks you a question you answer "Yes" or "No".
Plain and simple.
Its completely outrageous. He screwed over my life last week so we aren't getting along so well. Actually I want to continually come to him with female problems. Like really gruesome ones. I'll think of something...ideas? STDs are a no-go but just about anything else...too bad I'm not a whore like everyone else or we could go somewhere with that...
Anyway.
Evil little man comes out and screams, inserts the word "Shall" into his sentences a lot and drops more f bombs than points we lost in the stock market last month.
After the screaming, Mr. Walter comes out.
This man is one of my hero's. He is sweeto. He oversees all of us kids waiting to start class and makes sure all is well. He is the closest thing to a Dad any of us have here.
He goes through around 200 names every morning, making sure we are all there. People don't pay any attention, just keep talking about blood being in weird places and spitting on the sidewalk. By my shoe. One of these days they are gonna miss and I'm going to back-kick a shipmate to the face.
It'll happen...I'm sure of it...

After muster is taken (its the Navy. We have the most retarded names for stuff. Seriously), Mr. Ruber arrives.
This man is about 5"6' (66 inches, just to help out your math Sixth), probly 138 pounds, and tan, with almost white hair, and has an almost Asian-like ageless quality. And he's buff. Like if you took 138 pounds and made it into pure lean muscle, this would be Mr. Ruber.
We call our PT sessions, Mr. Ruber PT.
If you have a six pack, you have Mr. Ruber abs.
If you go on a 12 mile run, you went on a Mr. Ruber run.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Mr. Ruber before he goes to bed.
If Mr. Ruber were immortal...we can't prove he isn't.
He could run a mile and a half in 7:30 at the age of 18. He runs it in about 8:00 now. Added on a whole 30 seconds in 30 years...that's a whole second a year.
He does one armed push ups while we do two armed. He does one armed pull ups while someone has to help me over the pull up bar.
He is in constant pain because of some sort of knee injury, but he still runs. Sometimes when he's on his meds though, he laughs out loud at us.
He is pretty much the craziest man you've ever met. Everyone loves him.
Then there is Mr. Evans, the swim instructor for kids who can't swim (like myself). He leads the league of Iron Ducks. We sink. Or at least think we're going to. Some of us used to wear floaties when we went to the deep end.
Yeah.
I was one of the handicapped kids.
Mr. Evans is the most perverted old man you've ever met. He once admitted to checking out my butt when I left the pool to use the bathroom.
But somehow its alright.
Don't ask me why. I'm pretty sure he's the only person in the world who can say the things he does without me turning around and elbowing him in the face. None of us can say why its ok when he says it, but it is.
Weird.
Don't ever try to get me to explain because I can't.
So there we all stand, all 200 of us, awaiting our instruction from our respective instructors.
"AIRCREW, ARE YOU FIT TO TRAIN?"
"HOOYAH!"
And off we march to the PT field where we proceed to have our butts handed to us for a couple of hours.
We march back.
We eat.
We repeat the exact same thing we were doing at 0620 and return an hour and a half later.
We shower.
We iron.
We muster again.
Why?
I don't know.
We eat.
We play.
We sleep.
And we wake up the next morning to repeat exactly what happened the day before.

Anyway.
Thats my day.
I've lost my storytelling ability.
Its freaking me out so I have to leave.
I used to be able to make all that into a glorious tale and I can't anymore.
Help.
Sixth - HAH! I MENTIONED YOU! WHAT NOW?!?!
Just kidding...well...not kidding...but you know what I mean...Anyway. Your "encouragement" was very encouraging...*cough cough* *laughing* Actually it was a twisted way of looking at things. So twisted it made me smile.
Carol - I found something that will make you happy in the back of my forms notebook...

TEN DAYS PEOPLE AND I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!
LA DEE FREAKING DA!!!
-Shell
p.s. Now I'm off to re-injure my knee so the doctor will admit something is truly wrong with it instead of looking at me and telling me to stretch and ice it.
Carter and I wanted to kick each other in the shins until we couldn't walk anymore so we can get a discharge.
My sisters thinks they would catch on.
She hasn't met "them".
Idiots.
Complete idiots.