The Porch Of Doom

The winds of change...wait...there Are no winds of change...

2009-12-02T09:27:00.003-05:00

So I'm back-ish.
Nothing absolutely whatsoever to report. My days have dragged on and on and I have lived them.
Wake up.
Get ready for work.
Drive to work (though I have now incorporated books on CD into my morning and lunchtime drive. Right now it is Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix)
Sit around at work.
Pump.
Sit around more.
Drive home to lunch (getting another 15 minuets of the story).
Eat lunch.
Feed baby.
Return to work.
Sit around.
Some days I get off early and jog to the gym*
Go home.
Feed baby.
Cook dinner.
Eat dinner.
Watch something. Preferably The Office, Legend of The Seeker, or Heros. We are a season behind on Heros so we are catching up this week. We should be up to speed by next Monday. Too bad we don't have TV and have to wait a week to watch the latest episode. Damn...
Feed baby.
Put baby to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Sleep.
Wakeup.
Change baby's diaper.
Feed baby.
Go back to sleep.
Wake up...

*yesterday I threw my workout clothes into a bag. Since I wore my working dress uniform and I didn't have boots to carry I decided I would simply throw my uniform in the bag and jog to the gym, this way Allen would not have to drive me back to my building when he picked me up, me go inside, open my locker, and get my uniform. Time saver. Woot.
It was chilly. I packed a sweater. It was sprinkling, but whatever.
Well.
At 3:30 I go down to my locker, change into my jogging shorts, t-shirt and my hoodie. I tie my running shoes and strap the iPod into my arm (my iPhone is being repaired but I was able to steal Allen's iPod. Woot).
I go up the steps, ladeedah, no big deal.
I step outside.
It is no longer sprinkling. It is pouring.
But I figure, hey, I've gotten this far, why go back down the steps and put this bag back in my locker? It can't be that far to the gym. Maybe at most a 1/4 mile.
Lies.
So I start jogging. Despite that it was only my dress shoes, pants and two shirts, an extra pair of tennis shoes, one large book and a water bottle, that backpack was 10 lbs.
This used to be no big deal.
Then I didn't work out or run for a year and now it is a big deal.
I was DYING.
Not only was the bag heavy as hell, but it was pouring and it was COLD! Also I was dying. I am a horrible runner now.
Ok. I've never been very good. But now it's worse.
It had to have been a mile to the gym. I'm gonna drive it and see today actually...
I was sopping and frozen by the time I got there.
I step inside and it's a nice, warm temperature in there!
But since I had been frozen, but my hear rate was high, it felt like it was 130 degrees. I was pouring sweat from the moment I stepped inside. Then I had to blow dry my shorts because it looked like I had peed my pants from all the rain.

Anyway. That was my dramatic story. Preeeettyy lame.
Now I'm going to see if hulu.com works at work.
MOOWAHAHA!
Cheers.
Here's Phoenix.

Oh hi everyone! I'm pretty awesome these days! I try to stand up by myself and am starting to play games. Sort of. Mostly I like to be bad. Like when Dad is giving me a bottle, I will stop eating, look at him, and then just gnaw on the very end of it and grin because I know that annoys him. Heh heh heh...I have also mastered the art of wakening instantly! Hold me, I'm asleep! Put me down, I'm awake! WOOHOO! It's like having magical powers...

Sometimes I'm actually pretty happy. At weird times. I try to giggle reeealllyy hard but mostly a weird shriek just comes out. This causes mom and dad to collapse in hysterical laughter.

I is big.

I is also cross eyed.

I am also a snot. I enjoy refusing to smile at strangers. I also enjoy gnawing on things and slobbering all over shirts. It is my favorite. Once, I pooped on mama. It was great! I thought it was really funny!! Mama didn't :(

This is how I get away with everything; by being super adorable.

What dah hewl?!?

And these are my friends! They are my only friends. We hang out a lot. As you can see we don't always agree on things, sometimes I think they say really stupid stuff (like right there) but hey, you can't get much better than a gnome.

Unless you get me.

Woohoo!

Anyway. Next week is shot's week. I was supposed to have my shots a long time ago but then the doctor couldn't get me in for a really long time. Mama doesn't want me to get shots - she believes most immunizations harm more than they help. But if I have to go into daycare, they won't let me in without them. Anyway.

GOODBYE.
*runs off to cry, poop, sleep, slobber, grin, and bellow random syllables*

Phoenix Nicole

2009-11-06T11:48:00.010-05:00

So. I updated. Saved the draft. And sometime during the night the draft found some crack cocaine and when I came back to see it this morning it was high as a kite.
Hence: the rewrite.
ALSO.
Complaint: It will only load 8 of my pictures. There are more. I'm a little ticked off right now, Blogger. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER BEFORE I LAUNCH MILITARY INTELLIGENCE ON YOUR SERVER.
*ahem*

So before I show you pictures of the world's cutest kid (that'd be mine. Not Achille. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, sis! Mwahaha), I'll "update".

I'm still stuck in the United States Navy. Hooyah. I'm still stuck at my boring job in security. I still miss working for the investigators. Who wouldn't miss sitting in an office listening to people talk about crazy military criminals and interrogating suspects?? Apparently they needed to do a little more of that in ol' Fort Hood...maybe...idk...really that whole thing is messed up. Some of us talking about creating a "lets trip over his ventilation cord" mission thing morning. Pretty sure it's gonna work out. Suffocation = way more dramatic way to die then injection or electric chair-ing. Personally, I think he should face a firing squad. But that's just me. Crazy lunatic...YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE MILITARY FOR BEING CRAZY YOU KNOW!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOOT UP PEOPLE TO MAKE YOUR POINT!! Sheeeesh...

Anyway, I may be able to get a job as a journalist/photographer in the next 9-11 months. That'd be super sweet. I'd be stuck on an Army base for 6 months in Maryland but NO BIG DEAL!! It's right next to D.C. which = STUFF TO DO WHEN WE ARE BORED. The Smithsonian, theatre, music, etc etc etc! WOOT! It'd be super awesome. Plus the job would be a lot more enjoyable than anything else they had to offer me.
So hopefully that goes SUPER.

Anyway...just sitting around these days, waiting to hand in my request for leave over Christmas. Yesterday we went to Hobby Lobby to find some photo albums and the Christmas supplies were in...and 50% off...I love Christmas...I love decorating...I'm a Christmas decorating fiend!! AAA!! I went a little nuts...we spent 50$ when we could have spent 12$ if I had stuck to the plan. BUT I COULDN'T. TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS FOR ME TO HANDLE!! I seriously become hopped up on 12 cans of Red Bull just by seeing Christmas stuff- but Without the Red Bull. I was bouncing around with huge eyes and throwing everything within reach into the cart. Allen was calmly picking it up and putting it back on the shelves...heh heh heh...I did manage to wrangle 3 boxes of lights and four packages of ornaments to the checkout counter though.

Sooo...I guess this is Phoenix part of the blog now...Here are some pictures. Only 8. Thank you Blogger...

HI! I'm Phoenix! I'm awesome! I don't cry very much except when I'm tired and I like to raise my eyebrows really high at everything. I also am trying really hard to laugh but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. This results in a lot of unnecessary attempts at tickling by my parents and they really just need to back off. They like to have photo shoots and try to capture the most hilarious faces possible. This results in me looking like a crazy baby. Thanks for the self esteem boosters, mom and dad. Case and point: the picture below.

This was part of an attempt to make me look like I like to bite people. If things don't let up on the photo end, I just might make that "funny idea" come true...SO WATCH YOUR NOSE THE NEXT TIME YOU COME CLOSE TO MY FACE! AHAHAHA! *ahem*

Mom thinks its just about the most hilarious thing in the world to spike my hair. I don't really mind actually, I just get revenge by generating some more Cradle Cap and shedding all over her black shirts.

So, while I was in Kansas visiting my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents a couple weeks ago, someone gave mom this pair of giant flannel pants that double as a blanket that I can't kick off. She thinks its fun to just pick up the pants and let me dangle around in them causing the worlds' worst wedge (if I didn't wear diapers). Someday I hope there will be justice.

I got a new dress and was instantly crammed in and photographed repeatedly. I barfed on the dress. Enough said.

Sometimes it's actually pretty fun to hang out with mom and dad. They make funny faces and like to wrap me up and sing to me. It doesn't excuse all the other behaviors of course, but it does make me a little less inclined to gnaw off their ankles once I learn to crawl.

See? I can sit up super good! Also great job on making these pictures oldest to youngest mom...

But what I wanna know is why I can't watch TV until I'm two! COME ON PEOPLE!! I'M SICK OF HEARING WINNIE THE POOH'S VOICE COME FROM BEHIND MY HEAD!

I still like to sleep a lot, but not in a consistent pattern. Like last night Mama got up to pump because the night before I hadn't woken up to eat until morning! She stayed up for 45 minutes pumping. Then when she was done, I woke up! She had to stay up another hour to feed me a bottle and put me back to sleep.

That was Karma for making me wear the wedge pants.

So anyway. Life is pretty good. Hopefully Mama gets that job in Maryland so I can live closer to Auntie Amanda - then maybe someone will buy me more stuff. My parents said I don't need stuff because I have more clothes then both of them put together.

Hello. I only have three pairs of shoes.

The thought of fear brings the feeling of fear which re-thinks the thought of fear which makes it a doubt thought and double fear...

2009-07-07T09:47:00.003-04:00

Sooo...
Still leaving the military...I think...paperwork apparently was "Lost in translation"??? See how efficient our country's safety department is? Hhmm...*think think think* Hmmm...

Also.
I have like 10 weeks left? *checks* 10 weeks, one day.

And made this huge mistake of clicking on some sites and watching some webversations about being a mom.
And now I'm about to have a panic attack.
What. Am I thinking??
Why would I choose to be a stay at home mom??
Why.
I'm 21 (nearly...like a couple more days, come on, totally counts), and I haven't finished school and I have so many things I want to do and I die inside every time I see a theatre because I miss acting and directing so much, and I was thinking of leaving the military even before prego due to knee problems and for some reason my little mind thought that I could be a full time mom while...being whatever else I wanted.

And I'm looking at this stuff and going "What...am I doing?!?! I don't WANT to be a mom and loose who I am and be so caught up in caring for my kid that I forget who I am and what I want to be when I grow up"
That was the way my mom was.
She had a strange way of trying to break out of it - she would find hobbies and obsess over them. Painting, crocheting, cross stitching, instruments (she can play I think 7 instruments now, and 4 of them excellently) and she would become amazing at them. She painted stuff that went to state and won and she was invited to the white house one year because her painting project was hung on their friggin Christmas tree, picked out of like 10,000 other people's. She cross stiched entire scenes and you stood back and they looked like a painting instead of thread.
She became incredible at whatever she did.
And then she would stop.
Once she excelled at it, she was done. There was nothing more for her to push for, I guess. And it always broke my heart because this was what I thought all those years - that she stopped her hobbies because she couldn't progress any further in her mind.

Until one day we had a conversation and I realized that she stopped it because she felt guilty that it was taking time away from the kids.
She stopped taking that time for herself and learning new things for herself and making new friendships, etc, because she felt guilty about it.
We never minded. Ever. We always were so proud of her when she would excel at something once again! We still look at that huge mural on the wall in the kitchen and go "You painted that after you had painted for a year??"
And look at the picture of her (and me :D I was her "companion" for the trip) and Mrs. Bush at the white house with the tree behind them and are like "Yeah...my mom is that awesome."

But apparently she was so consumed in her mind that she would step back and just stop what she loved because she felt guilty about it. And I think sometimes Dad would pressure her to stop because it would cost money - paints, thread, needles, canvas, etc
Which I think is complete bs.
Dad doesn't have any hobbies because he is consumed with work. 100% of the time.
Or mime (don't ask if you don't know...)
Funny thing is, his mime takes up 100$'s a year and all of his weekend time that he should be at home with mom during.
But he isn't.
He leaves before the kids get up, he's home around dinner, if it's not ready, he's upset, and I remember countless times it would be cold by the time he got there because he would be home so late and then he would be annoyed that it was cold.

Don't get me wrong.
I love my dad very much and he has been a great dad in a lot of ways - he coached my high school soccer team all through high school because of me and Micah. There was hardly a team the last season and he coached it anyway for us because he knew that we loved it so much. He kept the mime team going for Anne and Stephanie because he knew that they loved it so much and if he didn't do it, no one would. He really does a lot of random, meaningful things for us.
And I know its hard. He runs his own business and has a billion kids and he is concerned about money and providing, etc, etc, etc.
But what I wish he knew was that we would rather have him at home, playing with us and talking to us, etc, then we would have extra food in the house. Mom would rather have him at home to put the kids to bed on time then not have to create weird meals from random leftovers because we needed grocery's that bad.
Anyway.
This post wasn't about my dad.
This was about me being a mom.
And I'm freakin out.
A lot.
And I needed to vent and I don't wanna freak out my husband about it because he's under enough stress as it is trying to find a job in this effed-up Obama economy where apparently its more important to bail out a car dealership than lower taxes or start cutting the national debt. We can pull all those troops out of Iraq, super, whatever, you all know how I feel about that, but when they get back, start cutting military to save money for those bailouts - force them to retire, separate them for a few low run times, tell them they have to do a new job now - one they aren't trained to do and never wanted to do - after 1o years or else they will be separated...
And
Whatever.
Again. Not going to vent more on Obama. Just chattering I guess.
Sometimes its really hard not having a girl here to go to and freak out on. I love talking to Allen but sometimes I just need a girl to look at and go "AAA!! WHAT AM I DOING? *sob sob sob* Ok. I'm good. Lets go get our toes done."

-Shell

Touch my tummy and loose a hand...

2009-06-12T15:38:00.005-04:00

Well...sleep is now beginning to escape me.

The moment I lay down, Phoenix thinks its time to wake up! Seriously! I was baking until late last night and she was not moving much, just the occasional kick (just letting you know I'm still here sort of thing), but I lay down...its like my tummy is a punching bag! Kicking, punching, moving...the best is when I get punched on the left side and kicked on the right.

Allen is still in Kansas, hopefully will be back by this weekend. If the test drive goes well and the car shop doesn't throw any fits about anything we should be good...I hope...I'm very tired of being by myself. Living alone was a little fun...for about 3 days. And then it was boring and then it was depressing and then it is just downright horrible! It would be fine I think if I had a car and knew people around here. But he has the car and I work on the other side of base from everyone else - not to mention most of the people I was in school with are done with school and off to their squads.

Started prenatal yoga today. It was nice! I think I'll hurt tomorrow! I've been terrible about exercising! By the time I get home I just want to sleep and sleep and eat and maybe do something interesting (work has been incredibly boring lately, more so than normal), not walk over to the gym! And my hip is still out and that makes a difference :( I keep forgetting to call the doc and see about a chiropractor and how safe that is right now and all that jazz...

But not really any updates I suppose...my chart looks like I've only gained 9 lbs since the beginning and I'm 27 weeks. This is apparently bad. But I lost so much in the first trimester that in all technicality I gained 16 lbs in my second trimester! Wow...thats a little scary...

Hormones have been RAGING. I am a CRAZY WOMAN.

Joanna helped me feel a little better when I was home visiting. She is in her 30's and this is her first child - they have been trying for a long time.

She said she goes off the deep end, often. One day (she has no idea why), her husband didn't close the bread bag. This is normal. And she started hassling him about it and he (made the mistake of) said something in return and she picked up the loaf of bread and chucked it at him! I laughed and laughed and laughed!

I haven't hurled any actual objects (tempted to? Yes), but I say things that are completely ridiculous.

*sigh*

-Shell

P.S. Getting ready for the beach! :D

Troubling

2009-06-05T10:17:00.004-04:00

After listening to Obama's speech yesterday, I was left completely mind boggled.

Things like,

"Bin Laden no more represents Islam just as Israel doesn't represent Judaism."

Bothered me a lot. It was like he only wanted to say what people wanted to hear. I am not saying that I disagree with the first part, as not all Islamics are hellbent on destroying things. Not at all. But the last part made me blink a few times. It was like saying America doesn't represent Democracy. What?

"Obama's Speech Brilliant and Troubling" By Brad Hirschfield

Excerpt

"Ultimately, the President's remarks put being productive ahead of what some of us call being right, and that is the path to peace and reconciliation every time"

This seems to be the public's general reaction to this speech. Well, if it helps us get to where we need to be, who gives a flock about what is right and true. Really.
Which is more than a little scary. If you just want productivity, your going to fall flat on your face because not everyone has the same idea of being productive, just like not everyone has the same idea of what is "right". I disagree with people who think they can twist right and wrong in their own minds to be whatever they want - people who think that killing someone for their diamond earrings does it because they don't see any problem in it. If someone comes into your house and kills your family because of your race or color, not because you did them any harm, you aren't going to step back and say "Well they thought it was right, so I guess it must be right to them and to impose action would be saying they are wrong and to say someone is wrong is wrong, and we can't have any wrong and so if what I think differs from what they think I am wrong but..." and you end up talking yourself in a circle of madness.
Just get something in your head. There is wrong. And there is right. Just because you believe it is right, does not mean it is. And to sit back as "The leader of the free world" (not sure what the heck that means anymore) and to say try to convince everyone that everything is right and there is no wrong answer, but at the same time killing is the wrong answer...where the heck are you talking from?
There MUST be a wrong.
And someone has to be IN THE WRONG. Logic does not allow for no absolutes. And if you have no absolutes you have no wrong. Which is the most illogical and completely mad theological idealism you could possibly posses. But so many people consider themselves to be terribly terribly right in believing there is no wrong and no absolutes.
I would rather have a crazed terrorist trying to kill me, believing there is wrong and right (Even if he is horribly mistaken in his belief that its ok to kill me for being American), than someone who doesn't believe there IS wrong or right and if at that moment he decides to shoot me, then it must be right.
How can you live with no convictions?!? How can you live without KNOWING something is true? You can't KNOW it is true if you think that someone else believing the opposite is also true. Completely daft.

I'm going all over the place here. Sorry. I'm just so full of things I want to say to the world that its coming out rather jumbled and out of order and seems quite random.
In my mind...this all makes sense...heh heh heh...

All of that to say, I think our president is going to get us all killed. Thats all I have to say. I think he is out of his mind and more of a "lying politician" than any of them. He doesn't sit back and lie to his country, no, he sits back and lies to the entire world FOR his country and then comes home and tells his country it is what they truly want. And says it in a way that people who want to believe that everything is ok and that he has the best in mind for our country, just sit back and say "Well he said its ok...it must be."
Hitler convinced a lot of people it was ok to kill Jews and gays, etc.
Ben Laden convinced a lot of people it was ok to kill Americans and Christians and Catholics and even their own families if they didn't agree with what they said.
Stalin...
You know what I mean. If you say things right, people believe it and refuse to form their own opinion by thinking about it.
People obviously thought long and hard about things former president Bush said. They hated him for things he did. He didn't talk well - he just wasn't the best public speaker. But he did what he believed was right and he said he believed it was right and that other people were wrong and had strong convictions, no matter how much people disagreed with him. But he wouldn't say that everyone was right.
Why would you want someone to lead you who does not even want to stand up for you? Would you work for a boss that allowed other work members to talk badly about you and treat you badly and just sit by and say that they think its ok, so live with it?
No.
But you will be ok with a president who believes that other countries should regulate our gun laws and look at our registries and have a say in our constitution, since they think they should, and they think its right so live with it.
You think politics don't effect you?
Think effing again.
Look at history.
Politics kill people.
Politics kill more people than wars started out of passion.
Obviously we started blowing up stuff in the middle east out of passion. And its gone from there into being about politics. And more people are dying from the political effects of this war that has gone on and on due to serious lack of unity concerning politics then were dying from when we were there for passion, trying to get rid of people who wished us seriously bodily harm and had at last managed to bring it to us. We could have been there and left, after we finished what we went there to do.
But it became a political battle when the American people decided to make it into a crime for doing anything in return, and suddenly it was like "Well...um...free the people? Sure! That'll look good! Rebuild things? Ok..."
Instead of telling off the psychos (who are more concerned about polar bears than actual people) and stepping in to do what needed done and what we went there to do, and said "Peace mofoes, don't mess with us, and don't let your people mess with us. Killing us for fun isn't gonna happen. We don't kill you for fun. We don't come bomb you cause we don't like you. We come shoot your asses because you came into OUR country and killed us because we disagree with what you say."
But it didn't go like that.
Politics and "there is no right and wrong so how could you do that?" stepped in and here we are, 8 years later, still there because of politics. Ask any American military person if politics effect them. Then ask their families. Then ask their friends.
They are gonna tell you, yes they do.
But most people don't see it. They are fed politics in a much slower, more controlled, prettied up, painted over, child friendly version, than the military is.
We get it straight and fresh off the line.
We die because of politics.
We are ok with dying for passion and dying for our country.
But we aren't ok with dying for politics that people who think there is no right and wrong and yet we were in the wrong to go fight so fix it, created. THAT. Is crap.
Why don't you get out of your stupid chair and think for yourself and believe something.
Too scary, hu.
Cause then you would disagree with someone.
And they might think badly of you.
Because you disagreed.
Though if they really and truly believed that everyone is right, they cannot be upset at you for thinking they are wrong. Because there is no wrong. So to think they are wrong is not wronging them.
But you know in your heart it isn't true.
You know if you take a stand on anything you will face opposition.
And we can't have that.
Can't handle it.
Won't do it cause your too damn scared and too ignorant about logic or what you think you might believe to stand up to anyone telling YOU that you are wrong for thinking they are wrong.
Get a backbone and think about things and research them and make yourself stronger.
Or just sit there and nod and smile and say "Well I think this might be what could be right. But you are absolutely right as well. You think it could be blue, I think it could be red, but we are BOTH right. Really."
So stupid.
If you could see yourself. Really.

Anyway. I was going to stop rambling a long time ago and then I went off again...
Not like theres anything better to do around here *looks around at the empty desk...wishing someone would bring in some work to do...aaaa...dying of boredom*

Love you and miss you.
If your confused, thats ok. This post was just venting, its not supposed to make sense, hahaha...
-Shell

Who took my damn Rolos??

2009-05-29T11:59:00.006-04:00

So I took a vacation away from this horrible state (Florida).
And it was nice.
Except for the part where I forgot to go see some really amazing people (Lacey...Paul...etc...Whoops)
And where the cars transmission broke.
That was the nicest part. Hahaha...
I love driving Mom's car and not our sweet Acura.
Not.
So it was never fixed...and I flew back here because I was required to be at work by this morning. And here I am. Eating reheated tomato soup.
Also there is no milk in the house.
And no car to go buy it.
*sigh* I hate the bus.
But! At least there is scads to do at work! My boss is also on vacation and has been gone for a week and it looks like very little got done in the three days she was here without me before she left. Not that I expected much to get done.
So I'm not bored.
Except its lunch time and I forgot my book and I REFUSE to do work on break like my boss because thats just horribly horribly wrong. And depressing.
And I'm afraid I'm going to have finished all this work by the time 3:30 rolls around and then I'll have the entirety of next week being as bored as ever.
But the house is so boring without Allen! Plus I didn't realize that you get terribly used to someone being there to tell whatever pops into your head to. Like I had a blister this morning. And I went to show him.
*sniffs*
And he wasn't there.
And what good is showing a dog or the duck?
NONE.

Anway

Vacation home was fun.
Except for the part where I almost killed everyone the day of my sisters graduation. I told Dad I would push their "new adopted daughter" (as we kids like to call here because she stores all of her stuff in my old room, and has been driving Mom's car for the past 6 months under Mom and Dads insurance, and she comes to all the family events, and signed my Mom's mothers day card, and my little sister opted to ask her to help with the graduation instead of one of her four very available and loving sisters...but none of us are bitter. Really...) off a chair if she thought she was going to help me decorate.
After which my father barely spoke to me for the remainder of my time there.
And then I had to fly home. I really hate airports and I hate planes. Not because I hate flying - that doesn't bother me. But I hate that you are stuck in a little seat next to a total stranger that is either way way way to friendly, or refuses to even say hello when you sit down.
I did manage to read almost all of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban while in midair.
For the probably 4th time.
But no big deal.
And I'm not counting.
I really gotta hand it to Rowling - her, C.S. Lewis and Tolkien are the only people who I've read twice. I don't see the point in re-reading a book that you've already read because there are so many other books out there! Why would you waste your time??
Now sometimes, its ok. Like with Harry Potter or Narnia or Lord of The Rings because it is just that good.
But anything else?
No.
Not gonna happen.
Carol, I found your Darcy book.
Its up in my room.
I completely forgot it the other night.

Also I stuck a burrito in the microwave here at work cause I was still hungry after my small portion of tomato soup...and now the whole office smells like it. Awesome...I wonder if theres a window I can open...I would prop the outside door open but one of the ladies before she left for lunch was like "Theres a bunch of money on my desk so don't let anyone near it."
Guess where the outside door is.
FML.

SOOOOOO.....just chillin in the office...alone...eating my burrito that really isn't turning out to be very good...and listening to Sinatra.
And trying to think of something to say to take up the next 30 min. Because my burrito is gone. And my brain is too tired to keep thinking of things to write since I was a unsuspecting victim of "I can't sleep cause I've been on vacation going to bed at 2:00 a.m. for the past 10 days and so I see no reason to sleep now even though you can't sleep-in until 11:00. No. Instead you have to be up at 6:30. But you'll be fine. Just keep watching "Pretty Woman" and telling yourself you'll be fine"
Great. The stupid song mentioned honey.
And I suddenly want some honeyed toast.
Damn pregnancy.

I hate jet lag.

-Shell

p.s. This is the aforementioned duck.

We call him Gary.

Mustard vs. Yogurt

2009-04-10T14:11:00.003-04:00

Riddle me this - Why is country music so depressing?

On a side note, my yogurt just attacked my uniform...awesome...should have eaten a sandwich instead. Mustard much safer than yogurt.
Not.

So I'm sitting here, making power points for various people in charge who seem to be completely computer illiterate and yet somehow hold positions like "Chief of police" and "Head of investigations". That makes me feel safe.
Not.
If your going to arrest people and investigate things, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO MAKE A FRIGGIN SPREADSHEET!

Not that hard.
Reeeallllyy not that hard.

ALSO, so my boss is getting moved to a different department.
And I'm the only person who works with her. BUT no one seems to know where all of her work will go. Since I'm Temp Duty right now (so I do whatever needs done. Its pretty FING ANNOYING), I have this sinking feeling they are going to give her job to me.
AND LET ME TELL YOU, THIER SHYTE IS GOING OUT THE WINDOW!!!
The people over our department are so freaking retarded! I just want to punch them all in the face!!
Little STUPID things like this:
We mail different investigation cases to different departments. Well when we do this we ARE REQUIRED TO:
1. Take the case file, put in a manila envelope.
2. Take boxing tape and TAPE ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOP OF THE MAILA ENVELOPE.
3. My boss writes her intials over the tape. To ensure...what????
4. We put that envelope in another inter dept. mail envelope.
5. (you thought it would end there, didn't you???? So did I.)
5!! YOU TAPE ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOP OF THE FING INTER DEPT MAIL ENVOLOPE!!! Completely destroying a very reusable object. Oh. And she initials that tape too.

This thing has 50 To:/From text boxes. You are supposed to use these envelopes 50xs. We use them once and they are never used again because someone HAS TO GET A CHAINSAW TO OPEN THE DAMN THING TO READ THE CASE ABOUT THE KID WHO REPORTED THAT SOMEONE BROKE INTO HIS UNLOCKED CAR AND STOLE HIS RADIO!!
*long pause in which I silently scream and mime stabbing stupid people in the face*
*deep breath*

Soooo...
If this job becomes mine? That crap? Its gonna go away. I almost picked up a book and threw it at my boss yesterday...
AND TODAY.

She is calling from the other room (as she corrects a document that there is no need to correct) in this little condescending tone "Oh honey! You did good on the "C"s!"

Story:

So on base, they give out tickets. They mean abbooouuuttt jack crap. You pay nothing. Its so lame. The only thing they can do is restrict you from driving ON THE BASE.
....ok....
I work with all those tickets.
This lady I work for?
About 3,000 years old.
She's nice and all, just annoying. And confusing. And confused.
And we make a list of all the people who are "restricted".
Before, this list was in Microsoft Word.
Which is so stupid cause its set up like a spread sheet so adding to it is like trying to convince Samolian pirates not to steal our stuff.
So I took this list and did what any SANE PERSON would do and put it into Excell! Not that hard! I type around 6 billion wpm so it was an easy day.
I also went through and deleted all the people whose restriction was over. There are boxes that say "Date restricted" "Date complete"
I went through and did the obvious (asked before I did it though, so don't even say anything about that!!) and took out all the "Date complete" people who were off restriction.

Well she went through (I think cause I've caught her up on all her work and she was really bored today, cause usually she doesn't do JACK that concerns going back and checking because she is so far behind on everything. BUT! Then I appeared and did things like create excell pages for everything so it was actually recorded instead of on sticky notes...) all the restricted TICKETS themselves so CHECK that all the people who had ever been placed on restriction had come in to see her and checked out of restriction.
What???????
And she got all mad at me because I had deleted them off the list already.
So this guy had been on restriction until January, 2009. Thats past. I took him off. Apparently the poor guy never came to her office and showed her his updated registration and requested to be let off of restriction.
And according to the people over our department, THEY ARE STILL RESTRICTED BECAUSE THEY NEVER DID THIS.
There are people she wants back on that list that got off restriction a year ago!
And she got all mad at me for taking them off. A job that she told me to do. And she said she was going to get in trouble.

A. ....What???

B. Who the heck is going to check?? The people over our department are so busy they don't have time to come to our building and go through our tickets to check and see that each restriction ticket has a checkmark saying that they have brought in their info and checked out of restriction.

C. ....WHAT?????

So there she sits, going through all 9 billion restrictions, checking them, checking the list, checking the old list...and then saying "You deleted another one!" when she finds some girl from April of 06 who was placed on restriction for not registering on base within 30 days of reporting, who never came to our office and said "I registered."

So she goes back on the list.

Seriously.

And I got pissed! I called her on it and was like "WHY?? This is overkill and stupid. Screw it."
"Well those people over our department, they want it."
"Why? Screw them too."
"Because the CO wants it that way! And they are scared of that mans shadow!"
"SCREW THE CO!! WHY is everyone so afraid of this guy? It is so wrong to be scared of anyone in charge! You do YOUR JOB, not WHAT HE WANTS. So he "prefers" that people be on restriction for all of time because he has a fixation with slow and perfect driving. He needs to chill. Or else do all this paper work himself."

But no.
I almost got my throat slit for saying a ticket he ordered the popo to give to a girl was stupid and unreasonable and shouldn't have happened and she should contest it.
He GUESSED her speed to be 70 in a 45.
And she got the ticket and the restriction. That was high enough it will follow her to her next command where they will check in her car and not allow her to drive it.
So wrong.
So incredibly wrong.
But since she said she felt the CO was mistaken when she went to court for it? They screwed her.
You can't say he's wrong.

This Navy...
This Navy is messed up.

This Navy isn't something I am proud of any longer.
This Navy is something I can't wait to leave.

So there's my rant for the day.
I'm pretty excited to have ranted...

Now back to the 100+ page dispatchers manual I must create....

-Shell

Mushroom farm revolution kills the mind.

2009-04-09T14:30:00.002-04:00

So I'm sitting at work again...hooray...hahaha...
BORING.
I actually have no idea what I'm doing cause people are calling for people I don't know...this isn't my real job...I don't answer phones except when the silly phone people go home cause they're sick...gross...I cloroxed the life out of this desk when I sat down...sicky germs...
I don't really have anything to say actually...who is the AT? I dont know. The ATO perhaps? I don't know. Someone poke me in the eyes.
I'm not making any sense...mostly cause I have the headache from hades that came down this morning as I opened my eyes and it hasn't left yet.
Anyway.
Went to Disney World with my sister and her two kids when they came to visit last weekend...that was fun :) I will post pictures if I ever get a chance...
GOSH I'M BORING TODAY!! Brain...won't...function...
The kid is kicking around these days. We find out what kind it is the 27th. My mom is due in July. With a girl. Weird. She's almost 50. This was the "Oh...whoops..." kid. Kinda gross to know my parents still do that stuff. Yeah. I'm 20. And married. And I'm sure I'll still be sneaking off to the broom closet when I'M 50, but that doesn't mean its not weird to think of your mom and dad doing that. I mean seriously!!
Sooo...I'm gonna go play more games...addictinggames.com...I play Mushroom Revolution a lot...mostly cause the mushrooms look so cute until you give them powers and then they look like they are going to eat your face off and giggle while they do it...

-Shell

You think YOU'VE got problems...

2009-02-26T12:34:00.002-05:00

Ok. So if my life could get anymore jacked up I'm not sure what would have to happen. Seriously. This is retarded. I'm blown away by the...ness of this mess.

Here I am. In the navy.
Pregnant!
Oh yeah. Having a kid in September. What happened? Simple answer there...if you don't know I'm not going to try and explain it to you.
Whose?
Allen's of course (for all you meanies who have questioned about the father of this child. I hate you all). He has moved down to Pensacola and we are eloping Friday. Tomorrow. Wow. But we've been TRYING to for two weeks so nbd...
Anyway.
Aircrew school is a high risk training environment so they dropped me, seeing as they don't want to hurt my kid. Me? Thats ok. But not the kid. Hahaha...
So I was sent to an inbetween place for a while. I didn't have a job and I am all medicaly jacked up they don't know what to do with me...ya know.
I requested seperation from the navy due to pregnancy. They screwed with me for a long time and then decided FINE! But we aren't letting you go until 30 days before delivery.
Nice.
Jerks.
So I'll have 30 days to move home, find a doctor, figure out how to pay for the kid...awesome. The military isn't as lily white as they seem. They like to screw people over. Makes me proud to be American...except for not.
So yesterday they sudden give me orders to work in the security office and move out of my barracks asap. Mothertruckers...good thing I have the awesomest friend in the world though who is letting Allen stay with them until we get an apartment. I just crashed at her house and puked all morning (I have morning sickness from hell...that lasts until 5:00 at night...) then went in and here I am. They were just showing me around and checking me in and this secretary suddenly needed a phone answerer so they stopped my checkin blablabla crap and sat me at the phone.
I'm feeling ill again. Awesome. I threw up 7xs yesterday so I'm hoping that today isn't going to be a repeat.
So that's my life as I know it. Though its nice cause they kicked me out of barracks so NO MORE COMMUNAL SHOWERS AND ROOMMATES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!! FRICK YEAH!!!! I'm pretty much excited beyond all reason about that.
People have been really horrible about my wanting to leave the military. I understand to a point and yet they need to get off their high horse and stop trying to be all self righteous and let me make this decision for me and my family now. Its not just about me. Its about a child and a husband. Allen doesn't want to be a single dad while I'm off deployed and I do not ever want to have to leave my child like that. I'm also required to go back to work 6 weeks after delivery. Who the heck is going to take care of an infant? So I think people need to mind their own business and let me make my own decisions that are best for me and my family.

*ahem*
Anyway. I love you all.
*hugs*
Cheers
-Shell

Twice a day is better...

2008-12-09T20:44:00.002-05:00

So I've made two visits today...what of it??
I think I've been away from the keyboard so long that its like when you start smoking again - you thought you were done but all it took was one cigarette and its all over, you know you can't go back.
I've missed words.
The way they flow without thought or meditation. How they are so honest but I don't even realize it until I return to read them later.

I watch the people around me here, and no one lives honestly. Everything is a lie or an attempt to impress. They walk around being confused, wondering why things don't make sense to them but in facts it their own fault - you tell enough lies and you won't be able to see up from down. I'm not saying I don't try to impress people - I strive to be the best here and make sure my instructors know I'm the best. Even if I'm not. But its different...and the girls are mostly whores. Except Goldie and I...Goldie rocks.
It was odd, but people notice I'm not like the other girls. Like a guy today was talking to me about life and asked if I was married.
I said yes.
Then no.
Then almost.
He asked if I was getting a divorce.
I said no, I'm engaged.
Why did I say yes?? Not sure.
But he commented that I wasn't like the other girls - lack of throwing myself at every male who passed by and whatnot. Odd that they notice.

Sometimes people ask what my day is like.
I laugh at them.
And tell it to them sort of like so:

I woke up just like any other day. To the sound of my roommates alarm clack screaming like a banshee at 0500. She got up after a few years later...and pushed snooze.
"BROOKE."
"*muffled*What?"
"Did you push snooze?"
"Yeahh...I'll get up in a little bit."
"TURN IT OFF OR GET UP NOW. IF IT GOES OFF AGAIN..."
"@$$&$$^&! Fine! I'm getting up now. %$^ch..."
*falls back asleep*
Almost an hour later I was in PT gear, water bottle and swim roll in hand, running to the chow hall to eat my usual breakfast of a banana and a cup of yogurt. I eat the same friggin thing every morning - mostly cause I don't have to stand in line to get to it. That and I can eat in under five minuets, and the possibility of regurgitating bacon and eggs during PT is much less appealing than that of heaving up a banana and yogurt - that's pretty much like barfing up a shake, no big deal.
I eat, I toss my tray, and I walk slowly the one block to the barracks to get in formation for PT.

When I arrived at the PT formation, it was already a huge gagglefudge of idiots all talking about how they got laid the night before and spitting out the last of their tobacco remains onto the sidewalk - which I often step into and track back into my room.
Lovely.
The corpsman (nurse? I think so. I want to call him a nurse sometimes just to see his face turn red as he tried to stop the explosion in his brain from going straight to his overweight heart and killing him. Not that I'd mind whatsoever if it got to his heart. Pretty sure I'd poke him to make sure he was dead before I called 911. This is how awesome this guy is) comes out and screams some nasty words.
He doesn't like people talking.
When he asks you a question you answer "Yes" or "No".
Plain and simple.
Its completely outrageous. He screwed over my life last week so we aren't getting along so well. Actually I want to continually come to him with female problems. Like really gruesome ones. I'll think of something...ideas? STDs are a no-go but just about anything else...too bad I'm not a whore like everyone else or we could go somewhere with that...
Anyway.
Evil little man comes out and screams, inserts the word "Shall" into his sentences a lot and drops more f bombs than points we lost in the stock market last month.
After the screaming, Mr. Walter comes out.
This man is one of my hero's. He is sweeto. He oversees all of us kids waiting to start class and makes sure all is well. He is the closest thing to a Dad any of us have here.
He goes through around 200 names every morning, making sure we are all there. People don't pay any attention, just keep talking about blood being in weird places and spitting on the sidewalk. By my shoe. One of these days they are gonna miss and I'm going to back-kick a shipmate to the face.
It'll happen...I'm sure of it...

After muster is taken (its the Navy. We have the most retarded names for stuff. Seriously), Mr. Ruber arrives.
This man is about 5"6' (66 inches, just to help out your math Sixth), probly 138 pounds, and tan, with almost white hair, and has an almost Asian-like ageless quality. And he's buff. Like if you took 138 pounds and made it into pure lean muscle, this would be Mr. Ruber.
We call our PT sessions, Mr. Ruber PT.
If you have a six pack, you have Mr. Ruber abs.
If you go on a 12 mile run, you went on a Mr. Ruber run.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Mr. Ruber before he goes to bed.
If Mr. Ruber were immortal...we can't prove he isn't.
He could run a mile and a half in 7:30 at the age of 18. He runs it in about 8:00 now. Added on a whole 30 seconds in 30 years...that's a whole second a year.
He does one armed push ups while we do two armed. He does one armed pull ups while someone has to help me over the pull up bar.
He is in constant pain because of some sort of knee injury, but he still runs. Sometimes when he's on his meds though, he laughs out loud at us.
He is pretty much the craziest man you've ever met. Everyone loves him.
Then there is Mr. Evans, the swim instructor for kids who can't swim (like myself). He leads the league of Iron Ducks. We sink. Or at least think we're going to. Some of us used to wear floaties when we went to the deep end.
Yeah.
I was one of the handicapped kids.
Mr. Evans is the most perverted old man you've ever met. He once admitted to checking out my butt when I left the pool to use the bathroom.
But somehow its alright.
Don't ask me why. I'm pretty sure he's the only person in the world who can say the things he does without me turning around and elbowing him in the face. None of us can say why its ok when he says it, but it is.
Weird.
Don't ever try to get me to explain because I can't.
So there we all stand, all 200 of us, awaiting our instruction from our respective instructors.
"AIRCREW, ARE YOU FIT TO TRAIN?"
"HOOYAH!"
And off we march to the PT field where we proceed to have our butts handed to us for a couple of hours.
We march back.
We eat.
We repeat the exact same thing we were doing at 0620 and return an hour and a half later.
We shower.
We iron.
We muster again.
Why?
I don't know.
We eat.
We play.
We sleep.
And we wake up the next morning to repeat exactly what happened the day before.

Anyway.
Thats my day.
I've lost my storytelling ability.
Its freaking me out so I have to leave.
I used to be able to make all that into a glorious tale and I can't anymore.
Help.
Sixth - HAH! I MENTIONED YOU! WHAT NOW?!?!
Just kidding...well...not kidding...but you know what I mean...Anyway. Your "encouragement" was very encouraging...*cough cough* *laughing* Actually it was a twisted way of looking at things. So twisted it made me smile.
Carol - I found something that will make you happy in the back of my forms notebook...

TEN DAYS PEOPLE AND I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!
LA DEE FREAKING DA!!!
-Shell
p.s. Now I'm off to re-injure my knee so the doctor will admit something is truly wrong with it instead of looking at me and telling me to stretch and ice it.
Carter and I wanted to kick each other in the shins until we couldn't walk anymore so we can get a discharge.
My sisters thinks they would catch on.
She hasn't met "them".
Idiots.
Complete idiots.

"Where you going?" "Mexico. I like tacos."

2008-12-09T11:21:00.003-05:00

Good.
Grief.
I have been gone far too long.
I can't remember the last time I was here.
And life has changed for me dramatically since I first began this lowly blog.
Far too many people have read it that I never wanted to have read it. I have often regretted things I have wrote but have only erased my thoughts a few times, hoping that honestly in the end would prove to be the best road to travel. It often is. Verywell, it always is.

I am in Pensacola, and not enjoying myself very much. I will be honest - the military lifestlye and mindset does not suit me, as many people predicted it would not. For all of you out there smirking and saying "I told you so..."
Silence.
I already know.

I am at Aircrew Candidate School...and it is a candidate school. Like how there is officer candidate school? Same sort of setup. You have to pass, they can kick you out, and you are allowed to drop at any time.
And trust me, I've thought about dropping more times than I can count. Sometimes it is almost a physical battle against my mind to keep from simply stopping and saying "I'm done."
And yet at the same time I know it would be a physicaly mental battle to admit I was finished trying, that it was not for me.
I've never truly lost.
I always get what I want.
I am a spoilt, spoilt, spoilt little girl.
This I know.
I always know everything and when someone tells me "No." I generally change their mind or find a way to make "No." mean "Yes."
Is that messed up?
Yeah.
But its the way I am. I was raised to win.
Now I don't think thats the way my parents intended it to be. I look back now and I think I twisted around the things Dad would say to me and make them seem like he was trying to push me to be the best no matter what!
He isn't like that.
But I took his words and his actions and warped them to seem like he was pushing me to always exceed everyone around me.
I think I thought I was a lot better at things than I actually was...like soccer. I sucked at soccer. But in my mind I wasn't all that bad. Pride.
I have a slight problem with that too...

Not sure why this life update is turning into confession hour...

But God has taken care of me. I'm trying to figure out if this is where I'm supposed to be or if He wants to send me to Mass Communications school instead *hint hint hint hint hint hint cough cough cough*
And I think I secretly pray that I will be dropped from the program and be sent there. But the sad thing is, knowing God and the way my life tends to go, I'll be dropped and He'll be like "Well...about MC school...not so much...here, go be a corpsman."
And I'll be like "No."
But He is one guy that if you make His "No." a "Yes." you will live to regret it. As I am doing at this very moment. I know I wasn't supposed to join the military but I did. I worked my way around what I knew was right. And I'm paying a very heavy price for my pride. Very, very, very heavy price.
But He takes care of me. Always. Hasn't failed to do that yet.

So as I sit here and wallow in self pitty, almost wishing that I weren't hard working or motivated and that the instructors didn't have any respect for me, I have to continually remind myself that even though I made a mistake, He will take it and make it beautiful in the end. Painfuly...perhaps...but beautiful all the same.

I was able to go home and surprise the family (and Carol and sort of surprise Allen) for Thanksgiving! That was so much fun. I would take the day and 1/2 bus ride 20xs over to see the expression on my mom's face (And Katrina's!) again. I will never regret coming home, even if I couldn't really afford it and I spent more time on the bus than I did at home.
I don't care.
It was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

I do miss martial arts a lot.
A lot lot.
I miss the absolute certainty of it. The forms were always the same, no matter what. I missed the challenge and the power and assuredness I would feel in the dojo. Even if it was a terrible class and I was a complete failure during sparring, I would still leave with an incredible sense of accomplishment - I was doing something no one else does. Ok...a few people. But you know what I mean. I miss the people most of all I think. The jokes with Steve, the wisdom from Master Love, the innocent brilliance of Brandon, the inspiration of Mrs. Love, even the intimidation I always felt around Mark even when we were kids - he was the chubby 14 year old kid and there I was at 16 completely feeling like a fool when he would teach me something.
I miss all of it.
And I miss the security. It was always there. It had always been there. And it would always be there. That was more comforting than anything. When I was home I drove past the dojo and I just had to slow down and look at it for a moment, make sure it was there, make sure nothing was amiss, wish that I could climb those stairs and step onto that freezing cold floor, bowing as I came through the door. Even with the floor that always chipped and was falling apart, sometimes shoving huge splinters into your unsuspecting feet, even with the heat in the summer and the freezing in the winter, even with the smell of garbage that would come through the windows in the fall or the rain that would make it sometimes impossible to hear Master Loves instruction in the spring, and even when I was late to class and I knew that The Look was awaiting me, it is one of the most beautiful, peaceful places in this world.
I would be hard pressed to find a place more like home except for home itself.

Well, I am on a simple lunch break and must return to my duties for the day - which are very little seeing as I am waiting to see the doctor about my knee problems tomorrow so they won't let me PT with everyone else. I hate running but I've become accustom to it and its tearing me into small peices to be continually sitting around. I think I'll run tonight. Just to spite them...

I love you and miss you...all three of my readers! Hahaha! Let me know your alive, please?
-Shell

Courage is not always a roar. Sometimes it is that still small voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".

2008-11-18T16:31:00.002-05:00

Here I am in Pensacola...
I know I've been MIA for quite some time.
Yes, it is true, what they say about sailors.
All they do is drink and smoke and cuss and fight and sit around.
Except for me! No drinking, smoking, cussing or fighting, and I work hard (comparatively) every day.
So all I do right now is work out. We go out, "get beat" for hours a day and then do whatever we want after 3:00. Its not bad. I get paid to be forced to stay in good shape!
I'm on hold at aircrew candidate school.
And I just realized I need to go do something NOW
I'll talk more later!!
-Shell

Boot Camp...= boring.

2008-09-20T11:56:00.003-04:00

Ok.
So.
Boot camp.
Was boring. I am now an official United States Sailor. Hooyah.
Heh...
So I have a couple hours off this weekend.
Carol, I haven't call you and this is why - am with Fiancee this weekend :) If next week you get a random phone number on your phone - ANSWER IT. Its a payphone in IL, that I will have to use for a while cause I'm not allowed to have my cell for a while still.
This keyboard SUCKS so I'm not going to say anything else much except that I'm alive...didn't fall off any boats...yet...but they tuahgt us what to do if we DO fall off a boat. And told us that if you do, and they don't find you within the first 2 mins, you could end up as far as 20 miles away from the boat before they do. If they ever do.
Scary?
Slightly.
Love ya, miss ya, will perhaps give a detailed account later...
-Shell

2008-04-30T11:21:00.002-04:00

Oh dear mother of roses and violets...I hate ignorant people.

I leave for basic at the end of July : ) And I will be absent for two whole entire months. And then often absent after that I suppose. Aircrew begins! Pain and agony begins...But I'm looking forward to it, not gonna lie. Is that sick and twisted? Probably.

I have been in a strange mode of lates. And I mean mode, not mood. I've kind of been on autopilot. I'm so tired and yet I just keep truckin' on. I'm so bored and yet I keep doing the same thing over and over. I'm so annoyed and yet I keep silent. I'm incredibly anxious and yet earily calm. I feel like I'm going to explode and yet I am more relaxed than I have ever been.

Its not good, friends. Its not good. I think I'm starting to freak out about leaving, about giving up control of what I do for the next six years. I wish other people were excited about my decision. The general reaction is "Wow...I didn't know that...I didn't know that...so your not going to keep singing? Or theatre? Because you really are incredible!"

Yeah? Well too bad. I'm tired of it. I mean, I love it. But I'm tired of it. So yeah...

I know I sound depressed but I'm actually not...I'm in a really good mood today. I'm tired, but in a good mood. Again! I want to lay down and sleep and at the same time I want to go on a couple mile run!

ANYWAY. Now that you know that Shell is a walking basket-case...

Yeah.
I'm trying to think...hhmm...I have a young protegie! He is young and he is overweight and he is leaving for the Navy a couple weeks after me. And I am beating him and its fun!
Beating means PTing...by the way...a beating in the military is just getting a harsh workout. And I'm not beating him very badly at all, actually. Poor kid can only do 50 pushups in 2 min and they are in terrible form at that! And only 30 situps. But then, I only got 97 yesterday and I was kinda annoyed about that. And only 60 pushups *super sad face* *super annoyed face*

I don't even know why I'm updating! I shoudld be memorizing my lines...*sigh*

Please, comment, let me know you are alive and breathing. I do care.
-Shell
P.S. I refuse to spell check or proof read before posting. HA!

Apprehensive much? Perhaps.

2008-03-14T11:40:00.002-04:00

Apprehensive
Function:
adjective
Date:
14th century
1 : capable of apprehending or quick to do so : discerning
2 : having apprehension : cognizant
3 : viewing the future with anxiety or alarm

I'm gonna go with # 3.

I don't know why. I just suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety about...life.
I seriously am like, almost freakin' out. Its weird. I don't get like that very often. Ever, actually.
I kind of realized how much I have to get done before I leave for the Navy.
Including learn how to swim like a fish.
And run a couple miles (I used to be able to, but I stopped running for a while after I couldn't go Marine Corps and lost it), and do pushups forever and...SO MUCH STUFF!
And sometimes it just hits me that holycow! I'm actually going to start life! So far I've just kind of...lived.
I feel like I have no time. Like life is just coming at me a million miles an hour and I'm stuck to the ground, too afraid to move out of the way, part of me not wanting to because I want to know what it will feel like when it hits me.

I need to go write.
-Shell

It was the plan, it wasn't the plan...that wasn't the question...

2008-02-26T13:46:00.005-05:00

Chicago was AMAZING.

I found some really fantastic "art"...on a doorway on State Street....

Also paid a visit to the Museum of Contemporary Art (Allen in apparently into modern art...who knew? Obviously not his girl friend...)

And found what looks to me to be a man upchucking. It was the sign for the water fountains....

And all in all, we had a great weekend, even when he stole my little sisters scarf (which...I stole from her...so fairs fair I suppose...)

AND my glorious sparkly silver hat...and wore them both...in public...I worry sometimes...I worry...*laughs*

Also, this last Friday I joined the Navy.

The one in the United States.

Controlled by the US government. So don't worry, no Blackwater for me. I will be doing "legal" things.

Aircrew.

Fun stuff.

Really.

I'm excited. Except for boot camp, which in the Navy is really lame'o'rhama.

Allen wasn't too happy, but he's ok now. I think. Or he's pretending. I can't tell over the phone. I hate the phone. Sometimes I want to smash it...

I have to learn how to swim now. I mean, I can swim to the point where I won't DIE, but otherwise...I'm going to look like a COMPLETE idiot in front of my recruiters. Which is stupid. I hate looking dumb.

I want to go to the gym today but I'm not going to have time. I went yesterday for a long time and my muscles don't hurt but my joints do. Which is stupid...I think my recruiter might make me go work out when I go up there for paperwork crap today. Greeeeaaaatt....just great. I workout alone, and I like it that way.

*mutters darkly*

I miss Allen.

I'm failing math class.

I'm a slacker.

I can't sleep at night.

And I haven't been to church in a long time. And want to go. But its Tuesday. So...its not gonna happen. I miss church...

Love,

-Shell

This is My Country

2008-02-13T11:17:00.004-05:00

I can't really vent here anymore thanks to a retarded move on my part so...hi people. Wish I could tell ya', but I can't.

On another note, I'll be in Chicago this weekend! Hooray! Going to see Allen for a couple days and will be back Monday night. ALMOST Canada! Haha!

Excuse me while I go punch something really hard.

Speaking of which - I was singing the other day (making it up I believe) and I was wearing glasses but at a dramatic part in the song I tossed them onto the counter in mock frustration. I was also wearing a hat and at the high point in the song where the character finally just gives up (or whatever I had the character do) I whipped off my hat and went to chuck it across the room.
Unfortunately for me, when I can't see I have no depth perception. And I ended up punching the heck out of a chair instead.
It hurt.
Badly.
I have bruises.
I can finally bend all my fingers straight again, though! Hooray.

That crap about people protesting outside of a Marine Recruiting office and blocking off kids trying to enlist or the recruiters in to do their jobs made me angry beyond all reason.
So angry I cried because there was nothing I could do about it. It seriously broke my heart and made me sick to my stomach. How could you become so liberal that you are essentialy an alien in your own country?
Why don't we just get rid of the military? Eh?
Thing is there honey, that you gotta get rid of everyone elses too or else you'd be in some deep shyte. Please, excuse me while I go support the people that make sure I'm not obliviated by a nuclear missle.
Yeah.
And excuse me if I don't hesitate to punch you in the face if you ever try to throw your bullcrap on me. I have watched my friends and godparents and family and now, my best friend give their entire lives to their country. Sure, so far all of them are still alive. But I know every single one of them would die without question if it meant keeping the rest of the United States out of harms way. Keep them ignorant of the world around them.
But sure, why not? Why don't you spit on them in the streets? Why don't you picket against what they do for a living? Why don't you go protest their funerals? Why don't you do you best to make sure that less and less young people step up to the plate and defend your civil right to do so??
Oh wait.
You already are.

Please, excuse me while I weep for my country and what its people have become. Call me overly conservative and intollerant? Maybe that will balance your liberalism and ignorance.

You think we have an immigration problem? Think again.
-Shell

NEXT! Please, take your shoes off before passing through the metal detector.

2008-02-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

So Sixth, I'm checkin' out Blackwater right now...I have never heard of it but these people ROCK! Too bad you have to be the craziest baddass EVER to join them! I'm tellin' Allen about these people...wow...I'm amazed...I like how their website is very vague about exactly what they do, but the pictures of men running in full gear carrying their M16s and SAWs pretty much answered all my questions. And the fact that you need to be qualified as things like a sniper, Army Ranger, and Navy SEAL in order to join helped with the mental picture I'm getting in my head. MAN, I WANT TO JOIN THAT!! Too bad America won't let women train to be assasins in the military. Stupid mothertruckers...ANYWAY, how did the crazy Canadian man know about this but the violence *COUGH* I MEAN ADVENTURE loving American had no idea??!!

I'm pretty much physched and I think I'm going to become obsessed with this "organization" really fast. I do that...like how I am just slightly obssesed with the SEALs. And a little with the SAS. And the Marines. Though that last one has become really painful to think and read about.

SO...I'm still confused as heck. If some crazy people who trained women to do crazy things (NO, prostitution does NOT count. I KNOW at least ONE of you went there so I'm callin' ya back, NOW) in the name of good (and ya know what, at this point, possibly evil) and all that, I would do it. I wish Robin Hood was around. Or I could be Mulan. I just want an frigging adventure with life threatening situtions! DO YOU MIND?!?! And people are like "No, Shell, you don't. When the time comes you won't."

But people, you don't understand, there are very fews things in this world sweeter than not being able to do something at first and then working your butt off and finally getting it. The thing I was looking forward too the most with the Marine Corps was boot camp and being deployed. I didn't even really care what I actually did in the Marines, I just wanted to go to boot camp and be the best one there, and be deployed to somewhere highly dangerous too see how it feels to get shot at. I've always wondered. And I think it would be the most mind blowing experiance EVER because you could die at any second! And it would make living so freaking sweet! But if you died then it'd all be over so...it wouldn't really matter. And if you were shot but didn't die then you would know how much pain your system could take.

I have a very sick and twisted mind.

Not gonna lie.

Carol, don't let your mom read this - I'll never be able to visit your family again!!

Sixth, don't let YOUR mom read this - I'll never...well...I don't know...she might have nightmares? Sure, we'll go with that. Heck, YOU might have nightmares! Still want me to email you? Think on that...*laughing* **and NOT the evil kind, though at this point I'm sure thats all you can imagine**

ANYWAY.
No plan.
No direction.
Floating.
Willing to work for money. Or for free cause I'm that bored.
Extremely willing to do something ridiculously stupid and dangerouse.
If you have any ideas (and Blackwater has already been used so think up something new here people cause I've got a lot of training to do before I can join those crazy baddasses) please, let me know.

Also I was supposed to talk to the Navy yesterday and they never showed up. Yeah. Thanks guys. Love you too. YOU CALLED ME! WHAT GIVES?!?! Jerks...thats why I wanted to join the Marine Corps! AAAAA!! *throws things around in complete frustration*

Yeah, I'm free to do whatever else I want.

Thing is.

I don't have anything I want to do except you know, things I can't like...train with Buddist monks for the next 5 years and learn to beat the living crap out of anyone (including my insane Navy SEAL boyfriend. Hello boyfriend...not that he reads this, being a baddass who doesn't like to read...) at any time. I really just want an adventure. ANY KIND of adventure. But where do I start?!!
I love you all (all...um...2 of you? Yeah. Sure. Why not?) and hope your doing ok.
Sixth, I'm off to email you the most innapropriate moments in cinema history.
-Shell

BUT INSTEAD

2008-01-31T18:05:00.000-05:00

So I had messed up protien levels. Again
And I was Disqualified from the Marines.
And now I'm more depressed than I have ever been in my entire life. Ya'll know me - I bounce back like a freakin tennis ball. But I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my entire life. I honestly cannot remember ever crying that hard.
Apparently it is a symptom that can lead to kidney problems and diabeties???? THE HECK! I don't understand!
I work out at least 2 hours almost every single day. I have played soccer all my life, done martial arts, never been sick a day in my life! I honestly can only remember even having the flu a couple times in my entire life.
And I felt like this was really what I was supposed to do.
I have never been so confused. I am just...lost. I feel like I'm standing in this empty room without any doors. And its a really boring room with nothing to do and no where to go. I've never NOT had a direction to go. Ever. I have always known exactly what I wanted to do.
I just don't understand.
What now?
WHAT FREAKING NOW?!?!
I'm sorry you guys have to hear me rant. Its not something I should be yelling at anyone, I'm just so frustrated and I've never wanted a hug so badly. I don't really like hugs (unless they're from Allen and thats a different story, haha), I mean, they are ok and I hug people but I never WANT a hug.
And now I do.
But there is no one to hug.
People say they are sorry and "It must not be God's plan."
WELL THEN WHAT IS?!?! DO YOU MIND?!!?!
I hate crying. It sucks. And its hurting my eyes. I need to go take my contacts out...

Love you all, and miss you. SIXTH! Step lively my Candian friend! CAROL! Lets do something retarded this summer, eh?
-Shell

Yes, And Here You Are. Longest Story Ever.

2008-01-16T07:20:00.000-05:00

I feel solicited...yes, Sixth, I feel a hint of filth overcoming my life...*gags*

You ask why the Marines or why the military in general?
Its one and the same and yet not.
And some days, I have no idea. Like last night I was phsyched! I was ready to go and wanted to run around like a crazy person except that I had to care for small children and was about to fall over from lack of sleep. Sort of...not lack of sleep really...it'll come later in the story!

Now sit back, grab some popcorn and whatnot my dear fellows because this story is a whopping big one and its not even really begun!! If you have that program that reads it out loud for you, I would advise to switch it on because I realize I have yet to give a true chronicle of my adventures leading up to the Marines and people...ITS TIME!
Plus I just love blogging *laughs* WRITING! It just makes me happy inside : )

OH! Before I forget...no...that will be in the story.
And so without freakinfurther ado! Here we go...

____________

I was fourteen years old when the first file containing my desire to join the military was filed. My dear Uncle came to visit the fall of my Freshman year in high school and he was in the Air Force. I believe by that time he had recently retired, but was still full of stories. I think he would still be in it if he hadn't gotten married - he enjoyed his time there for the most part. And I remember listening to his crazy stories about the countries he had been too and the fearful situations he had gotten himself out of and going "SWEET!!"

I was a patriotic kid (you people have no idea. I.E. When Bush won the 2004 election, my sister and I created posters which we attached to ourselves and wore the entire day that proclaimed his victory and our jubilation!), and the military was always something that struck pride in my heart. I would see people in uniform and it would just make me so proud of my country! I would see old vets saluting the flag and wish that I had earned the right to salute instead of doing the old Civy Hand-Over-Heart. But I was a kid, and there was yet time.

So during the time my Uncle was at our house, I was overcome with the sudden urge to eat yogurt in the middle of the night. Well, probably 12:30 or so. Being fourteen I couldn't drive, and my parents were ready for bed. But the Uncle was not! He said "LETS GO!" And we hopped in his car and went.

And somehow we got into the subject of the military. I have documented evidence of that evening (I was a crazy journaling fiend even then) and I told him that I would love to join! But only the Marines or the National Guard. Don't ask me why the NG, because I doubt I even knew what it was except for what my Uncle had told me. But I knew what the Marines were - the most kick butt soldiers in the world save for Special Forces.

He told me I could do it! He said it was something to be proud of! And I believe him and it stuck with me. I never forgot that conversation. Except that I did and remembered only after reading my old journals a few months ago! *laughing* And the more I read my old journals, the more I've found references to the military and most times, the Marines. They were freaking crazy! In my eyes they had no fear - they served their country and that was it. No questions asked. The End. That appealed to me for some reason and still does.

Years past and I was still on my theatre kick. I loved it, I breathed it, I lived it. Nothing else mattered more than being on that stage when those lights came up and knowing the audience was there and yet not caring one whit about it because you were about to give the performance of your life.
It didn't happen like that every time, but when it did it made all the other performances worth it.
Apparently over the years I talked about the Marines to others. My friends and siblings. My friends remember me and Allen talking about the military and how we wanted to join and thinking we were both crazy! Ha! Look at us now...WAY crazier than they thought we were!! And time passed and it always stuck with me. There were little brochure stands set up around my college with information on the Marines and I would pass them all the time and stare at them for a moment - but theatre was the goal and it takes a heck of a lot to change my mind about something.

But something changed in the fall of last year. I started to hate theatre. Not hate I suppose, but I lost the drive for it.
I have been on stage since I was four years old. Most people can't claim to have done anything for 15 years until they hit at least 35 or s0. I am 19 and I can! I have been on stage and loved it since I was 4. Burn out was bound to happen eventually (this is why I worry about child actors, but thats another story for another time).
And with burn out close at hand I began to wonder "What now??!!"
Theatre was my life and all I knew. Its still all I really know.
And the only other thing I had ever considered was the military. It appealed to everything in me that was patriotic and small town - which was most of me. Part of me said "Your out of your freakin' mind, Shell! No! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN?!?!"

Well...no.

So I started to research.
The Marines.
Everyone else was pansies.
I looked them up. I wanted to know. I wrote about my desire to join and blogged it (not here), talked to a few people and the general response was "Your crazy."
And I was afraid.
That only fueled the fire.
I love conquering fear! Its one of my favorites! I love being afraid when you start and when you are done looking back and seeing that fear gone! Its like nothing else.

I poked around about it.

Then Allen joined the Navy and I just went "SUPER! What now?!?!" Because when you finally love someone, what they do jacks around with your life. I didn't feel like I could join the Marines or if I did, people would look down on me thinking that I had joined because of him, or that I had joined to spite him.
It was neither. I just wanted to do it.
He and I chatted about it and I honestly don't think he thought I would do it -that it was probly a fling or that I wouldn't mess around with our relationship that much.
How wrong he was...
He left for boot camp asking that I talk to his mother about the military before I decided to join. She had been in the Air Force.
I talked to her.
She said I could do it, but that it would probly mean the doom of mine and Allen's relationship.

And here people is where we see the crazy selfish side of Shell.

Either I didn't believe her or I was willing to take the risk.

I called the Marines.

And as I punched "Send" on my phone, my heart stopped and I just thought "What am I doing." And nearly hung up.
And when I heard a voice, my heart started again at about 150.
But it was only voicemail!!
I left them my information and hung up, thanking God that it had been that easy and a big part of me hoping that they never called me back.
Two minuets later the phone rings. I jump about a mile high and grab it with lighting quick fingers, flicking the top open to see the number I had just dialed moments before as the ID for the incoming call.
And I almost died. Right then. Death.
I almost didn't answer it. Almost let it go to voicemail.
But I looked at the slight reflection of myself on that little screen and thought "YOU ARE NOT A PANSY!! ANSWER THAT FRICKING PHONE!"
*pause*
*DEEP breath*
*wants to puke*
*MUSNT!*
"Hello?"
"Is Rachele there?"
"This is she."
"Rachele this is Staff Srgnt....."

And away the questions went. I can't remember a scarier phone conversation. We arranged to meet the next evening and I hung up, looked at myself in the mirror and said "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!"
And I'm sure it won't be the last time.
I somehow got up the courage to tell my parents what I was doing (I had never mentioned it to them. In five years, I had never said a word to them about it) and the next day I was off to my appointment.
I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to not show up.
I wanted to call and tell him that something came up and the Marines were not for me.
I was scared. Crazy scared.
But as I looked across the street from my car into the window of that office and saw those posters on the wall telling me to have courage, I somehow found the guts to get out of the car, walk across the street and open the door.

I swear they weighted that door on purpose.

I pull at it and I can feel it isn't locked, but that sucker is stayin there!!
I yank at the door and after a tug-O-war worthy of the Olympics, I hauled that sucker open and stepped inside.
VICTORY WAS MINE!
But then the scared out of my mind-ness came back with the vengeance.
BUT! I have had practice being a tough girl. I grew up being the tough girl. I didn't have many girlfriends in high school and the couple that I did were ok with me being the biggest tomboy I could be. I just muttered "Shell, PRETEND! Its what you do."

The guy behind the desk just looks like a normal guy. He isn't 9 feet tall with arms as big around as my head, with a voice like a movie trailer announcer and eyes that never loose the Thousand Yard Stare.
He's a normal lookin' guy. With a normal voice. And normal eyes. A bit of a Southern accent. And he smiles when I walk into the office. I like when people smile. I tend to smile too much I suppose, but it always makes me happy when people smile. And I found myself smiling right back and a bit of that fear slipped away.

He stood, introduced himself and I shook his hand with a bow in my trained Martial Arts custom. After taking a seat he got right to the point "So why are you interested in the Marines?"

AWAY WE WENT!!

And when I left that office, I knew it was for me.
I wanted that they had to offer me.
And I wanted it bad.

I took my Dad down there to meet the recruiter a few days later to ask questions so he would be more ok with it, and told the Srgnt I would call after the weekend to let him know for sure if this was something I wanted to do.

I cried on the way home that night, knowing that I was going to tell him "I want to be a Marine." and that my life would never be the same. Even if I was disqualified somehow, just making that decision would change who I was and how my family saw me.
Most of all, it would change Allen and I.

*pause*
FEAR.
But it was what I was supposed to do!! So he called and I said "Sir, I want to be a Marine."

Away my life went! Talk about lifes situations changing every 3, 6, and 9 months!!
But problems ensued!!
The first time I went to MEPS (which is the processing step. You go down and have a physical check up and take the ASVAB so they can tell if you are retarded or not. Though I know some seriously stupid people who scored ridiculously high on that test), my SS# had been entered into the system wrong and I had to sit all day. You go down on a Friday, stay the night in a hotel and get up at at 0400 to go process.
So at 0530 they tell me that I'll be sitting on my butt all day because the last 4 of my SS# were somehow the last 4 of my phone number!! I laughed. A little.
I sit. I wait. I leave. I go back.
And this time, all is going smoothly. I'm truckin' along!! I score an 86 on the ASVAB (not too shabby, but not as well as I would have liked), and I'm passing everything! EVERYTHING!! But the last step is a UA for your protein levels.
Now, I was really close to weight. I'm a lot of muscle, not gonna brag or anything at all, I just have a lot. And if I would have known they could measure body fat instead of simple weight I wouldn't have worried at all. But since I thought I had to be under the number for a normal 5'2 person and I was over by two pounds, I did the ol "Starve Myself" song and dance.
If you go a week with under 600 cals a day, still working out, you are gonna have SOMETHING jacked up by 1300 on the eighth day.
My protein levels were through the roof!! They also told me being PMS was a problem too.
Whoops. Sorry. NOT THAT I CAN HELP IT!!

I was told I would have to come back.
Great. Just great.
I couldn't come back for almost a month!! But I determined to stick it out.
Allen came home for Christmas, we talked about it (I had written him while he was at boot camp telling him I was going for it and he wasn't too jolly about the whole thing...) and he wasn't ok with it but he was in that twisted way. He left to start his pre-training for the Navy SEALs and I tested for my black belt and went back down to MEPS.
Well, tried. But the second reason for my protein levels being messed up came back and we had to switch to the next week.
In between there was a pool meeting! Which is where all the Marine recruits get together and have physical tests and play football and listen to lectures and whatnot. I went.
Twenty-five men.
And myself.
Strike that, there were very few men there. Mostly just boys who wished they could do as many sit ups as I could. SUCKERS!! *ahem*...competative...sorry...
And I had a great time!
That a lie.
It wasn't that much fun. But I took the Initial Strength Test and scored well - only the run kicking my butt a bit - and played football (and sucked at it because you were disowned in my family for playing football so I never learned).
Went back down to MEPS.
But the shuttle driver was 3 hours late and by the time we got there, the Marines and Medical had left. So I wasted yet another day.
When my recruiter picked me up from the shuttle stop he looks at me and just shook his head.
"Rachele...Rachele...I...I am sorry. This has never happened. I was just talking to the Staff Srgnt and Srgnt Mitch about it. And we...we don't know! The recruiting contractor gods hate you or something, and we don't know why!!"
Next Monday.
I hope.
*starts laughing*
Every time something goes wrong I just want to do it more!!
And yet a moment later I become scared that it must be a sign that I'm not supposed to join.

WHY ME?!?!

And the biggest thing holding me back is Allen.
Holding back is a nasty way to put that. As if its the Old Ball-And-Chain situation.
Its not.
I love this guy.
And I want to be able to see him
And hello! Fraternization! Crap!!!

Anyway.
Thats a simple, very short version of the story.
Don't laugh.
I'm serious.

So! By the end of the month - if all goes as planned - I will FINALLY be sworn into the Marines.
If all goes as planned...

I love you all! Sixth, I hope you are doing better than the last time we spoke. I was in MI not too long ago! Almost Canada! Hahahaa!!

-Shell

Nothing Goes As Planned

2008-01-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

*just sits there and steadily beats head against the table*

And I was so excited because TUESDAY was SUPPOSED to be THE DAY.

The day all my dreams come true.

*pause*

Feel free to laugh, I wrote it because it made me smirk inside. A little.
But "things" came up which hindered me from making that long and boring trip to OK City to visit that large, cold building, to take a simple test, to see all those "smiling" faces, and to at last, swear into the United States Marine Corps.

ALAS! It shall be yet ONE MORE WEEK until that moment will come!! *sobs* *grabs some ashes and...what was that they wore when they did that...potato sacks? Something like that...ANYWAY...puts on the brown sacks and sits in ashes and sobs...but takes out contacts first cause ashes in the eye while you are wearing those things would hurt like a mother!*

AND, if that simple test goes wrong (YET AGAIN) it shall be sent to the board. And if the board says "Well, we can't accept anything less than perfection. NO! BE GONE!!" Then I shall never be able to join the Marines. Ever. For the rest of my life.
That was fun to hear. I almost said something besides "Yes, sir." But I'm not sure what. I just didn't feel like saying "Yes, sir." I wanted to...I dunno...

ANYWAY. Thats a chipper note to think upon.

EXCEPT FOR NOT. It really upset me and has made me way more...I suppose anxious is the word. Please pray all will go well and my protein levels are those of a normal individual. If its hereditary I am screwed. *sighs* The Air Force said they would have just sent me to my doctor and if the doctor said I was fine, they would have gone with it. WHY DID I CHOSE THE MOST DIFFICULT BRANCH IN THE WORLD TO JOIN???

Well, because I wanted a challenge. I did the hardest thing a female can do in the military. If there were Special Ops for women, I would do it. BUT NO! We get stuck with the boring jobs. Well, flying will be sweet, but I have to become an officer first and that is going to take a while. Perhaps a long while, as I have no family in the Marines already.
AND NOW I AM COMPLAINING!!

And must stop. As the Staff Srgnt. said "From day one, it is hard, it is a challenge, it is very difficult to get into the Marines!"

"SIR, YES, SIR!"

And I THINK I MIGHT have passes my test on Saturday! *CHEERS*
It went much better than some tests have gone.I still haven't figured out why Master L let me win in sparring. It was very strange. I felt a bit annoyed, to be honest. I don't enjoy when people let me win - I must win on my own to feel victorious. But pride is something I need to stomp on at least once a day, so I suppose it is a good lesson for me.AND, I did alright on the written test as well. Except for naming the parts of the sword. Someday I just need to sit down and memorize that...ALSO, there was no Mark, glaring in silent dissaproval. That was nice.

So goes the life of a small town kid who; likes to swing sticks around for fun (also nunchuks...which her brother gave her for Christmas! Heh heh heh...), is learning to enjoy running once again (slowly but surely it is becoming habit), can pass the physical to leave for boot camp NOW (and boy do I want to!), wishes she had a less boring job (but is glad she has a job), has ticked off her recruiter and wonders what will ensue (crap. An angry Arkansas Marine...great.), wishes life would just bring along an adventure and something to look forward too besides a swearing in ceremony (and money), and doesn't want to go back to school (and should learn patience. Which she has VERY little of).

-Shell

I wish I could tell you...

2007-10-04T23:15:00.000-04:00

AAA!!!

I'm back and you can't stop me!!

So I have no life anymore. I have pretty much dissapeared. So unless you attend my school and do theatre, I don't ever see you. Actually the only person I see outside of school is my boyfriend (hello Allen : ) and I make time to see him as his date to ship out for the Navy is in two weeks and the last two weeks he is here, I will be living in the theatre because he leaves the morning after closing night. We open the 18! I'm not ready at all. Pretty scared actually. I love the singing part of having a lead - its a blast, I love singing and I've found that I can belt rather well for never having done it before. But I don't like tap dancing. I wish I had started studying it a long time ago. The steps are fairly simple as far as tap dancing goes, but for me its painful.

Speaking of pain, my feet hurt SO BAD.

Oooo...I have fun ninja pictures to post!

This is me during my black-red belt testing. I'm actually just landing a jumping kick. I had no idea I kicked that high! Thank you brother with photo skills!

This is me taking the written test which I screwed up pretty badly *angry eyes*

And this is me and friends. Left to right: Brother, brothers GF, myself, Allen.

We had a great time dancing to crazy Irish music that night. Nothing beats a night of dancing. When you can really let go and just dance how ever you feel, its amazing. My mom danced with us too! My mother is amazing, and its taken me an incredibly long time to realize that.

I love you all, and I miss you. I will have more time to talk and visit and blog, etc, after the show. Right now my entire life is theatre, school, and work. I think I'm going to quit theatre for a while after this show - I am so burt out, its unbelievable.

*hugs* Sixth! I do miss hearing from you, my dear fellow. Hope your crazy Canadian self is doing just fine.

-Shell

Please leave a message after the tone....tone...go on now!

2007-06-17T22:56:00.000-04:00

Hey kids! I'm back! Hold the applause please, I know I'm special *winks* *laughs* *punches you in the arm*

So I've been busy again! Community theatre is going to be the death of me - not because of difficulty or anything, but because its going to suck! Best performance of the year people...except not.
I'm still limping, or as someone said who saw me in the store today that recognised me from years ago when I used to play soccer...ok...a year...but that doesn't take away from the fact that I'm famous! Anyway...he ask me why I was "Crippin around", and my three year old niece said "Hey! You walk kinda woblley..." But I'm doin' alright. Went back to sword this week and it was a nightmare and I felt kinda dumb. But that could be cause the only people in class this week were myself, Master L. and his 8 year old son. And he treated me like I had my blackbelt and it was weird. Seriously weird. Cause I technically never got to test for it. Well, I tested out of everything in class except sparring and short-term memory, but that doesn't matter! I didn't test in front of the masses! So...it just...doesn't count.

Carol - Fantastic 4 was ok, but don't waste your money - wait until it comes out on DVD.

Sixth - DO YOU LIVE?????

Anyway...my life! ITS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!!

I like Kit-Kats....unless there are more than 4 people in the group.

I don't understand why its called Dollar General, when there are things there that cost more than a dollar. You should call it the 1-10 Dollar General. Except that's a little too long to put on such a short sign!

So I'm at the library, helping out with summer reading program and I'm having to deal with these people who run a day care and bring the kids to the program. I like the kids. I love them. The people...I mean come on! You aren't any older than I am, and I can smile! Can you smile?? Come on...show us a smile! Stupid white American. Yeah, I'm white and American. WHAT OF IT??? I'm happy, I smile, and I'm not all that skinny. What can you do?

Community theatre...we're back to that. We shouldn't be. Back away slowly! Nothing to see here! It's going to be a nightmare. Whatever.

I'm back to Community College next semester. I'm scared to death of when I graduate from here. WHERE DO I GO??? I'M SO CONFUSED AND LOSTED!!! Lost...lossed...yeah. You know what I was trying to so. Saying Lost reminded me of the show "Lost" which reminded me of TV series which reminded me of my favorite TV series - "House" and it made me sad that Cameron will not longer be speaking in his beautiful accent with his beautiful face. Lets look at this way people - beautiful is good. Which is why some people consider me bad.

My brothers are watching the History channel. There is a program called "Ice Road Truckers". Ask me why someone would name something that. Go on. Ask me.
BECAUSE WE'RE HICKS! Face it, you've eaten a possum, don't deny it! I see that look in your eyes and its guilt!! You've been to HoeDown! You know how to line dance. And your feet...they have worn a pointe shoe...

Love ya, let me know if your alive, alright? I miss people...I miss humor...I miss my sarcasm being accurately documented.

-Shell

p.s. I like the new spell check format...it makes me feel less dumb...thank God for Estiban...

YES! ITS ME! I LIIIIIIIVE!!!

2007-05-18T13:45:00.001-04:00

Oooooohhhhhohoho wow.

So its been a while!!!

I'll be a LOT less busy this summer. Like I'm going stir-crazy and I've been out of school uumm...four days now. I kid you not, last night I was going nuts. I just decided to memorize a character in an old script I had, for fun. I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!

That being because most of the time when I get really bored or whatever, I just go exercize - take a walk, jog, go play soccer, practice soccer, ect.

And yeah well...that doesn't really work anymore because Saturday will make week number three on crutches!

I dislocated my kneecap while warming up to test for my black belt. Not DURING testing - cause that would have been heroic or something. No. It was just warming up. It wasn't even official warmups, I was just going through some forms on my own INSTEAD OF TAKING THE WRITTEN TEST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!! I hadn't streched enough, but I don't know if that made any difference. I just jumped, landed funny and my kneecap went to the right instead of staying in the middle. It hurt. Bad.

Anyway, I'm still in a straight brace and will be at least until Tuesday when I FINALLY get in to see the doctor. I hate it. I taught myself to drive after the first week - I drive a stick - because I was so incredibly angry about it all. I missed the last two nights of Much Ado About Nothing as Beatrice and had to watch my director play the part. She was fine for never having done it in practice before, but yeah...it sucked. And now everyone is over the novelty of me and crutches and have realized that it just kinda dampens all the fun when cripple comes cause she can't run and she can't hike and she can't go bowling and she can't carry large objects, ect. And IT SUCKS AND IM' GOING TO CRY LIKE A BABY FOR THE NEXT MONTH IF I DONT' GET TO GO TO A CAIN ON WEDNESDAY!!!! Then I'll look like "House"...heh heh heh...

And here is me, pre-crutch days.

Note the happy look on my face! I'm laughing!! I'm WALKING!!!!! *scowls* I like that dress in that picture. It doesn't look at low as it feels. That was a fun night....Cinderfella...that was the winners' beachwear entry.

So Allen and I broke up. That was fun. Not. Whatever. I think I termed it "Taking a break" but its gonna be a looooong break. He's gotta cut the friggin apron strings and stop acting like a fifteen year old. Like thats gonna happen anytime soon...I love him to death but it was too much stress and I got really tired of it all. Anyway...thats a depressing subject...MOVING ON!! And I AM moving on...

Because I went "camping" on crutches.

And it was fun. In a weird way. I was really tired that night. And wanted to die.

So I have the new Avril CD and its very good. And I'm bored. And I JUST WANT TO GO RUN AROUND. *ahem* I'm sorry. One track mind...what can I say? I'm going to work teach at a graduation tonight - that I forgot I said I might help with - because I'm just going crazy. There isn't much I can do, but all the other kids have left and Brandon is gonna have to run it all alone.

*CAROL - I can't go see the movie tonight. Cause of ACA graduation. BUT, WE NEED TO GET COFFEE AND HANG OUT, DANG IT ALL!! Whatchudoin' tomorrow?*

Alrighty. Sixthlie! I hope to hear from you oh crazy Canadian. Don't make me beat you with my crutches. Those are the ugly ones that in picture right there. The first pic has my shiney new crutches!! WOOHOO!!

Love ya!

-Shell

At last, I post.

2007-01-28T03:03:00.000-05:00

I'm stage manager for the spring show! Granted, at first I was very, very, very dissapointed. It is THE FIRST show I have EVER auditioned for that I did not get a part. I haven't always accepted the part given - not cause I hated it, but for other life reasons - but I have never, in my life, not made a cast list. Little depressing. But I made stage manager. And now I'm crazy happy about it. I love power. Suckers...I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT OF LAVA!! Take my part will ya? Just wait...juuust wait...*cackles evily*

*AHEM* Just kidding. I would never use my power for evil. That would be...unethical. And you know it! Seriously though, I'm really glad I have the S.M. position. I want to direct theatre someday anyway, so this would logicaly be a good place to start, eh? Yeah. You know it. Just have to get past the whole stage obsession thing and love the crowds attention and be happy with making other people good enough for the crowd to love them...as much as they loved you. *sobs* BWAHAHAHAAAAAA!! I amuse myself...

Ooo! I found a graduation picture of me and Allen! Sixth, I forgot you didn't know. Allen is the boyfriend. The non-retarded boyfriend. That I have know for a very long time, is my brothers best friend, works for my dad, whose mother is friends with my mother, whose father is in the military, who was on the soccer team I captained, who has been my "little brother" for a long time until he suddenly wasn't one day. And who I have thought of as "Non-little brother" for a couple years, but never said anything. Until he did. *laughs*

Anyways. Here is graduation.

That picture is rather tiny. I wonder if you click it, if it will get bigger. Hmm...plus! *BWAHAHAHAA!* I found a picture and was starring at it, trying to figure out why the heck I wore a skating arm band with a huge pink star on it to my gradution. I was pretty much over the skater-chick phase at that point. Until I realized...oh...I had folded up my speech and stuck it in there cause I didn't have any other way to carry it onstage. *sniggers* I will never forget the looks on people's faces as "Mission Impossible" started playing when we walked in. Never forget it...
Oooo..Here is the "hidden speech" paper. And my mom. But you can't really see her...

And while I'm posting pictures, might as well post a few more...I love computer without dial-up...anyways. This is the real me coming out there. That what I love about Topeka people. They just make me so happy!!

Plus it is after 2:00 a.m. and I'm watching Gilmore Girls.

Ahahaa! I had sword today and it was the class where we are supposed to know our new forms and be able to do them with skill and stealth and yada yada yada. So I go, and the second cut I make which has a weird hand switching motion in it, my sword goes flying out of my hand across the room. I haven't dropped my sword in a long time. At least not in class. It was a little...yeah. *grins* At least I didn't hit the Master with it. Like that one time.

Ok, so the last testing for a grey belt
that I saw, they blindfolded the guy and four people were attacking. Including the Master. Guess what I test for next? Yeah. Grey belt. I rememer that today while I'm practicing and mention it to my Dad and Grandpa who were at home, doing some remodeling. Immidiatly they both get really serious and start giving me advice and this and that telling me what I need to be doing. Grandpa starts pulling up old stories about blind people who could "kick the pants off of" criminals. My little brother Micah is like "Shell, I'll help train you. Go get a blindfold and we will start now." so I spent some of my afternoon blindfolded while my brother would make a cut really close to me and I would have to block it. And he would move and I had to hear where he was moving and be able to hit him. I wasn't that bad for never doing it before. Really. I was surprised. So I'm all kinda excited when I get done. I am so ready to start training blindfolded and I know that I won't die when I test, if I just keep traning for it for the next month or two. But I wanted to make sure. So I ask Master today if my next belt is the blindfold test. He looks at me and kinda laughs and is like "No." and I said "I just remember that Grey belt was when Gerry had to." and he laughs really hard and was like "That was sort of payback for Gerry. I wouldn't do it to you, I don't think. He was a very dissrespectful student. " and I admit, I was a little dissapointed. I will still train for it though. It is something that will help my sparring. Which I need. Except for the one time, my sparring is kinda pretty much terrible. I don't even know what happened that one day. Anyways...That is a REALLY long post. (Happy, Carol? Hehehehee...sorry I couldn't go to the movie with you today. I really seriously am just too poor to go to movies. Or buy food. Or clothes. I have money for gas, and thats it. Thats all. The rest goes to Chicago trip, or speeding tickets, or car payments, or martial arts payments. Its a little depressing sometimes...like when people want to do things that will cost me a lot of gas or any extra money. Cause I can't do them).

Love ya! Miss me!
-Shell

p.s. I refuse to spell check today. Just because I can.

Suicidal Bunnies

2006-12-19T23:15:00.000-05:00

Next semester, if I would just not be lazy and take 21 hours, I could actually graduate Fall of 2007. Will I? No. Should I? Yes.

Classes are as follows (you will see I truly am a slacker)

MWF (not to be confused with MasterWorks Festival)
9:00 - Intro to Astronomy
10:00 - Elementary Algebra (I passed Pre-A with an A!! I'm so excited...)
11:00 - Acting
12:00- Hahahaa! Dropped that class like scrambled eggs on a hot day!)
1:00 - Choir
2:00-4:30 - Job (on campus! I got the job! Once again, excited!)

Tues and Thurs
9:30-10:50 - Intro to Astronomy
11:00 - General Psychology

By Apt classes
Dramatic Activities
Voice Lessons
Fitness (Oooo...I have to work out. What fun!)
Travel Class (don't even ask, alright...)

Only 19 measly hours. If I didn't drop History, I would have 22. And I could graduate next semester. But...eehh...hhmm...I am too darned lazy.

"Moon Over Buffalo" is set for spring play.

Plus I got the on-campus job. As I said before...

And I have a "B" in Music Theory AND in Ear Training. "A"s in everything else. Which leaves me with a overall grade of 3.8

Not what I was lookin for, but its enough for me for now. Until next semester...

And that is the update of life I suppose.

Love ya! Miss me!

-Shell
Oh...PS....Want a Shell-ish chuckle?
And Sixth! I miss you and your randomness that always makes me laugh, no matter what. WHERE IS THE CRAZY CANADIAN?!?

That one time, that I sounded like an idiot. OH! That was this morning.

2006-11-08T19:27:00.000-05:00

CAROL!! CHILL!!

I was dating Joe again for a while and then we broke up. THATS ALL!! I just knew you would freak out a little and I was didn't want to explain this complicated, silly thing. Gosh...the things you do in high school...except I'm in college now. Pathetic.
Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. Really. One of the nicest guys in the world. Just wasn't the one and I didn't see the point in carrying it on if in the end it would just end. End it sooner than later, I say. I'm sure it was a little more painful for him than me. Probly a lot, knowing him. Its over now and I have moved on with my life. I feel like the evil ex-girlfriend now...

So I'm the Fairy Godmother in the next show. I'm excited! I get to be covered in glitter! SO MUCH GLITTER YOUR EYES WILL HURT!! Actually...aww man! We only do this show one day - its a small show, no budget, that kinda thing - and we do it 4 times that day. That means I will spend around 15 hours in glitter. Yay.

Sixth, I have two blogs because lots of people read the other one, and only you and Carol read this one. Though ex-boyfriend did find it...hmm...awkward, lemme tell ya. I say a few things on here that I don't any place else. Heh.

So I thought I was going to have to drop Music Theory and Ear Training cause I had an F in both, but today I looked at my grades and I had a B in both. It was weird. And I'm going to feel stupid tomorrow cause I ranted to like, 5 people about why I was dropping the class and why I didn't come to class this morning. Shell...Shell...Shell...Shell...WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS OPEN YOUR MOUTH?!?!?!?! ALWAYS! *shrieks* Whatever. Its one of the first times I've made a complete and utter fool of myself this semester - I'm doin' pretty good. And all my teachers like me -I think. Hhmm...ARG! WHATEVER!

I have Microsoft Excel. With a lot a spite mixed in there. And now, TO HOMEWORK!

My feet hurt. Curses.

2006-10-23T19:32:00.000-04:00

Carol...that thing I was going to tell you but didn't, I don't have to anymore.
Yeah. I just stab myself in the foot but don't feel the pain for a couple months. Hhhm...intelligent? I think not.

Les Mis was amazingly good. We had a review from the Kennedy Arts Center in NY, NY come to see the show. Of course he had to see it the night that tech went FREAKING INSANE. Everything that could possibly go wrong that night, went wrong. Stuff that didn't go wrong even in practice happened. The barricade somehow refused to come all the way down and one side was 4 inches off the ground. The backstage crew had to dive on the unit in the back so that it didn't go spinning into the huge fake wall upstage. They had to call the choir (who came out for the ending number) to come and hold the unit down for the next four scenes until we took it back up. Nightmares...that was only the begining of stuff that happened. But when he talked to us after the show, he said he wished we had asked to enter it at the competition level, because he would have given us the go ahead. *laughs in triumph*

So I quit Wal-Mart. They were mean. And didn't like that I needed time off for theatre so...AHAHAHAAA! I switched to Dillons! Yay me!!!! Perhaps work study on campus next year? Perhaps...perhaps...

Silxth...I'm very sorry I have not kept up on your blog at all at all at all. I haven't even had time to post in my regular blost for a long time. But I have a whole week until tryouts for the next show! *dances around* And I don't go to work for Dillions until next week either so...a whole week of nothingness! I'm so happy...

I'm so behind on homework right now though, its not even funny. I'll have to post pictures of Les Mis as soon as I get them because people...it was awesome.

And I'm going to be single for the rest of my bleeding life. And no one can stop me! Curses...*mutters* curses...*insert swear word of choice* I hate boys...
-Shell

Pre-test

2006-09-29T11:04:00.000-04:00

Wow. I'm not alive anymore or something.

So Les Mis is going grandly. I work until midnight all week now, so thats fun. Average about 5 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes 6-7 though. But I'm just as tired every morning, no matter how early I go to bed. I sleep in my car between classes...its pathetic. I have a pillow and everything. I forgot it was toga day!! Dang it all...

I miss writing my book and fan fics and reading books and stuff. I started journaling in my written journal again. I decided I was forgetting too much. I picked up old journals and started reading them and was like "I would never have remembered that stuff." I was laughing out loud at some of the stuff I had written and stuff that had happened. It was amazingly funny. I should post a few entries sometime. I miss writing. I don't have weird calluses on my fingers from holding a pen or pencil anymore. And there isn't paper and folders lying everywhere.
AUGH!! Computer Applications test is starting...

Waltzing....

2006-09-15T17:36:00.000-04:00

Working with Second City was fun. I miss improving every day. Tim and Amy were great and very...patient. We kinda sucked and I was sad cause I am way out of practice and couldn't think of anything to start scenes with, only follow up on. Whatever. We just need to start doing more often here and we can get used to it more or...something like that.

Les Mis. Waltzing sucks. Ok. Its fun. Sort of. Ivan is grand, so I'm not totally screwed. At least one of us knows what we're doing...
-Shell

post tryouts

2006-08-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

So I didn't make CC Singers.
I made chorus in Les Mis.

I won't lie. I'm dissapointed. And if I hadn't been to call backs, I wouldn't be!! I discovered a role during call backs that I loved beyond beliefe. I wanted Eponine so badly it was insane. And I could sing it! I was the only chick there who could hit that low F. But I know they had already cast it before call backs - Scott didn't really make any effort to have us sing Eponine and only under nagging from the other girls did he give us a song for her. And that song...I could sing it. I think. I could hit that note. HA. Whatever.
I didn't get the innkeepers wife either, but the girl who got it will do a really good job. And the casting was good...except for Eponine - cause I wanted it. lol

But I'm sad. I really am. I've never not made the cut before. Which is sad in itself, I know. Never not made the cut?? Are you kidding me?? Well...I did make chorus, so I did make the cut, but...ya know? I was like "I don't want a main part this time cause I'm tired of them and want a break." but actually, deep down, I wanted a lead to prove that I was good enough - to myself.
Whatever. *sigh* OK! Pitty party is over now. Must go to choir anyways...am going to be late...campus is really annoying to walk around....annoying people...annoying sun.

-Shell

The milk business is apparently very heart wrenching. Oh my word! It was Gill!

2006-08-20T20:47:00.000-04:00

Reading my former angsty crap. That was fun. I was a rather depressing person, wasn't I? Wow.

SIXTH! I'm so glad you aren't dead!

So college started. Hooray.

Days being:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
8-8:50 - Music theory
9-9:50 - Theater appreciation
10-10:50 - Computer Application
11-11:50 - PreAlgebra (hooray Shell *cough cough*)
1-2:00 - Choir
(starting sooner than we all think) 2-5:00 - Play practice
6-11:00 - Working at Wal-Mart as a cashier.

Tuesday, Thursday:

8-8:50 - Ear Training
9-11:00 - Work on set
Afternoons until 6:00 - Depends. Probly more work on set.
(starting sooner than we all think) 6-10:00 - Play practice

Saturday, Sunday:

It all depends on when they need me for set work, line work, voice work, or cashier work.

I occasionally sleep. Actually, I haven't been sleeping too well lately. Which sucks. And I get up and feel rather still asleep for a very long time, which is great for my music theory class.

I love Tuesdays and Thursdays. They make me happy. Because I don't have to cashier work...I think...Unless they change that and I'll be mad if they do. Cashier is not that great. It pays for gas to drive to work to make money to drive to work to...Yeah. You get the picture.

Really missing Master Works today. A lot. I should just call some people and a see how life is, but I have a meeting soonish. *sigh* Sooner than I think. I love meetings. OK! I LIED! I don't love meetings. I might enjoy this one. Dunno....could last for a very long time and be full of stupid people that I have to meet and hang out with for the next two years. Or at least one. Whatever.
Its cold in here.
Soo...today....*falls off chair laughing*

Ok. Carol, you know those lovely green shoes I bought? I cant' find a picture of them...buggering!! Anyways. They are pretty darned close to 4', with an open toe. They are really, really cute. I love them. I love, love, love them. Uuum...AUGH! I never posted a picture of the prom shoes!! They are better and taller than those. Anywaysss...
So I thought to myself this morning "I'll wear these to church with my skirt and it will be fun."
I did. They were loverly. I was informed upon arriving that I was singing a solo for church. That was fun. Anyways...comes post-church. Being work. As I said before, I am a cashier. We never sit down. Ever. We stand and stand and stand and sometimes walk a little, but mostly stand.
I wore those bloody shoes to work. For 6 hours, I wore those shoes. I have been out of them for an hour now and the balls of my feet are still numb. My feet hurt SO BAD. You don't even understand how bad they hurt. Everyone kept asking me how I was standing to wear those shoes and of course! I never let on that I was in any sort of excruciating pain. But whatever. IT HURT AND I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! I brought another pair of shoes to change in to...but I couldn't bear the thought of not standing the pain for the whole six hours (well...5 1/2...I took them off during break...and occasionally while I was working). Silly me *laughs in a stupid way* Juuust kidding. Just kidding. I am dumb, but there will be no stupid laughing!

Anyways. That meeting starts at 8:00 and I'm bored and I hope its short and I hope to hear from you all who read this blog (even you who don't have a Blogger. You don't have to in order to comment, you know).

-Shell

LES MISERABLES

2006-08-03T02:37:00.000-04:00

Les Miserables. That is the play we are doing this fall. You have no idea how much I am freaking out. I am. I just wanna run onto a stage and start singing as loudly as I possibly can all of these amazing songs. I have no idea how to convey to you how excited I am here.

Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men? It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again! When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a live about to start when tomorrow comes!

Carol, I am a "Carol-freak-out-stage" right now. I don't freak out in a Carol manner very often. But I AM.
*bows proudly*
-Shell

End Master Works

2006-07-23T02:52:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving Master Works tonight. I'm staying up all night. I'm loving life. Like, I'm leaving all of these amazing people but I have such a peace about it. It's like we all became so close or else didn't come close enough so that its not a big deal to leave. Like, its sad, but at the same time...its not. It's like telling your best friends goodnight when they leave after the shabang or something. I love it here. I really, really do.

Anyways. I miss you Carol! Sixth, you are missed greatly. I know you have to work a lot and I'm praying for you and hope life is going alright. Your blog post made me laugh. Heheheheheheeee...Anyways.

Midsummer Nights Dream is done and I'm laughing because I poured the last 4 weeks of my life into this show and we performed it twice and now its done. I will note that it was a full house and a very appriciative audience both performances. They got the jokes and laughed all the time, even at nothing. I loved it and I was blown away because the entire audience was so intellegent. I have so many stories to tell you, but no time now. I want to keep writing and at the same time spend time with all these amazing people. I've met so many people just tonight, the last night, and realized that if I had only said Hi to them a couple weeks ago, we could have been laughing this hard for so much longer. Ah well. Next year is just around the bend.
-Shell

Master Works Festival

2006-07-15T00:27:00.000-04:00

OMG!!
I sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!!

I'm at camp. It is pretty much changing my world.
I am Hermia in Midsummer Nights Dream.
I am learning more than I ever thought possible.
I am 18 today. Weeheee!
I miss "normal" people.
I'm going home in a week! And two days!! AAAAAAA!!!!
I miss you Carol! *sobs*
HEY!! SIXTH!! Where in heavens name ARE you?? Have you DIED? Have you DISAPPEARED??! Have you EVAPORATED??? ARE YOU...uumm...GONE?

I attended an Opera for the first time in my life the other day. Insanely good stuff. I'm tired of classical music.
There are some really loud people behind me! Good grief! Aaaaahhh!!
I have so much stuff I wanna say and I just don't know where to start! AAAAHH!! *sobs a little* I don't know...I dunno...

What is going on with YOU people? I feel so disconnected!
-Shell

Germany VS. Ecuador

2006-06-20T10:17:00.000-04:00

I'm watching Germany vs. Ecuador. I love the world cup. I wish it were on every year. But then, what makes it so sweet is the fact that it only happens every four years. The sound of that crowd is amazing.
Sixth! I'm glad you are alive. Yes, I am dating the prom boy. He has ended up being a very funny and very fun guy. My very weird and twisted sense of humor does not freak him out and he's a blast to hang out with. I'm not sure why he was so quiet that night but he has no problem talking anymore.
I leave on Saturday morning. *sobs* Actually, it hasn't really sunk in yet. I don't have to do anything except get my hair dyed and cut, so maybe thats why. I'm just...I dunno...I don't think it will sink in until I actually start classes there or something. Or maybe I'll never freak out, I dunno.

Anyways. Yeah. The prepetualy single girl...isn't. Kinda weird....incredibly weird...plus my parents are really weirded out by it too. I turn 18 in less than a month. Me and my young/old self. Young to Sixth, old to Lendiel. Hehheheheee...
Ok. I was going to post, but I'm kinda distracted by the game here. Minuet 19 and Germany with one point. The guy who scored did the sweetest no-hands front flip I've ever sen. Ecuador is playing without their captain. Yellow carded boy. SO MANY yellow cards. Its CRAZY how many cards have been given out this tournament.
MUST LEAVE. MUST WATCH.
-Shell

Promise of a Lifetime

2006-06-14T15:13:00.000-04:00

I have fallen to my knees

As I sing a lullaby of pain

I'm feeling broken in my melody

As I sing to help the tears go away

Then I remember the pledge you made to me

I know you're always there

To hear my every prayer inside

I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime

I hear the words you say

To never walk away from me and leave behind

The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart

Pick me up, take me in your arms

Find my way back from the storm

And you show me how to grow

Through the change

I still remember the pledge you made to me

I am holding on to the hope I have inside

With you I will stay through every day

Putting my understanding aside

And I am comforted

I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

__________________

http://www.purevolume.com/kutless

___________________

Today hasn't been a very good day. I'm whining. I know. I'm just...sad. I'm dissapointed. In myself, in other people, and I know I've let people down, along with them letting me down. I know I'm not the person I wish I were. I know things aren't always going to go the way I wish they would go and I know I make some really stupid mistakes. And I have made a few. Recently. And gaaah...Today is a cry day. Just sit there and listen to this song and cry kind of day. I'm so lost in life right now. People keep telling me the same thing over and over and I don't know what to make of it. Things haven't gone how they were supposed to go. I'm just tired. That Bilbo quote keeps coming to mind.

"I feel thin, sort of streched, like butter scraped over too much bread."

But I know a very long holiday won't help anything. At least Bilbo knew how to fix everything and make it good again.

I feel like I've been dumped. Twice. Kinda sucks. Whatever though. Knew that was never gonna work out, and my stupid actions forced that other one to screw over. Perhaps I can salvage the second. But for what purpose? So I can bungle it again later? No. Why even bother. Really. All it will result in is another thing for me to look and at beat myself over the head for.

Plus I didn't get the Kansas Arts Grant. I needed that so badly. You have no idea how badly I needed that grant. And I was counting on it.

GAH! I hate this feeling! I see why girls sit there and cry for days when they've been dumped. We weren't even going out. In fact we had talked about how we weren't going to control the other and date other people if we felt so inclined. It just hurts. *laughs bitterly* We actually kinda did the same thing in the same week. He went for the stupid blonde chick and I decided to give Joe a chance. And Joe is a great, amazing guy. He really is. I like him a lot. Not that I would ever have the guts to tell him that, but whatever. And I hate myself that I can't just sit back and say "Whatever. Do what you want. I don't care. We agreed to go ahead with life, and we both did." but it just hurts a lot. I don't want to turn dating Joe into a rebound kind of thing. He doesn't deserve that. Good grief! Allen and I weren't even dating! We just had a weird...whatever you want to call it. And I wasn't even going to give Joe a chance because I didn't want to hurt Allen! Then Allen found out and said we should move on if we felt we needed to. And obviously he felt the need too. I hate pain. SEE! YOU SEE!! RIGHT THERE! This is why Shell doesn't date! This is why Shell has this wall that people are not allowed to pass. I hate sitting here and crying because someone else did something to hurt me. I can cry over myself and over other people's pain, but this...this is the worst feeling in the world. Its kinda taken a while to sink in, but I talked to Mariha about it today and she just said "It hurts, doesn't it." and I realized, yeah, it did hurt. A lot.

-Shell

Seriously

2006-06-12T17:11:00.000-04:00

What have I done? No. Really. What have I done???

Faith being what?

2006-06-08T10:22:00.000-04:00

I was getting ready to post yesterday and I came here and blogger had been shut down for maintenance. Buggers...
Anyways.
Rachel and I have decided that one way we will raise money for Master Works (crazy month long theater camp. I'm tellin ya Sixth, you should totally come see some crazy good Shakespeare), is to put on a benefit performance. So we are putting on a two man show. On Tuesday. I am terrified. I still don't know for sure what we are doing. We have flyers and posters and postcards. We are telling everyone we know to tell everyone they know. We got the recital hall at the college reserved for us and they are letting us use it for free. We. Are. Insane. And scared witless. Hhhmm...yeah. Pretty much really afraid.
But hey! I have my graduation ceremony on Saturday! I'm so happy *does Frodo chicken dance*

And I haven't heard back from the Kansas Arts Grant people yet. I really need that money a lot, lot, lot. I heard from Master Works today though! Sort of. Got an email from the director. He seems like a jolly fellow who won't mind the weird, large, and over dramatic words that I tend to speak with. Unless I'm dumbing myself down, which I don't like to do. It's stupid and pointless. But whatever.

Faith is the evidence of things unseen. So what is faith? I'm trying to figure this out in my mind. I've become so comfortable in my faith that I don't even know what it is anymore. Carl and I (and everyone else I suppose) had a very interesting discussion at Bible study last night. About faith and predestination and free will. The last two don't really interest me. If we are predestined and do not have free will (neither which I believe. Well...sort of the first one but it gets long to explain so I won't at the moment), doesn't really matter because you can't change it either way. But the whole "Faith is the evidence of things unseen." If faith is the evidence and evidence is faith then what really is faith besides the evidence? And if we don't understand what faith really is than how can we have evidence of things unseen - meaning God - and so how can we have faith? Its a little complicated in my own mind and I'm sure you are just sort of staring at that paragraph wondering what weed I'm smoking. None, I assure you. I have run two miles, cleaned my van, eaten two pancakes, and drank a glass of milk. Thats been my day so far.

Anyways. Things that will perhaps cause you to question essentials of life in your own mind. Perhaps...perhaps...
-Shell

FORGIVE ME! giggles

2006-06-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!! This happened Wednesday night actually...not last night...but I wrote it Thursday. I've just been really busy. I upkeep Xanga, but I have 30-40 people who read my xanga...and only two that read this! So HA! You aren't important! I mean...wow...I just said that to an assassin and his assistant...hhmm...ok, strike that.

I'm getting ready for Master Works. Four weeks in upstate Indiana! Weehee! Sixth, you should come down from your crazy Canadian home to see a crazy good performance of "A Mid-summer Nights Dream". Starring me. And some other people. I really wanna be Puck, but the audition tape I sent it will probly land me the part of the sensible girl. Dang it! I'm tired of playing sensible girls! That all I ever play! GAR! Give me a character roll! Anyways...yeah...you should totally come and bring your friends *cough*Andy*cough*.

What else should I update you on...I graduate next Saturday, and I have a benefit recital I'm doing the week after that. A two woman show, people! Me, Rachel, and reckless bass. Its a crazy beat up bass. But its going to be an interesting show involving monologues, solo's, singing, dramatic reading, mime, instruments talking to each other, and me looking like a fool. It should be a jolly old time! I'm terrified...and yet, I don't care if I look stupid. Ha! I'll only have to put up with the embarrassment for a week, and then I'm off to theater camp. Its starting to sink in...I'm going to be doing theater, all day, every day, for 4 weeks...Professional theater...people such as Jim Cavizel's acting coach with be there...um...wow...okay. Stop thinking. I've had coffee and thats all I need for energy today!

And now, for the story of Wednesday night.
________________

Ahahahahaaaa! Last night, I was pulled over for running a stop sign by the sheriff. And then another cop shows up. The sheriff demands the ID of everyone in the vehicle. And he was rude. And he shined a really bright light in my eyes. Full story? With dialogue? Why not?!?!
So there I am, leaving Island Park. Most of you have driven with me at some point and know that I consider stop signs to be more...yield signs. I see a car comin into town, and don't feel like waiting for it. So I go. Jacob looks in the mirror and goes "Dude, thats a cop."
"Oh. Fun. Well, he hasn't pulled me over yet soo..."
So I start to pull into the SnowCone place (whose website I need to visit...hhmm....http://www.rainbowsnow.com/) and his lights come on. Rachel is in the back seat making jokes about being pulled over and I pull over and I think she thought I was parking or something and I'm muttering about how I don't have money to pay a ticket and she's like "Wait! Did he really pull us over???"
So there's the light, shining in my mirror for starters and I'm going blind as we all chuckle weakly and make sure seat belts are on. The officer comes to the window and...people...I'm so sorry...I respect police officers, I really do. One of the greatest persons I know is an officer. But ladies and gents...he looked like a cop from Frasier. He was not in shape, he still had acne, and he was rude to me the moment he came to the window. Not so much what he said, but his tone and body language was incredibly disrespectful.
"Hello, sir." (I have a thing with calling them sir. It sounds very nice and responsible, and it always makes the other people in the car have something to giggle about)
"The reason I pulled you over is because you didn't come to a complete stop at that stop sign back there."
"Oh." Really? I MEAN! *Ahem*
"Your license and insurance, please."
"Righto....here....lets see...*mutters....digs...*"
"And can I get and ID from everyone else in the vehicle, please."
I look up at everyone else and they kinda shrug and look confused, but reach for their ID's. I hand him mine, they hand him theirs.
"What were you kids doin at Island Park tonight? Messin around!??"
"We were using the bathroom...." *laughter in voice*
"Right." *in tone of utter disbelief*
He starts to leave and then suddenly points at Daniel accusingly "How old are you??"
"Umm...17."
"Ok then."
THEN he left. And we laughed long and hard. The sad thing is, we really were at Island Park to use the bathrooms. He took forever in his car, and another police officer showed up. We tried to decide why they needed two people. Came the conclusion that the first one couldn't figure out what to do with us. We really wanted Snow Cones, and we're waiting and waiting and waiting...and people are driving by that I know and I'm laughing because it looks like I was drunk....and waiting...we're all laughing...I start signing loudly...he comes back!
*extremely annoyed* "Gettin' a little restless?"
*giggles uncontrollably in her mind* "Sort of, sir."
"Can you be patient enough to get a warning?"
"Um..." How do I reply to that?
"The only reason I'm not giving you a ticket it because you all had your seat belts on except him *points angrily at Daniel*, and he's 16 so its his choice."
"Thank you."
"Here's your stuff." *he hands me the stuff...hhm....everyone's ID's are missing*
"Can they have their ID's back, sir?"
"*now he's really, really hacked off* Aren't they in that pile?" Righto. The pile. Of my insurance card and my license...I'm lookin....lookin hard...nope. "I'll get them." Gets them, comes back.
"I'm curious why you needed their ID's."
"Check em' for warrants."
"Uh hu..." *the mind laughter is so ready to break out at this point. Its time to end this oh-so- intriguing conversation about oh...right now.*
So we get out, get our stuff. The lady in line is like, shielding her son from us and asks "Were you all in that van?"
"Yup. Ran a stop sign."
"Two police cars for that? You'da think you done somethin' bad!" (which is officially my quote of the week).
Anyways. Hope you enjoyed that little story. Yesterday was definitely interesting...for more reasons than one.

Laters!

-Shell

The explinations.

2006-05-22T14:05:00.000-04:00

NOTE: I'm not spell checking this. Because I can. So deal with it.

Sorry I kinda of...you know...dissapeared after talking about inflicting pain upon my own person. I asked Rachel if there was a techincal name for them.
"Yes. Emo."
I laughed. That felt good.
I am an Emo.

Sixth, thanks for the offer to pick someone off. I have a certain fellow in mind, but he's not the reason I've been so angsty. *sigh* I'm a little overwhelmed right now, thats all.

So much is suddenly pressing in on me, and I've never been so tempted to cave under pressure before. But I won't let myself, and so...yeah...life is just really hard right now. I can't even have a good time anymore without spending half my time thinking about the other things I need to be getting done with. Plus today I have to tell the people I was rooming with that I can't room with them...and they alread found an apartment...and they are going to be hacked...and possibly make the rest of the college days here a living hell. And I know they could.

Plus I need money for Master Works (www.masterworksfestival.com) (I think). And I need it soon.

I need to fill out all the paperwork for the grant money, and make an audition tape. I just got a reply back from my college play director that he would write my other refferance letter, so thats one thing I don't have to worry about anymore.

I have to figure out where I'm going to live, and how I'm going to make a living while I'm at college.

I have to decide exactly what I'm going to focus on, and if I'm going to sing for choir (yeah yeah yeah, not stressfull. Actually it is).

I also told the library that I was done June 22. I leave the 24th or 25th. I will be gone for a month. Not just you know, out of the house, but I will just be gone from this town, like I moved away to a another college. And then I have to come back.

There is just so much pressure right now. And I need to get my graduation ceremony invitations out today or tomorrow. I'm going out of my mind, trying to keep everything straight, and I need a cell phone. My sister is giving me one, but mom and dad already threw a fit about that idea a couple months ago. So thats another fight with them to put on the list.

I'm just...tired. And frustrated. And I got an amazingly painful sunburn before I started using sunscreen...that I ended up being alergic to...so I had an itcy sunburn for two days...then I burned the crap out of myself again at the highschool graduation yesterday.

I feel old.

I feel haggard.

I feel like I've gained 15 pounds. But I don't think I have.

I'm throwing another pity party, aren't I?

-Shell

p.s. Carol, congrat (again) on your mom. I'm am a god-sister now. Hooray! My computer is being way too slow to load your blog right now. Perhaps I can comment tomorrow.

Angst

2006-05-15T11:03:00.000-04:00

If you would like to see what Judah and Amanda did to my car, go to

www.xanga.com/thelandofhobbiton

Not the most recent entry, but the one after that.

So, how are you all today? *sigh* Sometimes life just get tiring, doesn't it? You just get tired of being tired. Sick of being angsty. Depressed about the near future. Discouraged about the far future. And you wonder how the heck you are going to make it to Indiana by June 25 for MasterWorks performing arts camp. And even more, you wonder how you are going to get them $1,500 by June 1st. So you worry, and you snap at people, and you are tired, and you think everything is directed at you, so you flip out, and you hate everyone, and you just want to shut the closet door and turn up the music until your ears bleed. Personally, I'm in the mood for bleeding ears right now. I don't know how to describe it. You just get so tired of the drama and the angst, that you just wish your ears would start bleeding so you could have something that you knew other people wouldn't care if you whined about because hey, who wouldn't whine about blood running out of their ears?

Wow. This is a little mental, isn't it?

Whatever. Today is not a good day. I could make it a good day. I could determine that nothing is going to spoil anything. But am I going to? Probly not. Its nicer to wallow in self pity. Shut up. You are either thinking "What a brat." or laughing and shaking your head. Carol, I know you are laughing and thinking about calling to interrogate me as to why today is a bad day. Don't bother. No one knows - including myself - and no one is going to know. I don't know why I'm telling you guys this, except that the people on Xanga would think I was suicidal if I left a post like this. Never a good thing when your friends start coming into your workplace, checking your wrists for signs of self inflicted wounds.

-Shell

I pretty much rock the world

2006-05-10T12:07:00.000-04:00

I did it again. Three cheers for the procrastinating home schooled students who get good grades anyway.

Persuasive speech this morning. 8:00 am sharp. I was up until 6:00 putting it together. Got about 45 min of sleep.

I aced it. A 97. And I was asked if I would be interested in filming it as a demo speech for other students. Go Shell. Just goes to show you what a little coffee at 2:00 am can do for a fellow.

Then I walked over and talked to Amanda and Judah for a while. Judah parked by me and they followed me to my van.

Yes.

They trashed it.

But in a very unique way. As in, wrapped the seats in plastic wrap. And the plastic wrap was holding things to the seat that made it look like people were sitting there. The chair in the middle, yeah, it has my sword wrapped to the armrest. I was so tired I couldn't laugh as hard as I should have. My mind was laughing itself to tears though. I'm leaving it all intact if people want to see it tonight. Now...to retaliate, or to let it be...decisions, decisions...

The child is carrying a bat. Thats scary.

Go call and write and leave threats against your senators life if he or she does not sign the bill that will cut the US funding to the UN in half. So what if you are imprisoned for such things. You should stand up for what is right. And right is destroying the UN. Shell's feelin a little power hungry...she's also runnin on an hour of sleep. Boy, am I gonna have a ball at work today.

-Shell
p.s. Carol, I had fun Sunday too. There just wasn't a lot of drama to talk about. That was a dramatic moment thing. MI3 was very good. I really enjoyed it. Go cram it Sixth! It rocked!

NOTE: I've decided I like Stavesacre more than I like Creed. So glad I realized that before I spent my life wasting my ear drums away to the sound of "Weathered". What have you realized today? For more information call 1-800-365-5869.

Flying golf clubs

2006-05-08T11:43:00.000-04:00

Friday night was pretty much the best time of my life. Ok. Thats a bit of an exaggeration. But it was definitely the best time I've had in a long, long time. I'll just list a few of the highlights. Not that anyone cares, but I'm going to enjoy remembering them. If you get bored, feel free to send flames and threats of death saying you will lynch me if I ever subject you to such a thing again.
________________________

Me with my heels sinking into the ground

Judah and our trips to try and find him so we could leave

Cheese on Skittles - a.k.a. most disgusting thing in the world

That chick in the pink dress - something I don't want to remember

The worst concert I've ever been to

Me throwing marbles everywhere - in the trash cans, at people's feet, at adults heads, at Allen, across the room - because it was the worst concert I had ever been to

Carl and Judah making me stop throwing the marbles

Carl looking at me and saying quite solemnly "You are such a rebel." He couldn't take the marble throwing...

Getting out of the building before I was supposed to (aahahahaa! If I could do anything twice, it would be watch that ladies face change expressions when I turned around and replied to her command in a sinister and royally pissed off way)

The drive to All Star Adventures - Carl took over the wheel

Us deciding to name Carl, Oxford. He muttered so we changed it to Cambridge

Judah throwing a golf club at Allen's head

Allen leaping across the river of doom

Carl hitting that golf ball as hard as he could at the post, and it bouncing right back at him

Allen crashing his go-cart (Ahahahahahaa!)

Dancing like a leprechaun

Refusing to eat with the masses and going to IHOP instead where we encountered the strangest of people. I can forgive them...it was Cinco De Myo

Realizing we had trashed Allen's van really bad...and then not caring

Calling Amanda a two-bit whore and no one but me, her, and Judah getting the joke. The looks Carl and Allen gave us...

Amanda making me and Judah ride the baby three-person merry-go-round

etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc...
__________________

Sufficed to say, I had a very good time.

How are finals going for everyone? *Sobs* Where has the semester gone?? Soon we will no longer be subject to homework, teachers, annoying classmates, essays, homework, alarms going off at 7:00 a.m., homework...and it sort of makes me sad.

Ok.

That's a lie.
-Shell

IWBAPO

2006-04-29T01:50:00.000-04:00

I'm going to the opium dens! Yes, opium dens, dens of vice and criminals' hangouts, Mother. I've joined the Hogan gang, I'm a hired assassin, I carry a tommy-gun in a violin case! I run a string of cat-houses in the Valley! They call me Killer, Killer Wingfield, I'm leading a double-life, a simple, honest warehouse worker by day, by night a dynamic czar of the underworld, Mother. I go to gambling casinos, I spin away fortunes on the roulette table! I wear a patch over one eye and a false mustache, sometimes I put on green whiskers. On those occasions they call me - El Diablo! Oh, I could tell you things to make you sleepless! My enemies plan to dynamite this place. They're going to blow us all sky-high some night! I'll be glad, very happy, and so will you! You'll go up, up on a broomstick, over Blue Mountain with seventeen gentleman callers! You ugly - babbling old - witch....

Hope that gave everyone a nice warm feeling.

And I have at last managed to secure a traffic citation from the prestigious Cowley College IWBAPO (I Want To Be A Police Officer). Suckers...they only knew I did something wrong because they were standing across the street when I was laughing about it.

NOTE: Justin, you were right, they don't like it when you drive down that one way street at Cowley the wrong way. But come on! I didn't drive more than 20 yards! I was parked facing North. Wow. Ahahaha! Plus the "ticket" said that traffic conditions were "light". For some reason this made me laugh. It was a parking lot.

But seriously, they didn't even ask if I had a license to drive. And they were checking out my sweet ride with a friggin flashlight. What? If I had dead bodies in there, I wouldn't sit them up and strap them in the front seat. Would I...?

-Shell

Prom...hhmmm...

2006-04-25T09:48:00.000-04:00

Ooookay. So these are the only pics I have right now. And I will say they pretty much SUCK. My hair sucked. Bad. I should have thrown a fit, but I didn't. Stupid Shell...Whatever. Prom kinda was lame and boring, but whatever. My date was nice. We just lacked the ability to carry on an itelligent conversation. It was like "Sooo...."*mindless chatter* Silence....."Soooo" *random small talk* Silence....
Usually I will just talk when things like that happen. Buuut...seriously, I RAN OUT OF BANTER! Carol. Do I ever run out of banter?? I used so much banter in the first hour to try and make things less weird, that I seriously just kind of ran out. Or rather, the mood left me, big time.

I went and hung out with him and his friends (who are funny people...) afterwards. That was pretty much boring. The highlight of that night was dancing to guitar music on the beach, and Errol running around naked for about an hour. Awkward....

Oh well....My sister needs to get me the rest of the pics. I guess I could get one online that says "Proof" over it....Ahahah! That'd be funny! Am going!

*tries* IT WON'T LET ME!! *kicks stupid website*

Ok. If you really wanna see a different picture (me and Maih. Who looked AMAZING), go to http://www.candidcolorphotography.com/

Click "View proofs"

Click "School Event"

Password "Winfield"

email "Make it up if you wanna"

Go to "WHS Prom Party Pics" (not the other one)

Go to picture # 00001-0240

That would be us in all our...insanity. Or something like that...yeah...

Sixth, why didn't Andy come to prom? WHY?!??! *sobs* It would have been so much fun.

Anyways. I look really weird in these pics. Like, it does not look like Shell at all. Mainly cause my eye makeup made me look like I'd been punched. I pitched a fit but Miah was like "No! You look fine!" And....yeah...I'm doin my own makeup from now until the day I die. Plus my hair looked retarded. It looked cool from the sides and back...but front....not so much. And you can't see my shoes in this pic! The shoes were the best part of the outfit!

-Shell

Since you insist...

2006-04-19T11:59:00.000-04:00

Carol. Don't make me kill you. I get tired of updating blogs. I'm very bored during 1/2 my day (as stated before, I babysit a 15 month old, 6-10 hours a day, 4 days a week), but after a while, putting my thoughts and life onto the screen gets a little old.

Yes. I'm going to prom. Fun fun fun. Going with Joseph. He is amusing. There is story with that, and I might tell it to you someday. lol
My dress is a short, red, sparkly halter top with 4 inch silver stilletoes. I can't walk in them, but I look hot. I may post pictures after the event. I don't think I've ever posted a pic on here before. Hhmm...will post if possible.
Augh...I'm really tired right now and need to go do something other than sit here. Should not be sitting. Must fit in dress Saturday night. Hahahahahaaaa....except sucky thing is, I HAVE to work until 6:00, which means no hairdresser, and no nail salon, AND NO FOOD. I'm going to have to eat something, but it will be by myself and I'm going to be crying the whole time. I WILL! *cries a little bit* Ok. Thats a lie. But, I'm going to hold me having to work that night against certain persons for a while. Possibly a long while. Maybe even years, if I know them that long. But then...whatever. Don't mention it to anyone, Carol. Apparently, somehow half the school found out something about me that no one but you, Mariha, and Amanda knew. And I need to talk to you about that because it wasn't exactly something I wanted anyone else to know. Oh well...
Leave me comments you scums. There was only 11 of them left last time.

-Shell

Mad with power...

2006-04-15T15:08:00.000-04:00

I started refereeing again today! I haven't reffed in so long. I forgot how much I love reffing soccer, and I hate reffing the players. Come on! Your 8 years old! How can you not know how to throw the ball in??? Then there was the goalie who was standing in the back of the net and caught the ball, but since it was across the goal line it was a score...poor guy. I felt sorry for him. Sorry enough to kneel down and explain it and give him some pointers. Stupid coach...WHERE WAS THE COACH WHEN THIS CHILD WAS SCORED ON?? That's what I wanna know...

Sadly, there was no fighting in the stands, on the sidelines, on the field, or between me and any of the fans, coaches or players. It was a little disappointing because I look forward to that. My temper isn't as explosive as it was the last season I was a reff, but there's something about a good row with a coach over the rules. And something even better about looking with the "I could kill you if I needed too" expression at an irate parent who thinks their child was pushed, tripped or even viciously kicked, when all the kid did was step on his own shoelace and fall down. I see things. You don't.

Ah well. There will be other days. Hopefully many because its really good money. Plus it helps to get rid of those "Mad With Power" urges, where you just want to run everything. Go reff, and you are paid to run everything. It makes me want to chuckle in an evil, and completely mad way when I dwell on that thought for very long.

*reads post* Perhaps too much time spent reading books from the 18th century...

-Shell

Scholarshiping is good

2006-04-11T15:53:00.000-04:00

AHAHAHAHAAA!!!
I got on to the Cowley College Theatre program with a full bloody scholarship!
*dances around* Everything. All I have to pay is fees!

-Shell

Caffine will kill

2006-04-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

I am tired.
I want sleep.
And stalker boy was reamed out by Tristin (go Tris...I didn't even ask her to), so yeah...no need to set up an assassination guys. Sorry...

I'm having a caffine hangover. And it sucks.
And I'm bored (As I always am Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays from 8-3). Its almost enough to drive me to video games. And you know how I feel about those...
Ok. I don't mind them. I just suck at them. But ssshh...don't tell the masses that.
-Shell

And to top it all off

2006-03-29T18:49:00.000-05:00

The stalker boy is back. He was gone for like, a long time! But. Peace is no more. He's coming in to see me at work now. He left and as he walked out he was like "I'll call you tonight."
Yeah. Can't wait. Can't wait to ask my brother to hang up on you. Jerk.
What fun! Hoofreakinray!
Sixth, can you kill him for me? Probly not...*sigh* You seem to be a peace loving person. Plus you know people with shiney dresses that I want. I'm very very white, so they wouldn't look good on me, but I still want them!

And I an not a trust shatterer. Don't call me names. They may come back to haunt you. Or I will. Either way.
Found a hysterical monologue. Horray.
And cheers! Getting off work now!
-Shell

Teachers suck.

2006-03-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

I got a C on a research paper in Comp II!!
*beats things*
*sobs a little*
I've never gotten anything lower than a B in anything related to English/Comp. Ever. I am an A student in English.
What to do....what to do...
I muttered in fury to my older brother about it and he immediately went into revolution. The guy is 25 and he still loves to vs. The System. Which is fun. I don't like to complain about stuff, like, ever. At least to people faces....hehehe....but David was like "Tell her! Tell the faculty!"

Because as I stared at my grade in confusion and horror, the teacher was like "It was mostly due to format errors. Which we covered in the classes that you had to miss because of the play."

Let us think on this for a moment.
How. Was. I. Supposed. To. Know.

Shhheeezzz....I've rambled and complained about this to like, 3 different blogs now. Think I could get over it?
No.
Being homeschooled, I never experienced disliking a teacher or getting a grade I didn't think I deserved. Mom would grade my stuff and if I got a crappy grade on anything (and I never did in English), I deserved it. My Comp I teacher adored me, as did my highschool English teacher.
Its just weird and disconcerting. *laughs a little* I tell people who my Comp II teacher is and they laugh and go "Sucks to be you."

Thanks. Thanks a lot people.

-Shell

Post Battle of the Bands

2006-03-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank the band for coming out and rockin even though we didn't even know what we were doing! It was a blast! And if we can get a gig at KU (and Brandon promised), I hope we'll do it again, with the same people.

Thanks to Amanda, Rachel Moon, Sean, Justin, Heather, Felecia, Mackinzie S., Anne, Daniel, Rachel Mangold, Andrew, Allen, Micah, Dan, Sarah, etc. (and Mom. Who came, listened to us, left, and came back at the end to see if we would win or not, which was pretty cool of her), who came to see Unread and cheer us on. I must say, we had the most crowd participation (go us...) due to the fact that the people we knew decided to mosh. Its so weird to see your friends moshing to a song your singing. I'm usually the dancing-headbanging-screaming-idoit-at-concerts leader (ok...I'm almost always the leader - though sometimes Mariha helps), and today...well...Felecia did a wonderful job of taking my place (seeing as I was on stage and all). I did attempt to make a moshing group later on during the only other group there who had songs that were mosh-worthy (Nice job Loving Violence), but the dacing/headbanging/air guitaring died quickly for reasons I don't understand other than terror of looking like an idiot. The only time you look like an idiot dancing at a place like that is when your all alone. There were 4 of us. Come on. I went to a concert that was an hour and a half long, and there were TWO of us dancing and jumping the whole time. And we two just kept on dancing... Whatever...

Anyways. Unread did alright. Due to the lack of people knowing what was going on backstage, our whole performance was kinda...messed up in ways we could not control...so see...I ran off to the bathroom, Connie asked who was MCing and the band had decided that we wanted one of our backstage people to intro us. Everyone thought that MC meant, who was intro-ing. So they point to Micah, and Connie is like "You guys need to go." And they were all like "Dude! Our other singer is missing!" So I come back and they are all freaking out cause Connie was telling them they had to go on right then, and it was time to get started and I had gone missing. Apparently, we weren't really supposed to start yet. I dunno why Connie thought that a little Sophomore in high school was MCing the entire night (the boy looks like he's 15), but she sent him out there and we had to start. So we went out, and the real MC was still out in the lobby. But hey, backstage was yelling at us to go, so we went.

The drummers amp wasn't on. The amps up front were so quiet Mariha and I couldn't hear anything we were singing. And Erics mic wasn't even on. And Jacobs mic was on, but wasn't hooked up to the amps (we could have asked them to fix it after the first song, but I wasn't sure if we were supposed to running the amps or what the heck was up, so we just went on. Should have just yelled at someone). It was all screwed up. And since we weren't supposed to start, they didn't even turn off the house lights for a long time so we were just singing away. And then....this one was my fault...so the first song we sang, we'd only ever gone over like, 4 times.

So I'm singing the first verse by meself, and I totally blanked. I started singing, got to the end of the second line and went "I can't remember anything else." and just started making up lyrics. Poor Eric. I wrecked his best song. It really was a good song. Too bad I didn't say anything that was even close to what it was supposed to say.

*sigh* Mariha looked like she was terrified and couldn't really get into it, whereas I was having a freakin blast, even if stuff kept screwing up. So it was a little unbalanced. But for the most part, we thought we did good. Especially for 4 practices. We practiced together about...eehhh....around 10 hours. Weeheee...

I'm rambling now. Sorry....and sorry to all the people who couldn't make it. You didn't miss out on much though. We rocked of course (hahahahahahaaaa), and Deep Structure was good, as was Loving Violence. Other than that....the rest of it was kinda boring.

-Shell
p.s We didn't win. Some random band that came from O.K., that we had to wait for 20 for them to show up, who went last and didn't see anyone else play (all the other bands were there the whole time), who already had a record label, who had their own light show, who no one knew, who didn't go to school here, and who sang country music won. I think this peeved everyone a lot. They tied with some other band so the judges had to vote. I wanna know who the other band was...

The story.

2006-03-16T11:12:00.000-05:00

So. There once was a band called 2 LAIT. No one bothered to inform them that the odd spelling made them actually be "2 milk" in French, but when the band found out, they didn't really care. They were all very busy, and just wanted to make some music because that's what they loved. Never really did any gigs other than a few street concerts, and no one knew who they were. They would plan stuff and then practice the week before every night, and come out alright by the end of show.

Then one day, the guitar player decided to leave. He announced he was getting married and wouldn't have time to play anymore. The singers of 2 LAIT were hacked off about this and talked to the backsliding guitar player. He admitted to having said those things while in an altered state of mind and proclaimed that he would love to keep playing for us.

So the band kept on going for another couple months. Didn't get together that often, but when they did...Well...Nothing got done anyway. After it was known that the guitar player had thought about (and proclaimed he would) leave us, the spirit of the band was very tense and the music that came out was below amateur.

One fateful practice, the singers of 2 LAIT decided it was high time the band stopped singing cover songs and started singing our own stuff. So they brought out some lyrics and convinced the band to try and write something to them. It was a devastating experience. It was later suspected that the guitar player hated the lyrics, and he saw a completely different style for the song than everyone else did. He also refused to change his bloody chords and so the singers were forced to sing the same 3 notes over and over.

Practice ended on a very sour note, and everyone went home a little depressed about the whole 'band' thing. Then next week, the guitar player announced that he was leaving them for good and the wedding date had been changed to March. His fiancee didn't seem to like the singers in the band anyway, so it was suspected that she had something to do with it. Guitar boy was always in a better mood and more open to ideas when his girl didn't come to practice.

So for a time, the band disbanded. Until one day, a friend introduced one of the singers to a roaming guitar player. She asked him to play, he agreed to "give it a go", and they planned to have practice as soon as they could. Unfortunately, some events beyond the control of the lives they wreaked havoc on happened, and band practice didn't happen. Then one day, this same singer saw a poster for a battle of the bands at the local college. She grinned and thought this would be a good opportunity for the band to get together, play with the new guitar boy, and see how it went. Sadly, she couldn't get a straight answer out of anyone for some time, and was unable to contact the new guitar boy.

At last, the day before the deadline for entering the battle, she was able to get a "Yes." from the entire band including the wandering guitarust, and the next morning, she went in a signed them up.

There had been some talk of changing the name of the band from 2 LAIT too...Something else. No one was quite sure what, but the name just wasn't them without the original guitar player. It held memories of a distant, happier and filled with dreams past. Since no one would decide on a name, the singer simply put down "Unread" when asked what the band name was. It didn't really mean anything at all. It was simply a word that they would label themselves with and she hoped no one in the band would think was too lame. That afternoon, the singer received a call from the drummer saying that he and the bass player would not be able to make it to the show.

This was a harsh blow, but the singer determined to get through it. She called the guitar player of another band and asked him if he wanted to do a gig, as a bass player, in a week. He agreed. She called the drummer of that same band, asked him to drum, and he agreed as well. Everyone decided to a practice Sunday afternoon.

Unread met Sunday afternoon, 4 days before the battle of the bands. They were able to sit down and put music to two original songs. They met the next evening, tried to fix a few things and come up with at least one more song. The task was not completed and they ended up deciding to go with a cover song. Which was a little depressing, but everyone could live with. The bass player announced that he could not make the mandatory sound check on Wednesday, but the band agreed they would be alright without him.
After meeting on Wednesday, breaking into the church to get the drums, and loading all of their equipment up, they drove off to the college for sound check.

When the band arrived (short one bass player and one singer), they realized that they were the only ones who brought their stuff, and there was no "Sound check", just a few people who wanted their lyrics and to know how many mics they would need. Unread was informed they would perform first, an hour before they thought the actual battle began. This was disconcerting, since the band had told everyone that the battle started at 6:00. There was a lot of gripping about it after they all left that cold and un-organized auditorium, but they realized that there was nothing they could do except re-inform people that they would be playing at 5:00 instead.

They met for another practice without the bass player, figured out another original song to replace the cover song, and disbanded until the following afternoon when they would meet for the last time before they came on stage.

And the rest of the story is in the future.

-Shell

Researching....

2006-03-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

Sooo...research paper....fun....not...
Battle of the Bands Thursday. I'm going to tell the story to my Xanga tomorrow night because I just want food and sleep right now and don't feel like sitting here and typing it out for 1/2 an hour. So I'll tell you all about the band and the practices and the sound check...and Friday you'll find out who won.
Just know.
It won't be Unread (thats us).
But it better not be The Loving Violence (thats them) either.

-Shell

p.s. I'm putting this link here for my benefit. Not yours.
http://www.newtotalitarians.com/WomenInCombat.html
Research paper...

Analyze them all

2006-03-08T18:27:00.000-05:00

You ever just sit there and analyze people? Like, take for example, your in a group of people and your all talking about suicide. One person in the group is very quiet and doesn't say much and isn't looking at anyone. So you start to wonder...hhmm...why aren't they talking? Are they suicidal? Is someone they know? Did someone close to them die of suicide? So you sit there analyzing and wondering, letting your overactive and prone to story telling self make up this huge thing, and by the time the discussion is over, you have created a huge thing in your mind and you feel so sorry for them and bla bla bla...and then they end up simply suffering from a hangover.

Don't tell me I'm the only one who does that. Because I know you do it too. Probly not as often as I do...but you do. I'm bored out of my mind right now so please *feels like a radio announcer* ok...this is really lame. *laughs* Oh well.

Funniest analyzing of a person you've ever done. Go comment. I need some amusement...the library isn't exactly an exciting place to work ya know...

-Shell

Post Proposals

2006-03-07T14:39:00.000-05:00

Ok. Shell is getting really upset now. That is TWICE this computer has screwed up my message! Augh! *pokes computers eyes out*

The show.
It went well the last two nights. Friday was good, Saturday was the best. They taped it on Thursday, so I have to send the terrible performance clips in for auditions for that summer theatre camp thing. Oh well...I haven't gone into theatre withdrawal yet. Would have last night if we hadn't played soccer though. And I will after Lendiel's show on Friday. Ah, the pain of those helplessly addicted to theatre. We don't ask for you sympathy or your understanding, all we want is for you to allow us to wallow in our own self-pity when we become depressed. At least I won't be shocking out $50-$60 a week in gas anymore. Hooray. I'm so poor right now its not even remotely funny.

So my band. We got a guitar player, but now the other singer has no time to do anything whatsoever. There is a battle of the bands at the college in like, 2 weeks and I really want our band to play in it. But I'm not at the point where I can sing our music by myself. Its so frustrating. I miss the band.

Later
-Shell

Opening Proposals

2006-03-03T09:40:00.000-05:00

NOTE TO LENDIEL: Thanks for the Opening Night flowers! *hugs*

Someone just kill me now. Put me out of my bleeding misery before I do it myself.

The show.

Yes. That show. You know the one. The one I've been rambling about for the past month. The one I've forced all of you to promise to attend. The one I was so incredibly proud of myself for landing because woohoo, look at me, in high school and on a college stage. Yeah. Go Shell. Too bad you had to screw it up! Too bad your more of an amateur then you ever even dreamed, or even imagined in your worst personal evaluations. Too bad...just too freakin bad.

I was zombie before lights came down. I was zoning out. It was weird because I'm usually bouncing off the walls with energy on opening nights (those of you who have seen me can attest to that. I talk non-stop and laugh and yell and whoop and crack jokes the entire 2 hours before show), but tonight I was calm beyond reason. Then lights came down and I'm standing there with my stick and I look over and Ryan and he's pumped and I suddenly realized it was opening night and got all this energy and I was so excited. And the audience was laughing and...

Yeah. They were laughing. My bloody kryptonite.

Those of you who personally know me, know I laugh at anything even remotely funny. And if I walk into a room of laughing people, I'll start laughing with them. I have no idea why. I have had this affliction since I can remember. Tess tried as hard as she could while we were on tour to beat it out of me (not literally of course...don't get all alarmed), but it didn't work. I hear people being amused and it amuses me.

This would not be a problem if I could just lock myself into character and be Josie for the entire play. But we have to wait for them to stop laughing. I can't just loose myself in the character because I have to be extremely aware of the audience and know when to come in.

I screwed the entire first act. I didn't even realize how badly until I talked to my little brother and Mariha after the show. I got a hint of how bad it was when Scott was saying "Amateur!" during intermission, but Micah kinda concreted it down for me. It was awful. I actually let out a small laugh at one point (Karra was sniggering too, but that is no excuse). Please pardon me while I have a moment of utter self-loathing and embarrassment. Don't tell me I'm just a perfectionist and I see the negative in everything I do that isn't perfect. This was...I dunno. I've never had that bad of a character break that many times. Ever. In my entire life. And I've been on stage since I was 6.

I finally figured out how to avoid laughing, but that was after intermission. I know I must look very very blank when they laugh. I think of something really horrible that pisses me off and I manage to suppress the mirth. But I would rather be blank than laughing along with the crowd.

I don't even know. I could ramble about this for hours and you still wouldn't even begin to understand how badly I've disappointed myself. And I don't know which was worse: disappointing my self, or the look on Scott's face. Whatever. Its just a great big pride issue that I need to get over immidiatly. I don't know one actor who has ever had a perfect show, let alone a perfect opening night. I didn't drop a line (skipped one, but it didn't matter), and it wasn't really a problem second act. Must stop the pitty party.

-Shell

P.S. Just to let you know, as a whole the show was very good. The other cast members were phenominal and the crowd loved the entire production. I'm proud to work with this cast. They are the best fellow actors I've ever had (except for "Annie"...no cast will ever beat that cast)

Radio Lady

2006-03-01T10:40:00.000-05:00

Posted Xanga from last night:
___________________________________________________________________

Life is tired and dull and play practice tonight sucked due to the fact that I kept screwing up lines and blocking. And there were certain parties sitting in the balcony again, which made me more pissed off than I've been in a long time. And I will be forced to leave the comfort of my pillow 20 min earlier tomorrow due to the fact that I have to attend a radio promo deal for the play at 8:00 a.m. with Scott and Jared. With whom I have no lines. Isn't that handy? "Give us a clip!" Well...about that. Smart thinkin there Scott. Brilliant moment.

The word brilliant brings back some amusing memories. I think I'll crash on that note. Actually, I'll brush my teeth, and wash 1/2 a bottle of hairspray out of my hair on that note. Which means that by the time I actually come around to going to sleep, I'll have thought of something non-amusing and will in all probability have more psychotic dreams involving knife throwing (its now become a subconscious obsession. Beware). And I'm just going to shut up now. I don't even really sound like myself anymore...its a sad moment for the Brady Bunch family.
-Shell
_______________________________________________________________
Posted blogging today:
____________________________________________________________

The radio thing went well. No one was supposed to know about it from the cast though, and I posted it on Xanga and forgot Chad reads that so crap...hope he doesn't say anything. Director didn't want anyone to be upset they couldn't come. Buggering...I'm so tired. And hungry. Ran out without breakfast and I just can't survive for very long without breakfast. Can go all day without food...BUT MUST HAVE BREAKFAST!! And I didn't have any weird knife dreams. A little dissapointing actually...

Later
-Shell
*runs off to vending machines*

Darned Squirrels

2006-02-25T14:57:00.000-05:00

Ah. Here I sit. Once again, at work. Once again, bored out of my mind. I've been here what? 22 min. One of the joys of growing up: responsibility. Not that everyone who grows up actually accepts it, many refuse and live in a nearly veggetive state for their entire lives, too afraid to become an adult, and too stupid to know that its inevitable.

And I don't know where the world that came from...moment of madness I suppose. Brought on by prolonged exposure to those darned squirrels. You heard me.

*beats head rhythmically against table*

I didn't have time to practice for sword this week. We have testing next weekend. At least I wasn't the stupid one who picked up the instructors sword, thought "Hmm...wonder if this is sharp." and ended up in the emergency room. Idiot...

-Shell

2006-02-24T10:52:00.000-05:00

Lendiel...stop spreading my blog to the rest of mankind! *pokes Lendiel* Go visit Xanga for that.

Play practice went alright. I was screwing and dropping lines all night though. Gah! Then we all went out for food, and I sat down at the guys table, which ended up being hysericaly funny and interesting. The girls and Ryan went to their little table and chatted nicely. Suckers...we at least were having fun. Ha! The tomboy in me comes out strongly on some days.

I'm going to go give blood now. Hooray.
Later
-Shell

Scholarships Make Me Happy!

2006-02-22T11:08:00.000-05:00

Ahahahaha!! Woohoo!!!

I believe I have nearly secured a full theatre scholarship for next semester at Cowley! Watch...that'll come back to bite me. But I don't think so. I was talking to Director this morning and he was like "We never talked about you and scholarships, did we?"

"Nope."

"Are you interested?"

"Very!"

So we went over everything. He said I didn't even need references cause he's worked with me so he knows I'm going to show and up and stuff. And he was like "You are always so positive. I never see you negative! Weell...occasionaly your like "Um...right.", but for the most part, your so happy all the time" *coughs*
How little he knows the me or how I want to be sometimes. But I respect him a lot, so I try very hard to keep it positive. Despite my own doubt sometimes, I am a fairly happy person. Seriously. I love being happy. I love making people laugh. While the attention one gets when they are depressed is kind of nice, I like being happy much more. Anyways...on with the topic at hand.

Plus I don't care if I get a part in the shows or not, I just love being around theatre (yes, I'm a theatre geek. SHUT UP!), so thats a big plus for consideration of scholarships. They only give out 10 scholarships to incoming freshman and yeah... I'm pretty much really happy about college right now. I'm poor, my family is poor, and I have no rich relatives, so the whole thing is just...*sniffles* Yeah. Prayer answering-ness.

Later
-Shell

I love drama...and the drama in the drama

2006-02-21T00:08:00.000-05:00

Ah...I love drama. And the drama in the drama. And the drama in the drama in the drama...you know?

What in the world...ohman...tonight was the worst and the best of times ever in theatre. Like, the former theatre director at the college came in today to fix stuff. She rocked. I liked her. I felt so much more confident and motivated while she was sitting in the audience. But she left and we all fell apart. No one was into it, Ryan was tired (again), Chad was depressed, Joey wasn't cracking jokes, I was sick of saying my lines over and over and over, Laura was acting like a brat, Lindsi was hacked off and frustrated, Kyle couldn't get into character, Karra kept forgetting stuff, and Jerad...well...he was the only one doin' alright.

Director chucked his notepad during one scene, and completely walked out of the theatre during mine and Lindsi's scene. And all he said when he came back in was "I didn't buy that hug." Too freakin bad!! I don't hug people from behind while they are sitting down!! No one does that!! NO ONE!!! ESPECIALY JOSIE! SHE JUST DOESN'T!!

Once it was over, we were all getting out of costume and were all a little afraid of what he was going to say. Ok. We were terrified. Plus other things had happened in fellow cast members lives outside of theatre that had us all really freaked out cause we were terrified that the said person was going to be re-cast, and we wouldn't be able to handle that at this point.

We go out, he's acting really calm and I'm like "He's fakin'." He said notes all nice and then started the lecture. Then we found out he had been sick the past two days, and barfing (which is why he didn't teach class this morning) and stuff...I wanted to say "So did you walk out of our scene because you had to hurl, or were you just throwing a fit?"

But I refrained....ohyeah! Then Laura was like hacked off and starts getting up to leave and Director was like

"What?"

And she like "Don't you have anything good to say about us? Any praise?"

And I thought "Ooh...man...wrong thing to say. PRIMA DONA MOMENT GIRL! You should have repressed that one."

He freaked out. I have never heard him yell before. He was threatening to re-cast her and my thoughts went to the afor mentioned person that is in danger of being re-cast and I became even more upset because I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE TWO RE-CASTINGS!! I CAN'T!! I don't even have that much interaction on stage with Laura, BUT I STILL COULDN'T DO IT! The other being re-cast would be a nightmare though. I've learned to work off and with them, and it took a while to figure it out. I would be in mental pieces by opening night if I had to relearn that stuff with someone else. Plus, even though I do not talk to said-person very much and don't even know them at all, I would still miss them.

So she started crying and...augh! THE DRAMA! THE PURE AND PATHETIC DRAMA!!! I was pretty much full of fury and doom and wanted to smack Laura and yell at Director. She needs some respect for Director and he needs some well-thought-out judgment calls. Hello! I don't care how dedicated you are, if your sick, don't come. Not only is your judgment impared, but you endanger the rest of the cast because we have show in a week and you have barf-sick germs everywhere!

The breakdowns, the drama, the stupid actions of fellow cast member that could screw everyone because there is no way that part can be re-cast, and me trying to stop being this person I'm not when I'm there. Its been a good day.

Life is just a little frustrating right now. JUST A LITTLE!! I let out a maniac laugh when it was all over. Director kept saying how we needed to have fun with the show. Lindsi and I were leaving and I was like "Well that was fun!"

"Yup! Can't wait to come back tomorrow and do it again!"

"No kidding! *maniac laugh*"

I need sleep. I need to go running in the morning. I need to write a bio to put in the program.

Later
-Shell

Situational Behavior

2006-02-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

You ever wonder why we say and do certain things? Like, circumstantial behavior. We act one way here, and another there and so on and so forth. Its pathetic! And if one was to ever combine all of their personality's into one moment, one would be so confused as to who they are that they would in all probability die.

Lets just get to the point.

What is with all the hypocrisy? I'm not laying the blame on any one person, because I am as guilty of it as anyone else. But seriously? Why do we feel the need to impress people and fit in? I have at least 3 personalities, and sometimes I go from one to the other in a matter of hours. And by the end of those days, my head is ready to explode. Would it not be easier to simply be yourself whenever and wherever? What is to be gained by being someone else, or repressing a certain part of your personality in a certain situation? Nothing. Nothing at all. And yet we all still do.

Take Christians for example. We seem to be especially guilty of multiple personalities.

Honestly, do people even know we're Christians by our actions, words or anything that we do? Is there any distinction there whatsoever? In most circumstances, no. We act like perfect angels in church and around our 'church friends' and then we go off into the rest of the world and do as we please. Why?

You go to work. You act like a responsible adult, smile at people you can't stand, act like nothing in your life ever goes wrong, and pretend you know what your talking about all the time. Why?

You go to school. Act like either A: Nothing is wrong, you are happy and bouncy and here to make the world a better place. Or B: Seclude yourself from everyone in order to either escape pain of rejection or simply to hide the fact that you are having a really bad day. Why?

Then of course, there is you with your family. Where we seem to feel the freedom to treat those we love the most with the most inconsiderate behavior possible. We lie, cheat, backstab, talk about, yell at, ect. We mix a little bit of ever personality into it, along with every bad habit and behavior we have, and there you go! The person we are at home. Why?

This entire system of situational behavior is so frustrating and so sickening, even in my own life. When does the madness stop? When will we finally grow up enough to realize that the masks are too heavy to wear all the time?

-Shell

Mimes Rule

2006-02-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

Good speech day today!

I taught my class how to be stuck in a box...(as a mime...so it was a fake box...). It was fun fun fun. I actually did have fun. I have taught so many people mime that I thought I was over having fun with it. But I'm not. Once a mime, always a mime. Which is sad and pathetic.

WOOHOO!!! My teacher told me to come get an aplication for a theatre scholarship for next semester though! *dances around* Plus I sing, so I can get one for that too...*dances more and sings* That made me so freakin happy. I LOVE THIS COLLEGE!!! *hugs Cowley*

Later
-Shell

Oh cheers.

2006-02-14T21:45:00.000-05:00

Happy V-Day people!

Note: V can mean whatever you wish here. Vegan, Virgin, Veratose, even VerySuckyDay for all I care.

I've updated my Xanga a billion times today, and then I thought "Hhmm...should update the Porch'. My Xanga just kind of screams "I HAVE NO LIFE!!" When I do...well...ok! I don't! You don't have to talk about it though! Sheezz...

NOTHING IS HAPPENING. I'm having some really sever mood swings. Like, you wouldn't want to be around me right now mood swings. Oh maahhnnn...they're bad.

Like I got up, was in an ok mood but tired.
Then realized that I was going to be late and freaked out.
Went to babysit, became horribly depressed.
Then suddenly became energetic, wished I had brought my sword with me and used a broom handle to practice with instead and lifted weights.
Then depression of massive amounts hit me and I ate a lot of food which made me feel worse cause I hardly ever eat lunch anymore (no time).
Then I got off babysitting and I was driving out the driveway and this good song came on and I suddenly became like, euphoric.
Then I went on to the other workplace and was very calm and collected.
Got off work, went to my sisters to type up my essay (which was due tonight at class, and I wrote last night. Go Shell!) and became very tired and dull and like I totally didn't care about anything. Live? Who cares? Die? Who cares? Ect.
Came to class late (sprinted up the steps) and sat there in a state of utter boredom. Did a quizz, took a test, all that fun Comp II night class stuff. Hooray.

And now I really want to see my friends and hang out and be loud and happy and stuff. Too bad they all suck and aren't down here at night! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! Ok...no one reads this who knows me (save Carol) so you don't, but shut up! Stating the truth pops my bubble!

I'm going to go now and hope for some good tunes. I should sleep. Dun want to though. I WANT TO DRINK COFFEE AND LAUGH!

Later
-Shell

Awkward moment of the freakin week!

2006-02-08T17:48:00.000-05:00

Sweet mother of peaches.... *chuckles* Yeah. Kissing random people is as awkward as I thought it would be. Director had said on Monday "Hey! We're actually doing the kissing scenes on Wednesday! No more hugging." But...neither of us ever actually...talked about it. Never. Just didn't. So we're in the scene, the moment comes....and I just said "To heck with it! Might as well get it over with!" And he seemed to have the same thought cause he came in and...then he bailed and cheek kissed and he was like "Did we have to do that today??!!" And we look over and the director, the Stage manager, her boyfriend, and Linsdi (other cast person) are just freakin crackin up! Like, they were laughing so hard! Director was like "That was so funny! We were like "Omg...they're gonna do it!" And then for a split second I thought "They won't do it." And then you were and....he bailed!"

*laughs loudly and hautily* I didn't bail. Thankyewverymuch! I had the courage! And I think I was more freaked out by the thought than he was. Neither of us had done stage kissing before. But I'm pretty darned sure I was more awkward about it. And Ray bailed. I feel proud of myself for not bailing....sort of. He bailed again the second time and was like "I'm going to the right!!! Dang it! I always go right!!" And then...well...I kinda bailed. I actually kissed him and was like "Augh! Too...weird...too...stay...can't!" and pulled away after like, a milisecond. The scene requires more than a milisecond kiss. So Director was like "No! You can't pull away until Kenny enters." And Ray's like "She just pulled away!" And I'm like muttering horrible words under my breath at myself because I'm such a chicken. Then we actually kissed. Then had to do it again. People clapped. *hits head on table* It was so weird after that. What do you say after something like that??? THERE IS NOTHING TO SAY!! Ahahahahaa!! Thats my line right before all this. "You don't say anything at all." *hits head more* I need sleep.

Awww...sshhheeezzz.....probly the most awkward moment ever on stage. Seriously. I have never felt that awkward and foolish. I know we were both acting like little kids about it, but people! Come on! We met like, what? 2 weeks ago?? I had met him once or twice before, in passing, but I really didn't like his personality at all and thought he was kind of a jerk. So really, we're doin pretty good actor-wise.

Anyways. Just my amusing story for the day.

Oh yeah! Homeschooling.
Pretty much, after I got into highschool I taught myself. I'm a fairly smart kid, except in math. I've never flunked a class (Weeeelll...I tech. flunked 9th grade math. But I don't talk about that), and enjoy school just as much as the next person (not at all). There was a homeschool soccer team (which I became captain of) that started my freshman year, and before that there was a city soccer league that I started playing for when I was 8. Then I reffed and played. Then I coached little league, reffed and played.
I was also on a mime team (sounds weird. I know. Another story for another time), and me and my friend do/have done crazy stuff that could get us into trouble. We never went the really illegal route (weed, underage drinking, ect), cause we were raised to be a lot more responsible than your average kid. Sometimes people my age think I'm a little odd because I talk like an adult. I dress and laugh at and do all the stuff kids my age do, I just developed a very complicated vocab. But more and more people are understanding it as I get old. *smacks head* That made me sound so...whatever *laughs* But thats (in my small little mind, I don't know about others) the only weird thing about me. I think...ok...there are probly others. But who cares what they think???

Anyways. Homeschool kids (as a whole) are pretty much the same as any other kid out there, except the majority are a little more responsible when it come to choices they make in highschool. The only difference is, instead of spending 8 hours a day in a large building, we spend as much time as it takes to finish our homework in our house, and then are free to do whatever we want for the rest of the day. Some homeschool familes keep their kids doing school from 8-3, but my family is just like "If you have good grades, and you've done your work, go do whatever."

Sooo...thats my 'short' explination of homeschooling. I don't actually have to go now, but I feel like it. I'm really tired. And I have to run by the library down here and return some books. And I don't have time to sleep before I go to work. Dang it!

Later
-Shell

Steelers deserve death...

2006-02-06T15:06:00.000-05:00

Dude...the Sea Hawks lost. DO YOU KNOW HOW DEPRESSED I AM ABOUT THAT?? Very. Plus I lost the bet to Justin. We haven't made a bet in like, a year. We used to make them all the time, then some bet was suggested that was really offensive or something (I sort of remember being really mad about it), and we stopped. But I almost always win our bets. I lost. I'm depressed.

It was a pretty good party, as Super Bowl parties go. I had to work that day, and I was totally falling asleep, which kinda sucked.

Plus...there was something I was going to tell you about...

AHAHA!! I can't believe I forgot it!

I spent the weekend at a Martial Arts tournament. Which was SWEET!!

I was also given the special award (by my instructor)

Most Quiet To The Point I Hardly Knew She Was There

Sound like me? No. Was me on Saturday? Yes.

It was sweet though. Little 12 year old Korean Black belts with num-chucks! Master Black belts with knives who were demonstrating how to kill people (that guy could be a an assassin so freakin easy). My instructors little kid doing a sword poomse with his little tiny version of the uniform (he placed first. Go kid)! I didn't enter cause it was a little bit expansive, but I was scared out of my mind. I was totally freaked out that it would be way harder then it actually was. I was mad when I saw the tournament and realized I would have been perfectly fine.

My school went out for pizza afterwords, but Mariha drove down to watch, and I came with her, and then the Wilders drove down later in the day, so there was this group of like, 7 of us. Mariha's boyfriend was freakin out and being all like "Don't be home late! What if you die??" Whatever. So we left and didn't eat with them. Apparently that was a hysterical time that I am depressed I missed. Gerald received the 'Most Immature At A Restaurant' award, as well as 'Most Immature At A Tournament' and 'Most Immature 50 Year Old'. He was being funny. He and his wife are one of the funniest couples in the world. I love just sitting there watching them, cause its so interesting.

I should go though, cause play practice starts in a couple min.

Later

-Shell
p.s. I'll explain homeschooling in the next post.

I am not dead.

2006-02-01T14:28:00.000-05:00

Heeeey....sorry guys. I've been at my other blog all week (I'm not dead. Sheeezzz...)

So I bought this watch today, which is beautiful and sweet and big and white and shiney and silver and...not all that expensive ($26). Then it fell off the table in my room. I though, no big deal. The whole room has carpet. But no! It hit, face down, the only thing on the floor that was hard enough to break the glass in the front. My sword. Seriously! It just happend to hit the only hard surface, and that hard surface had to be right there, and it had to hit face up! There is no glass in the front of my watch now. It still is a sweet watch and all, but...has no glass on the front. I'm kinda sad about that.

Sooo....play practice. And more play practice. Oh! Yeah! And play practice! Speaking of play practice, I really should be memorizing my lines right now. Realllyyy really should. I have 9 days left to memorize Act II. I got Act I in 5 days, but for some reason, I just can't get into Act II. Augh! *pokes self in eye*

Anyways. Life is jolly. Except for random people *cough*Joey*cough* Who think that home schooled kids must all be retarded. Sure. I am. But thats no reason to think the rest of them are! He was asking me how it worked and all (which is hard to explain sometimes), and he seriously said (And I quote)
"So, do you have any friends?"

What the freakin....One part of me wanted to laugh in his face. Yes. I have friends. Thankyouverymuch. They are normal. They wear Americrombe clothes, they dye their hair, they swear, they sing good songs, ect. Gimme a break!

It's so amusing (and yet annoying) how people stereotype homeschoolers to be skirt wearing, Velcro shoes tying, sweat pants buying, huge glasses peering, geeky brain working, social rejects.

We aren't.
Welll....some of them are. There are a few they I laugh softly at - out of pitty - because they are just so pathetic. But I feel for them - though I do make fun of them - and realize that its their parents that have made them that way.

But it gets a little frustrating sometimes to tell people I home schooled. *sigh* Just another point against me while I'm down here. I'm short. I'm a red head. I'm new. I was/am home schooled. And...I'm still in highschool. The first two aren't for real (lol. I made a joke about myself. Umm...hooray?). But its like...augh! I can't figure these people out.
Everywhere else I go, people like me. I have friends. I have someone to talk to and joke with, all the time. No matter where I am. I'm never the new kid. I'm the one who comes over and talks to the new kid and makes them hang out with us. Now I'm the new kid and...it sucks!

The director was all worried about me the other night. I was leaving and he was all "How are you?"
"Umm...fine?"
And he was sayin how he didn't know me very well and I was hard to read and I didn't have much to say or give very much feedback. What is there to say? He knows more about theatre than I do, so I'm not going to argue with him about stuff (except that 'Antipathy' line), and he hasn't really asked any questions while we're on stage, so there is no place for him to get feedback from. Personaly, I'm just elated to be in a stage with a director who knows what he's going, and a cast who doesn't completely suck! Sure, there have always been a few good people in all my other productions, but pretty much the entire cast rocks.

I'm rambling. But there isn't anything else to do. I came down the college early cause I made an apointment on IM to talk to my friend from Sweden (she is leaving for Egypt tomorrow. Crazy woman), but I said it would be 1:00 or so when I got on, and I didn't get here until 1:30, and I got here, and she wasn't on and so now I'm just waiting for play practice to start.

All these other things have happend, but I've told my Xanga, and my friends and my writen journal, so I'm kinda like "I just don't wanna talk about it any more."

My stomach has been really loud the past couple days. Seriously. It's like, constantly making noise! I was sitting in Comp II yesterday, and it was like "Bwwaaarrrk!" And I wasn't even hungry. What is with that?
Why am I telling you this? *laughs*

SixthLie. I forgot about the Hobbit Feet contest! Sorrryy...*cringes* I haven't found any people. Most people I know have normal lookin feet. I shall continue the search (that was started and stopped like, 2 days after the challenge).

*sighs* I should check emails and all that, and reply to them before I have to leave. And I need to find the bathroom....not that you needed to know that. But I thought I would let ya know.

Later
-Shell
p.s. Am running, so I haven't proof read this. Sorry its probly a little screwed up.

Confusing people need to first be whipped, then beaten, then burned alive, and lastly, starved to death.

2006-01-25T20:12:00.000-05:00

What the heck!

So, play practice went ok. Was a little boring today. And apparently, our director has some issues with some of the other people in theatre. There was a big ruckas and...I wasn't there for it! Me and Lindsi were running lines, and we came in after this meeting with theatre scholarship students (which we aren't in) and there was some kind of spat going on with the director and this other chick. Director is not someone I would want mad at me. He's such a drama queen as it is (in a good way) that it would be scary. Very scary.

Anyways. On with the "What the heck!"

So I'm driving home, and I saw this car go by with someone wearing a red hat and I thought "Hhmm...looks like Kate." I turn onto main street and pull up beside them at a stop light and I'm just kind of spacing out and then realize I'm like, staring at their car. I pull forward and then look over to the car again, it is Kate. And in the back is...someone. They are holding an upside down picture frame (with a picture in it) over their face. They did this for like, 8 blocks, until they pulled ahead. Then the picture frame came down...and it was Alex. I could tell by the back of his head (don't ask me why. Please. Even I don't know. I asked myself, and found no answer).

Why was there a picture frame there? I was like "What the heck! Was that meant to be rude or funny?"

So I pulled ahead of them, and glanced, and this time, there was no picture frame. Just Alex (as I had suspected) kind of leaning his arm out the window (which had not been down before). I did'nt wave or anything. Don't ask me why again. I seem to be rude to him far too often. I always feel really bad. I've been trying not to (Judah, you know my problem with rudeness to guys for no reason whatsoever. Explain to those who don't. Haha). I acted as if I hadn't seen him, and drove on.
So on down the highway, I'm truckin along at 75 and Kate's car is catching up. I'm like "Nope. Don't wanna see that picture again." So I speed up to like, 78 (oooo...78. *shocked eyes* Not). They had to be going 85 at least. And they zoom by me and Alex was holding the picture up beside his face and pointing at it and then at me, and laughing.

It was freakin funny. He like, turned around after they were past and kept nodding his head yes, and I was like "Nope." (while laughing hystericaly).

IT WAS SO RANDOM!! WHAT THE HECK!?!

I can't figure that kid out. Mariha and I agreed on that when he first started working here. We would come in while he was working (didn't even know his name then, we called him Page-Boy. This was before I got my job. More than a year ago), and we would sit there and discuss (not at length, but there were a lot of comments and small conversations) why this kid confused us so much. He simply has an air, or personality, that is confusing to me.
He still does. One day, we won't even speak to each other. I come in, he leaves. The next day, we sit there and chat about random stuff. Sometimes I get the feeling he's making a pass at me, and then its like, later, no, he wasn't. He wouldn't. It's just not him.

I ignor him, he ignors me. We kept it up for like, 2 weeks once. And then all the sudden, we were speaking again. There was no reason for the the silence, there was nothing that triggered the sudden conversation. It's so...odd. *sighs* People that I can't figure out are...arg! I can't figure Ryan or Chad out either. Kyle is pretty readable, but Ryan...dang it. Chad deserves a 'dang it' too, but no one is as bad as Alex.

I'm rambling. About people. About guys. Some one stop me now.

*hugs to all who deserve them...and...not to those who don't. If that made any sense...HA*

-Shell

Um...crap.

2006-01-24T12:14:00.000-05:00

*is a little sick, but will be ok*

Play practice yesterday. Went alright. I almost had a scene memorized, then Ryan and I got out on stage (I think thats his name...crap. Not sure.) and screwed it over. My acting is going horrible. Sure. We just got the script less than 48 hours ago. But that is no excuse!

I'm a little freaked out. I have a lot of lines. But I will survive! I think...

I have to kiss Chad three times, which is freakin me out a little. Oh dear heavens...thats going to be so weird. I don't even know the guy. Mariha was like "Dude, it would be worse if you did. What if you guys had been friends for a long time?" Ok. That would be worse. But still! *beats head against table* That isn't until Act II, so...maybe I can put it off and be sick that day. *laughs* Ha. No. I'm not that much of a coward, but I just hate being in a more nervous situation than I already am (working two jobs, finishing Highschool, doing college and being down at play practice every single day, as well as practicing for sword, is a little nerve wracking at times). I'm never going to talk about this again, except to tell you when my friends come and watch and they fall off their chairs laughing because they know I'm not comfortable kissing random people.

Anyways. I'm actually babysitting, and should be doing my job *slaps self* And memorizing lines! Carol followed me around work yesterday with my script and helped me run lines. *hugs Carol*

Later

-Shell

Fear. But why?

2006-01-21T13:42:00.000-05:00

*ahem* Please excuse the pure adrenaline and immaturity in that last post. *coughs* I don't really care what you think but...I shall be polite and apologize.

I want to see the cast list again and check who made what and if I know any of them. The only person I saw was Chad, and thats because his name was under mine. And he got the part of 'Ray'. Weird....totally weird. I have only met him a couple times, at the Coffee House with Chase and then another time with Brady, and he was kind of a jerk.

Rachel said "Oh! Wow! You'll have fun with that. He's great." when I told her who was casted as 'Ray'.

But I just didn't see that in him. Hope he is a jolly fellow though, otherwise, it'll be a little...uumm...yeah. Annoying. And will make me mad. Which will cause me to loose my temper. Which is never a decent thing to see. I end up with him at the conclusion of the play I think...and ugh! I just really don't know what I'm going to do. I do not have time to play a part like this, but I am taking it anyway. I despise the first week of practice. You don't know anyone, and they all look at you with looks of doom because you are new. I know the stage manager...Yay! But I dunno...its a little nerve wracking.

Yesterday at call-backs was the first time that I can ever remember being so nervous that my hand was shaking. NEVER happens. I don't get scared on stage. I am proud to say that my hand was the only thing that gave me away. Everything else was calm and cool and collected and perfect (heh), except my stupid hand. Maybe it was just because I was weak from...hunger? Yeah. I hadn't eaten hardly anything. I was simply physicaly weak! Nothing mental...well...ok. I lied. It was mental.

I DON'T WANNA GO TO READ THROUGH!! *sobs* ...its not that bad. But seriously...I'm a little freaked out. At least with Community Theatre I had a show that I was a minor supporting role in first. I got to know everyone and did the show with a whole bunch of my friends. Then I did 'Big', as the lead role, and it was ok. I knew people and I knew the director and what she would expect (not much) and...*Sigh* This is all...so...a little lonely for me. I don't know anyone there. I can get over that and work with it, but it just kinda sucks. Sure, I'll get to know people, and the Stage Manager and I get along well, but the cast...yeah...plus I'm 17. They are all at least 19-20's. Me and my underaged self.

My biggest fear I think is not being the reject there (not a new experiance, so not really a big fear), but not being able to hack it. Not being able to do the level of acting they expect of me. This is the highest level theatre I've ever done. I am terrified of that. Sure, I know I can act, but how well? I am no judge of myself, everyone has a different standard they hold people up to. So what will they expect, and am I able to reach it? And what happens if I can't?
I CAN! *hits head on table* I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....*starts laughing*

I'm getting a little too deep for a blog entry. lol...sorry if I'm scaring all you people who never hear me actually think about anything, or express any emotion besides anger or...embarassment (hehehe).

Weehee! Joel, Johnathan, Judah and Jason came down from Topeka this weekend (for like, 3 hours) and they are here visiting me! Actually...they are on the computers at the moment, but they came and I'm happy. There were hugs all around and jokes. How many people get hugged in a library? Heh. Not many, that I can tell you. I miss those guys. I lot. *hugs the previously mentioned people*

*sigh*

Later

-Shell

p.s. Its cold in here.

The Outcome of Doom....sort of.

2006-01-21T01:36:00.000-05:00

Sooo...story.

I left the computers after my last blogging (I blogged here about how I felt like an idiot, right? I think so...pretty sure...better have...I know I blogged at other blog) and went up to the cafeteria to wait for the cast list to be posted. I sat there, and then realized I had forgot a pencil, so I had brought all my homework for nothing. So I'm sitting there reading my math book (nothing better to do. Other actors who had tried out were hangin out and waiting to. There was one guy who was like, counting down the min and yelling it out how much longer we all had to wait) and this other guy comes along I've talked to before and asked what was up and I said not much, but I had no pencil. So he got me one and I felt better (um...not really. But I pretended too). He hands it to me, leaves and the other kids from the try outs get up and run for the office where the list was posted (that I still didn't know the whereabouts of), because the clock had struck 4:00.

I sit there and try to do homework...key word here: Try. Didn't happen. I finally throw down my pencil and shove my stuff in my backpack. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to know. As I'm shoving the last of my books in, a few of the group come back in and are all upset that they didn't make it. Not mad, just depressed. I sling on my backpack and head towards the door, when something stops me.

One of the guys looks at me and says "Hey! You made it!"

I stop and slowly turned to him. "What?"

"You made it!"

"I did?"

One of the other guys asks my name and I told him and he got kind of excited and was like "Yeah! You did!"

"Are you serious? Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"WHO?"

"Josie!"

"What...?"

I seriously thought they were joking. That they were mad that they hadn't made the cut, so were telling me this to just...I dunno...be mean or something. So I didn't even get excited, just asked where the cast list was posted. They told me...I had no clue where it was. So one of the them led the way across campus (walking very fast I might add. Even I, with my unusally quick strides do not walk that quickly), and into the building...down the hall...round the corner...see the other people...he points to my name on the wall. There is was. Across from Josie. My name.

"omg."

"Heeey! Congradulations!" The other people there wished me well and congrats and all that. I met the stage manager whom I had went on the mission trip to Mexico with like, 5 years ago, but coudn't remember where I knew her from during try outs so I didn't really say anything cause I wasn't sure that I knew her.

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!

I GOT THE PART!!!!

I really got it!! I did I did I did I did I did!!

I! The lowley senior in highschool, got the part! The lead! In a college play! A college with a good drama program, that had plenty of talent and experianced actors. I do have experiance, with lead roles even, but I'm not as old as they are. I'm not as...seasoned as they are. I'm a lot younger than they are. My parents still have to sign release forms for me! And...I made the cut.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!! *is so happy and...oh...happy*

So I freaked out a little...ok...a lot. And yeah...

Rachel and I went and saw Tristan and Isold tonight. VERY good movie. I cried, but thats not suprising. Today...except for those few hours of agonizing embarassment....has been very very very good.

*hugs to all*

Later

-Shell

Idiot hits head IDIOT!

2006-01-20T15:28:00.000-05:00

I feel like a flammin idiot. I really do. What the heck. I just...augh! I feel SO INCREDIBLY...*hits head on table* Haven't felt this dumb in a long time.

So I came to class this morning and my teacher (who is the play director) says to me "Did you see your name on the call-back list?""Nope. Haven't checked."

I thought he meant, it was on the call-back list. I don't even know where the office is that they posted it! So...I came to call-backs. I don't think I was supposed to be there. *Cannot believe how incredibly stupid she is* What...the heck...omg...I feel...stupid. And I'm wasting my afternoon here. I don't wanna tell mum and dad cause they were so excited that I got called-back. They were like, really excited. And I was. And there was no reason to be. Now...AUGH!! I don't even know what to say. Before, I couldn't even think about homework cause I was so excited. Now I can't because I feel like a complete...twit.

Whatever. They let me read again and all, and I did a fairly good job and I wasn't ashamed of my acting. My hands were shaking when I was up there. They never do that! Thats why I hate script holding. Get it memorized as quickly as possible. I didn't even get to watch anyone else try out. I tried out first as the lead role, with a supporting role, and then they stuck the same supporting role up there except with someone else, and then I was done.

I AM A FOOL.

AUGH!!!! *is screaming inside her head*

And I have to remember a childhood story that influenced me, and give a presentation on Monday about it. And I have to find the Arts Office and check on the door to see if I was called back. What the heck man...what the heck.

-Shell

I deserve doom and destruction

2006-01-18T09:41:00.000-05:00

We had a SWEET weekend. Well, I did. Me, Amanda, Beth and Tristin (and Beth's sister in law who is I think like, 13) got together and hung out and watched 'Brothers Grimm' (WEIRD movie. Very weird), and ate pizza and chocolate and ice cream and food and drank tons of pop and laughed hystericaly about a lot of things and talked about boys and all that jazz. It was really a good good good good time. We need to do it more often. Since Beths married, Mariha's engaged, Amanda is going to be and Tristin and I work 2 jobs, it gets a little difficult to find time. We planned this like, 3 weeks in advance. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!! And the 4 pounds I gained....lol

I feel like a horrible person. I am a horrible person. I really am.

So after sword, I was on my way to Beth's. In a hurry cause I'd stayed late because I needed to talk to my instructors about uniforms and tournaments and all that. So I leave, and Sean leaves and Justin was there in the parking lot for some reason, and he left too. Sean is on his motorcycle and like, zooms in front of me and Justin is behind me. Sean and I turn on the same street, as does Justin. We're truckin along at, oh 35 mph and suddenly, Sean lays his bike over. Which means he crashed. Not head long into something, but he lost balance and his bike goes skidding over.

I am on my way to hang out with the girls, I'm already slightly annoyed at Sean and Justin because Sean cut in front of me really sharply and I almost hit him, and Justin was driving really close behind me. So I slow down (don't even stop) and ask "Did you need something?" Thinking that they had been following me because they needed to ask me something.

Sean looks at me rather odly and then says "Uhh...no...thats the first time I've ever-"

"Ok. Gotta go." And I step on the gas and drive away! Seriously!! WHAT KIND OF HUMAN BEING DOES THAT?!??!! He could have been bleeding to death or something! Broke a bone and just hadn't felt it yet! Anything! And all I have to say is "Did you need something?" And I drove away! While he was still speaking!

I am a horrible person. I went to Beths and we were all talking and she was like "Shell, Dave thinks you hate him." Dave is Beths husband.

"What?"

"He's like "I think she hates me." because you never talk to him and all you say is "Hi." and I was like 'Honey, thats just Shell" but he doesn't think so."

"I don't hate him! Dave is GREAT! I was so happy you found such a perfect guy! He was fully approved! I like him!"

"Ok...I thought so. He just didn't think so."

And they spent 10 min yelling at me because I so mean to guys. I was like "Can't a decent, non-freaky, good looking guy MY AGE like me for once? FOR ONCE?!??!" And they freaked out on me about how mean I am to guys who would even think about coming near me.

Mariha was like "You like, glare at them! You give them looks of death if they even smile at you in the wrong way! What is wrong with you?!?!?"

*sighs* *kind of wants to cry* Sometimes I amaze myself. I am a horrible person. Not always, not to everyone, but there are moments when I wonder if I even posses a heart. HE COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! AND I DROVE AWAY!! Never asked if he was ok, if his motorcycle was ok, if he needed help, or even listened to his entire sentance!! *hits head repeatedly on desk* I deserve punishment. Karma (if I believed in it and it existed) would do some bad things to me.

*AHEM* Um...I'm not as depressed and suicidal as I sound. Really. In fact, I am doin alright. Except for the horrible feeling I get when I think about Saturday night before the party. Otherwise, I'm ok and am rambling on and on. And....uumm...wow....*AHEM AGAIN* A guy just came in...sorry guys who are reading this. It was just a "Um. Wow." moment. Am back on earth now. Am doing ok!

OMG! I DID IT AGAIN! He was being nice and tipped his hat (he was a cowboy. Rarely are they even remotly good looking but he really was) and smiled and I gave him a frosty grimace! It was a smile...sort of... but fake and...not warm and...*hits head on table* Mariha is right. I am a cruel woman who deserves to spend her days in misery.

Farewell

-Shell
P.S. Plus, I saw Sean Sunday and his arm was all wrapped cause he screwed it up when he fell. If he can't take sword next week because his arm won't move, I think I'm going to have to find a priest and confess. *sigh* Horrible person...horrible person...horrible person...

Heh...cheating...

2006-01-14T01:24:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to copy and paste my XANGA entry for the day to here! Bwahahaha!! Saves time...heh...heh...heh....I'll omit a few things (notes to people on Xanga) but I shall still be cheating! Hooray!!! Go to
http://www.xanga.com/TheLandofHobbiton
for full details....heh...heh...heh...

XANGA ENTRY
___________________

*ahem* Sorry about the last post. It was reallllyy late at night and me and Micah and Anne were just talking and I said that and I about fell on the floor laughing. Dunno if anyone else even found it remotly humorus, but for some reason, I did. I could just see Hobbits as little tribal people with tomahaws and....oh man...sorry....I know that isn't really funny, but...it just was. *bows in respect of your non-humorous senses*

NOTE: I posted my last post on Xanga as well as Blogger. Yes. I'm a cheatin buccaneer! That is so not how you spell that...

Went to a volleyball tournament tonight to watch Anne's team. But got there after they were done playing. Was mad about that. Had to pay $2 to go to a game I didn't even come to watch. Stupid....stupid...stupid....Shell....augh! But they play again in the morning and so...I'm going again. And I signed up for a library card at another library. I've never done that. Don't laugh at me! I'm serious! I love my library! And this library has shelves that I can't reach. Like, the top shelf: Too high. It's hysterical. We were laughing about it at work. Like it should say on the add when they are hiring "Must be at least 5'4 to apply". They should have a little height stick like at amusement parks! AHAHAHA!! That would be hysterical!

Then I went to Rachel's (after I left the tournament) and Micah, Rachel, Allen, Jacob, Andrew and I watched 'Taxi', and that was pretty funny. I had seen it before. But then when we left, I wanted to drive like a crazy woman (moreso than normal), so we simply drove around for a while, taking corners at high speeds....and stuff lke that. *ahem* Dun tell mum and dad, kay? *points sword at them* You better not....
And I got my books for college today! Howling cows! $124 and 96 cents! THREE BOOKS!! Come one people!! I can buy 5 hard back books for that!! And they would be books I'd actually want to read! Who wants to read a text book??? No one!! I hardly even touched my text book last semester! But I knew everything they had to say last semester. I was like, acting like a gifted child or something, it was so easy. Like "Done you homework, Shell?" "Who cares? I'll do it an hour before class. It's simple." Some of it really did take a lot of time, but nothing was hard. I got the lowest grade on a paper because I had no time to do it cause it was opening week of the musical that it was due and I just kinda threw words together. I got another chance to do it and got an A. Simple stuff here. Maybe they'll actually teach me something this time. Hhmm....dunno.
College kids are so lazy. I would sit there in class and they would be like "Man! This is some messed up #%$@! I never had to do work like this in highschool! What the &#$% is wrong with this teacher!! What are we supposed to be?? A *^@$% genious?"
I'm like "Dude....she just told you how to do it. Twice. She read it FOR you! It's sitting there on the page! You have her email, phone #, and fax # that she gave you so you can ask her all the stupid questions you need to! As well as a text book that has the answers to everything! What more do you want?"
And they would whine and cry over...nothing. Like, we had one class a week for Comp (english), and she would give us homework. A week to do it. And most of the time, the homework was pretty simple stuff. And they wouldn't have it! They didn't do it!
They're like "That was some hard *+&^%$=!"
WHATever! Try homeschoolin buddy....try homeschoolin... THEN they would ask to copy off my paper. I'm not even kidding!! They would!! I was kinda really shocked!! I sat down and there were people who would be like "Did you do the homework?"
"Yeah."
"Can I copy off yours?"
What the heck!! You are an adult!! I'm still in highschool!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!! *can't even draw her sword because she is so in shock*
LOL. I'm just belly achin now. Do people even say that anymore? Hehehehe....needa sleep now....
Later
-Shell

Hobbits

2006-01-13T00:35:00.000-05:00

Hobbits will rule the world one day. With a statue of Tolkien as their god. Of course, they will be struck down for such blasphemy, but they will still rule!
*Stabs you with the hobbit sword of doom*
-Shell

Shut up! Heeeheeeeeeeeeee

2006-01-12T17:35:00.000-05:00

Koryo Gum Do.

A Samurai sword fighting class. Watch 'The Last Samurai', and how they fight with thier wooden swords, thats what I'm learning to do. I recommend the movie anyway, even if you don't like sword fighting. Tom Cruise actually did a fairly good job in that movie...*claps loudly* It's pretty sweet...and its one of the few places I've ever found in this world where I can totally relax. Not relax...it's relaxing while working your butt off. I'm not sure how to describe it....tranquility...or peace...or something. Just the atmosphere of discipline and almost like your hangin out with your family, cause you do all sorts of moves and at first you sometimes look like an idiot, but it doesn't really matter. Usually...there are days...lol.

About the crap talking of people...understood. I was thinking of it in a different way. Sorry.

*sigh* I have a head ache and I want a drink. Ahahahaha!!! I just had an adult tell me to "SHUT UP!!" In like, a teenage tone, but she is a mother! Wehehhehehehehehe! Thats funny stuff! Its my mom and her friend talking and I was like "You guys are so old!" And moms friend turns to me and goes "Shut up!"
*ahem* Sorryy...It was just really really really amusing. *chuckles*
Later
-Shell

More shortness...

2006-01-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

Sixth Lie. I do not crap on people. Usually....I do sometimes, but I simply see no need for it. Why would I want to bring down someone? I know how it feels when people do that to me. No matter how much I say I don't care, in reality, it actually sucks. So why would I give that feeling to anyone else? Or strive to do so?

Ah yeah. Not much has happened. You know, normal stuff. Except we have a Koryo Gum Do tournament in Feb and I never sent in my stuff to he National Federation and my instructor is going to KILL me for that. I'm afriad. We had a good Bible study tonight. Theyv'e actually been good for the past 2 weeks. I'm enjoying them for reals. *nods*

I gotta go though.
Later
-Shell

Bring it...

2006-01-07T15:14:00.001-05:00

First off...I accept your challenge! Sixth Lie, next time you visit the fair mid-west of the United Sates, let me know and we'll have a soccer match. I don't know if I could beat you, but I accept the challenge!

Augh! Small brother just fell from high heights and is crying! Must go carry him inside.

Ok. Small brother is alright. He has the most scars and stuff of any kid in the family and he is like, 5! I need to call Carol. Hhhmm....shall finish blogging and then call Carol. She's blogging too so we don't have much to say right now. Not that I have much to blog about....

Umm...lets see...I was sick on Thursday, which was FUN! Not...and I'm grounded for being home so late from the New Years Eve party. Which wasn't all that fun *sigh* But I was tired and Rachel was the only person to hang out with and Sean and Justin were being a little different than usual so the only person who really talked to me besides Rachel and of course, siblings, was David. And I always feel a little weird talking to him. He's a great guy and easy to talk to, but I work with his girlfriend and she could kill me if she ever thought that I was a threat. I'm not, but if she ever thought I was...well...death!

*sigh* I need to call Dad and make sure its ok to go do stuff with the group tonight. Then need to call Casey and Jacob and Carol...and what the heck! I told Jacob 3 times yesterday that I will not go see 'Fun with Dick and Jane' because it looks stupid. Why would I PAY to go see a stupid movie? I WOULDN'T!!! Augh...

Later
-Shell

Painful, but speedy post

2006-01-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Apparently I popped a blood vesel in my finger and thumb (at the bottom knuckles, where you move your finger and thumb. Yay. Pointer finger too. Hate. I swirling vortex of hate is being felt towards volleyball). My sisters team was at the house practicing in the front yard (dad set her up a net and chalked a field and everything...bugger....sure, he set us up a full size soccer goal too, but I resent the sudden presance of a volleyball field in the middle of my soccer field) and Tristin (friend of mine, older sister of a player on the team) was helping coach and I came out to watch. She (Tristin) yells at me to get on some shorts and come help her. So I did. I helped yell at the girls, and run drills....and filled in when the groups were a person short.

I don't play volleyball. I don't know how, never have, and don't really have a desire to ever excell in that horrible sport. It isn't painful to play soccer. Well....sure it is. You have leg pain of all kinds, and I have a shoulder and back that isn't in the right place at the moment from a soccer match the other day in which I was sprinting and was tripped (legally. Which is just sad) and fell all kinda wrong because it's a little hard to catch yourself when your truckin along at top speed, ya know? But volleyball....that is a very painful sport.

I have bruises on my arms and hands and two popped blood vesels....which cause sweet looking bruises (good thing), but pain in the limbs and the innability to not whimper when someone shakes your hand. Bad stuff here people....

So, New Years Eve was a little boring. Ok...pretty darned. Though there was one VERY good looking fellow there. By the name of Michael. *nods* That was...unexpected. Sean needs a little help in the party throwing area. Poor thing...

I gotta go.
Later
-Shell

Twill be short, but yet the same randomnivity you have come to expect

2005-12-28T18:46:00.000-05:00

Ah yes...Christmas.
It was indeed a jolly time. I'm not feeling the need to post anything that actually matters at this...

OMG!!! *IS LAUGHING HYSTERICALY*
WHAT THE HECK!!!!! NO FREAKIN WAY!!!!

Somebody just called and was like "How late are you open?"
And I told them "We're open until..." bla bla bla, weekends, weekdays and all that.
"Is it ok if I bring a pillow to sit on?"
"I'm sure it is."
"My mom caught me smoking today. I'll be sitting on a pillow for a long time."
"Umm....great. You have a nice day."

OMG!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FUNNY THAT WAS!!!! I called Nicole over from the computers and we just DIED laughing!!! I have never had to answer a prank call here before. I know it was someone being stupid. But it was funny as heck.

Aaahhhh yesss....I think that will do for my post today.

Later

*walks away still sniggering*

-Shell

It's snowing! Hoozah!

2005-12-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

*dances around* I woke up at like 5:00 this morning to put my laundry in the dryer and I looked out and said "Wow. The moon is really weirdly bright tonight. It looks like it snowed."
I woke up at 8:00 and lo-and-behold! It wasn't the moon! It really had snowed! I love snow...except I was late to work. But! All is well.
Except I'm starving. I always eat breakfast and I didn't causeI left late and didn't even have time to run and get coffee before I came. Now, we do have a coffee pot and all that here (Give me one business that doesn't have a coffee pot in the break room), but I want food AND coffee. Not just coffee! Argg....Shell has not had morning coffee yet...which is bad...I WILL RIP YOU ALL TO PIECES!!!!
*AHEM*
Sorry...

We went and saw King Kong last night. It was good. Except the most beautiful moment was interupted by Sean and Justin laughing and talking about something. I was like "Shut up!" And flailed around and finally grabbed Rachels straw and threw it at them. And they stopped. But it didn't matter because the moment was no more. Buggers...
There were some really disgusting parts (We all know Peter Jackson though) and there was one part I didn't even watch (involving bugs and slugs of gigantic size that ate people whole and while they were alive) and I am now an Adrian Brody fan, as well as a fan of whomever played the Captain of the ship. He was fantastic. There were a few "Indianna Jones" Moments though. Hysterical.
More people have come. Why are you here? Its snowing! Oh...its them. They are nice people and I will allow them to enter. Not that I have any power anyways....but I like to think so. Like those kids I let in before I was supposed to because they looked like they were freezing to death. Elaine siad that they were here at 9:00, waiting. I felt really bad for them, so I told them they had to help be run errands before they could act like normal patrons.
And omg! That is the cutest baby ever! Why is that little kid taking care of him, and not his mother. Crazy woman! The kid is like, 10! And that baby is pretty big. But cute! I would take care of the baby for them!! *Smiles* I love babies. Sometimes...if I can give them back when they get mad or hungry or whatever. Which would make having my own children a little difficult, because once they are there...there aint no giving them back. Darn it...
Awww...the kid is crying! No wonder! Pay attention to him boy! Actually...the mother really should be doing something about that. Is she?? NO! Slacker! You are the only people here who have heard that kid cry so many times you can block out the sound! The rest of us...well...we can't. HELP YOUR CHILD!!
Ssssooo...what has happened that I haven't told you. Aha! She took her child and is holding it now! Good woman!
*chuckles*
We have our christmas program tomorrow night. Yay. Something bad always happens at our chirstmas programs. If not on the stage, backstage. Something very weird and occasionaly life changing always happens. I don't remember what it was last year, but something did happen. And it was weird. The last life changing thing was when I found out Emily and Dustin were dating and I had the biggest crush ever on Dustin and I saw them holding hands and I was crushed that one of my friends would go out with the guy I liked. Not that she knew I liked him, but I didn't see it that way at 9 years old.
Did I tell you that I graduated with an A this semester? Am very very very happy about that. Hooray! I still have to enroll for next semester though. Why? Why do I do this to myself? It's going to cost more money now! And that...that is a bad thing! *sniffles* Dang it!!! I don't even know what classes to take. And sugestions?!?!? I can't take math yet (haven't graduated from high school and don't qualify for college math yet. Not suprising seeing as I flunked 9th grade math. And have a C in math this year. Go Shell. Not. Its the only subject I really suck at), and I dunno if I have to take World Civ or stuff like that unless I'm majoring in something like that. I don't want to take classes that I have to take for my major yet. I want to do that all at the same time so I can ya know, take it all in! I know, that is probly a bad idea. But there aren't that many classes for a drama major.

I'm rambling about well...nothing. I don't have anything to say! So why am I still here?
AHAHA!!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!! But should I...? Maybe...

Ok. If you don't like stories that don't give you all the details and you probly won't understand them, please move onward with your day and leave this blog immidiately. For I am about to tell you snippets of a tale in which I play a key role - though not the main one- and for playing that role, I have been sentanced to a terrible doom.

You have heard of Mariha. My cousin/Bestest friend I've ever had (and maybe ever will. I would say that we are soul friends. Really. I used to laugh at Anne of Green Gables when Diana would say that, but now, I don't because I have a friend like that) and greatest person in this world. Most likely to become either first woman president, the next mother Tersea, or marry a rich and handsome prince (possibly all three). She is a lovely person (both in deed and in apearance) who has had a rather difficult life. Many heartbreaks and troubles have come her way in life, but she bears it all without a qualm. Mariha also doesn't like others to see her pain, so she hides it away and none of us even know about it unless...I don't know. She tells us. I believe I am the only person (besides her boyfriend [and ex's]) who know the true sorrow of this womans life.

She has a tangled relationship with her parents in which she is being emotionaly screwed over really bad. She has come of age this past October, and is now legally free to do as she will. Yet, her parents hold her under their thumb and treat her as if she is oh...12 or 13. Demanding to know where she is going, when she will get back, who will be there and what we will be doing. That is understandable interrogation (though a little oppressive) for a young teenager who is prone to evil and deviouse ways (and if they are very evil, they will just lie and you will never know, so whats the use?). But for an 18 year old woman, that is a little extreme in my mind.

Mariha has met a wonderful and amazing man who would give her the world if she only asked (sadly, he is not a prince. Yet...we could make it that way I'm sure. All one needs is the mafia, rulers who need money, and a very manipulative American of high status who is also willing to hire themselves out), but the parents did not pick him out for her, so he is not approved. Now here is where you won't get some of the story. There is a reason I say "They didn't pick him out..." but I don't have time to explain that statement, so you'll never know, will you?
This wonderful person (Mariha) at last decided that it was too much for her to take at home and moved out...unexpectedly while her parents where gone. They had told her she could not move out with their permission and made all sorts of threats and things that would happen if she did. But, her faithful friends encouraged her to make her own way in this world, and so one day she called me and said "Do you want to help me move out tonight?"
"They are letting you go??!?!"
"Umm...not exactly. I'm leaving. But I can't take Dad's truck because its not mine and they could call me for stealing. Could we use your van?"
"Of course!"

I arrived at her house that fatefull evening, helped her haul all of her things to my vehicle (while holding one of their 4 phones in my pocket to keep it safe from her medelsome brother who was attemping to call Mariha's parents and tell them what was happening. Fortunately, Mariha saw that coming and hid all of the phones even before I arrived), and we drove away.
Her boyfriends parents had offered to take her in until she got the paperwork done for the apartment. I took her there, unloaded all of her things and went on my merry way to do and go to the places I had told my parents I would be doing and going that evening.
I arrived home to great furry on my parents part. Mariha's father had called and said his son told him that Mariha was at my house. My parents knew nothing at the escape, nor my involvement, so they pleaded innocent until proven guilty. I was questioned as to wether Mariha was coming to our house (they had said she could if she ever needed to. Mum and Dad were just mad that I hadn't told them about it first), and I said no. They asked where she was I said she was safe and had people around her who would take care of her.
Dad called Mariha's father back (My Uncle. His brother. Very interesting situation) and said "Sorry. She's not here."
"Where is she??"
"I don't know. Shell wouldn't say."
SUCKERS!!!
The next day, after having thought about it, my mum proceeded to tell me that she wished she had had friends like me when she was Mariha's age (seeing as her parents treated her in a bit of the same fashion).
Mariha went to the concert with me and that was the last I heard of her.
You must understand something about us. We don't call every day or anything, but there is contact of some kind, about everyother day. Emails, phone calls, ect. I had heard nothing from her since Friday night. Wednesday came and still I hadn't heard one word from my illusive cousin. So I emailed her and asked if everything was alright.
She emails back saying that she is in Minnasota, please don't kill her, and she is very sorry.
I emailed a heated reply in which I demanded to know why, when, and why she didn't call me.
Now. Lets skip back a few weeks to the conversation in which she told me that her parents were forcing her to go to Minnasota to live with her mothers brother, wife, and three kids for the next six months. Which would mean she misses her 2 freshman semester in college, my graduation, possibly Amanda getting married, and all sorts of thigns like that. Not to mention that our band dies, as does Coffee Questions, as does our inseperable friendship. We have always known we couldn't stay the bestest of friends forever, but we had at least thought we would see each other through college. Instead, she leaves to the Northern parts even before I leave highscool.
I said that her parents couldn't 'make her' do anything. She was legally an adult. She can do whatever she wants now. Just move out and that would be the end of it.
That was a big reason that she decided to move out. And I was proud that she stood up to her parents extreme-ism and did as she pleased. I also said "They will find you. And they will do whatever it takes to get you to come back home, or go to Minnasota. Manipulate, threaten, cry, make you feel guilty, anything. Just call one of us if this happens. We will help you through it."
Apparently, I was right. And she didn't call anyone for help. She simply left. I don't know why, or when, or anything. She emailed me back after my anger filled email and said she was sorry, and that her boyfriend might be coming to get her on Monday. Ha! The underestmating-ness of parents power over her again. She would have to move out of the country to get them to leave her alone. But no matter! She gave me her uncles phone number and said to call.
I called. At soon as I got the number. It was 11:00 at night, and I didn't care. I still called.
Her Uncle answered the phone and said "Who is this?"
"Shell."
"Oh...well...she...uh...can't come to the phone."
"Why not?"
"She in bed."
"Really? Already?"
"Yup."
"Umm...ok. Can you please have her call me in the morning?"
"Uhhmm....weeelll..."
"Thank you! Goodnight!"

My Aunt (Mariha's mother) calls my mother the next morning and proceeds to order her to order me to never call Mariha again. Mariha is not to have any contact from her friends here in Kansas. Not to have any contact with anyone here except her parents.
Woops. My bad. I should call and apologize for attempting to contact my friend. NOT! *ahem* Sorry. Spoilt teenager moment there.

So that is the story. Because of my involvment with the situation, I am no longer 'allowed' to speak to Mariha. And neither is anyone else. She is being help captive in Minnasota by her relatives. I feel like I'm looking at an extremist terrorist group here! She is an adult! Legally, they can't forbid her from doing anything whatsoever.
Now. We could all look at this from Seans point of veiw "Maybe it's good. It always works out for good in the end. You should obey your parents." Sure. I agree. Everything does work out. And you should obey your parents...until you are mature enough, and the law allows you to, do as you will with your life. Parents have to let their children go. And once they are of legal age, they decide to leave, that is the childs choice.

Ah. I've talked long enough and the clerk is back. I shall bid you a farwell. If you have an opinion of any kind concerning this story or anything else I have mention, feel free to comment.
Later
-Shell

singing Again....agaaaaiiinnn...singing

2005-12-13T22:05:00.000-05:00

Again.
Here I am again.
With nothing to say again.
And doing nothing again.
With no one in here again.
At the college again.
Finished with finals...well...not again.
And wondering if security is going to kick me out again.

You know. I have something to tell you all. But I don't want to. Carol, you understand that if I say this, you must never bring it up. Ever. To anyone. Especialy anyone besides me. Simply because I'm not supposed to know, therefor, you are REALLY not supposed to know.

I want chocolate.
Thats not what I was going to say, I just thought I'd mention it.
I'm going to get some chocolate. And no one can stop me. Aha!!

Have chocolate. Am happy.

On with the tale that must be told! Simply because it is amazingly disturbing.

So. Little brother Micah and Amanda's little brother (and mine too, in every way but blood) Allen are friends with Sean and Justin (certain friends of mine whom you have heard much about). The four of them hang out occasionaly, and talk and chat about "things of earth and lore". So the other night, Sean took Micah home from soccer because I couldn't ever find them because I was a little late to the meeting place and they left on time.

So I see little brother and I ask "Who took you home?"
"Allen. But Sean and Justin followed us home and we've been out there talking for probly and hour."
"Really. What about?"
"Things of earth and lore."
"Uh hu...WHAT ABOUT YOU LITTLE PUNK?!?!"
"Can't tell you."
"You should at least make something up so I'm not going crazy over here. I hate not knowing! Tell me!"
"Can't. I would die."
"Come on."
"No!"
"Fine. Just tell me if it had anything to do with me."
"It did."
"What?!?!?!? TELL ME!! I WILL KILL!!"
"Umm....ok fine. You can't tell anyone! You can't act any different around the guys. You can't ever mention it to them. Nothing!"
"Fine. Not like it'll be a big deal. I don't think anything that have to say could suprise me anymore."
"Oh yes it could...."
"TELL!"
"Ok! So....Sean and Justin asked what Allen and I would think about one of them dating you."
"WHAT?!??! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!! No...your being a crap head."
"No! I'm not! I'm serious! They wanted to know!"
"WHAT THE BADWORD! Why the heck would they wanna know that?...what did you say??"
"Not tellin. I never said I would tell what we said, only what they said."
"They really asked what you would think if one of them dated me?"
"Yes. They really did."
"Omg...."
And not a good 'omg'. A very bad 'omg'.
What the heck!! I've been friends with these guys! I've known them since...forever! We haven't always been friends, but one thing I really liked about being friends with them was the fact that neither of them ever acted like stupid normal guys. Sure, I'm pretty sure Justin had a crush on me for a while, but asking out...for bricks and mortors sakes! We just had a huge conversation during Coffee Questions about why Mariha has a boyfriend and I don't and why both of them were still single.
Sean and I's (I's....is that a word?) answer was "No time." Justin was pretty much "Well...I just don't."
Why would they ask? Why in heck would they ask?!?!??!!? Was it Justin? Was it Sean? Was it both of them wanting to know?
If it was Justin, its just because he wants a girl. He said so. And of course, there I am, non-threatening, available, and a complete and total hottie (ha on that last one, but ya know.)
It was Sean, its because Mariha said that the reason I have no boyfriend is because no guy is good enough for me, so I reject them all. In fact, I hardly ever give them a chance to ask. And he would want to prove that he could get me to go out with him (like Trevor did). Its a load of crap either way because they both know I don't want a boyfriend until after college. I have no time! I hardly have time to hang with my girlfriends, let alone a boyfriend. Whatever...I'm just mad about it all right now. AUGH!!! I just will never see either of them in the same light again.
WHY!?!?!? WHY ME?!?!? WHY NOW??!?!?! WHY THEM?!!?!?!?

SOMEONE GIVE ME ANSWERS HERE!!!!

(yes. Thats my unanswerable question for the post. Though apparently Sithlie found my last unanswerable question answerable...butt head...)

Later
-Shell

Why must life always be so complicated?

2005-12-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

Augh! Whys life always just have to suck?? And why can't people just be attracted to one person, and those two people are only attracted to each other? And no one else. So there would never be any heartbreak or relational complications. Just a random question Mariha and I have been disscussing lately. I think I'm going to begin inserting random and non-answerable questions into my blog. Hooray!!

Augh! I really hope that Sean didn't see where my blog was. He's standing there at the counter talking and occasionaly staring at the screen. Stupid Shell didn't think to put it down. *pokes self in eye. And isn't wearing glasses today, so there is no eye-poking protection* Why why why?? I would die if he or Justin ever read it. DIE! Not that I have anything that they can't see...wait...maybe....oh badword. I probly do. COME ON PEOPLE!! It's like reading someones journal! I don't mind so much if some people read it (Carol, Sixth O' Clock News, and those such people), but others...it would just be really...bad. Oh yeah. REEEEALLY Bad. I notice that I seem to come back to the subject rather often. You know, if anyone but the two named above read my blog but I don't know it. Is there a record somewhere of how many hits your blog gets? I know it keeps a record of profile visits, but actual blog visits...hmm....should ask someone who knows. But who knows?

Is there anything to talk about? No. Not really. I just updated yesterday (at work) and not its today and I'm updating (at work again) and I don't have any idea why I'm here...

Aha! I need to kill Brandon. Anyone interested in helping me? Ok! Join! I have my trusty boken and I will slaughter the people! KILL THEM ALL I SAY!!! *ahem* Actually, only Brandon. And sort of Amanda. But not really Amanda. More Brandon than anything. Whatever. Why do I even care? I don't even tech. know the guy! I've only emailed him and chatted and phoned for like, a month! Does that mean I can get angry when communication on his part suddenly seems to drop off? No. I shouldn't. Anyone else could do the same and I wouldn't care...but I see everyone else. Say that Mariha didn't email, chat or call for days on end. Would I care? No. I would hunt her down. Say it was one of my guy friends? Nope. I would say "They must be busy" and then if I really needed them, I would send messages through other people, or simply hunt them down. But with Brandon, there is no hunting him down or sending messages (except through Ethan. And I don't talk to Ethan) so...I'm whining again. WHY???
That means I have to leave! I have promised I would stop whining, and here I am, whining. And I have decided when that happens, I will punish myself by ending my blogging session. *sighs and sniffles a little*

Later

-Shell

Concertnesss

2005-12-11T16:39:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to tell you about that concert! What the heck is my problem??? AUGH!!
So...this weekend was this huge concert and I conviced a few people to go with me (Mariha, Micah, Sean, Dan, Nichole, Johnathan and Judah [but they drove themselves. Darn Tulsa people...], and Rachel was going to come then couldn't and then Ivy and Amber were there...it was crazy.) and...well...yeah. I don't have much to say about it except that it was freakin awesome! Plus I got to help crowd surf the lead singer of the main band. Hooray! And then we all went for IHOP afterwards and one of the bands showed up and the guys got to talk to their singer because he was in the bathroom while they were. Buggers...Augh!

And Sean tried to drive off with my van again. I went in to look for Johnathans mom and Sean got the keys from Nikki and got in the drivers seat and was driving. And my fingers really hurt from trying to get the keys away. People with really strong grips need to die...and everyone was making fun of my driving the whole way up there. It was funny though. I think they were occasionaly half serious, but it didn't really matter.

So on the way home I was totally dead tired and wanted to die from lack of sleep and its like, farm country and everyone is asleep except Dan and Nikki. But Nikki was in the far back. Sean was sitting up front so I thought "Hey, he usually talks, so I'll stay awake." But no! He had to fall asleep as well. I was dying trying not to fall asleep. It was seriously dangerouse. Sean started snoring for a while which for some reason was highly amusing and I was awake for a couple min. there, but then he stopped and...oh man. Not good times. Dan finally realized I was hardly staying awake and was like "Hey, you awake up there?" And made small talk for a while. That was nice. I totally approve of him (he's Mariha's guy) and he is the second guy in the entire world to be approved without any doubts whatsoever. The first was my sisters husband *nods to Craig to re-enforce approval* *pats Dan on the head in approval* And he earned extra points for even noticing that I was tired and then for keeping me awake and being nice about it and not like some guys who would be all "Why don't you let me drive." Deff. a super guy. *gives her blessing through the blog to Mariha and Dan. Not that they need it again or anything, since they have been told before, but it still needs posted. You know.*

Sooo...yeah...great concert, great times with friends, really funny memories. I have to say it was probly the best time I've had since...I dunno. Amber's going away party I suppose. And I dunno...it might have been even funner. Ha. I just said Funner. Is not a word. Should be.

Later
-Shell

Chronicles of Narnia

2005-12-11T14:48:00.000-05:00

Ahahaha!! AMAZING!!

I love love love love loved it. They did a really fab. job of creating that book to a movie. NOT as well as LoTR, but then, who has?
There was those few moments when LoTR was really really apparent in there though. Like when they are all running away and they hid under an overhang by the road and the person comes up and you can see their shadow and...wow...it was the hobbits and the blackrider all over again. Plus there was the moment when Susan shoots that stupid dwarf and he gives this girly scream and falls over. Rachel and I laughed SO freakin hard. Seriously. I don't even know what happened for at least a min. after that because we were laughing hystericaly.

"Augh!" *laughs some more*

It was good though. Peter is really cute (is that word? He's not exactly hot, but he's...I dunno...stil adorable) and Tumnis...if it weren't for the weird lookin nose! They did a really good job casting him. He did such a good job. Except that we were all laughing when he came to the crowning and he's still just wearing a scarf. And he pulls her handkerchief out of the scarf!!! And he had it with him the whole time! *sniggers some more*
All in all, it was a good movie and worth the money. I just wish I hadn't had the worst headache I've had in months that night. I couldn't even believe how crappy I felt. The need to sleep, hit my head against the wall, throw up, and scream in pain, all at the same time. Then Sean and Justin followed Micah and I for a while and ended up giving Micah a ride home and then they wanted to talk to me about the Christmas play and it was freezing and I really needed to throw up...I just wanted to pick up the tree stand that was sitting out by the garage and throw it at their car. WHY WOULD THEY TORCHER ME LIKE THAT??!?!? I already had to go pack and sleep at my sisters cause I had to babysit...it was evil. I really want to hold a grudge. And they KNEW I felt like crap! I came out and Justin was like "You don't look so good..." And Micah had told them and...COME ONE PEOPLE!! *sniffles* Why? Why me? Why did it have to be then?

I've got to stop whining. It all over now and I feel better and it was more than 12 hours ago...how often do I hold grudges longer than 12 hours? Not that often. I'm just rambling again. For no reason. None whatsoever. And now that kid is going to whine about something...dang it! Go home kid! *sniffles patheticly* I don't wanna hear it right now.

Ok. On with the updates.
What has happened?
Not much.
Still haven't met Brandon. I'm going to keep that opinion to myself though (the why) because anyone can find a blog. I'm starting to really not care. Wow. Go Shell. I think because Amanda has been acting so weird since she started seriously dating Ethan and I don't know if I even wanna be around someone who is kind of like Ethan. I NEVER want to be like she is now. But we won't talk about that, will we? No. We won't.

I should stop blogging and do something worthwhile. But there isn't much to do that is worthwhile except try and ignor the coming headache. Crap...I hate this...I'm going to have that headache for days now. It's the evil kind that stays for a couple days.
AUGH!! The whining is back.

I'm just going to go now before I poke my own eyes out for being such a baby! Good thing I'm wearing glasses...more protection from poking fingers.

Later
-Shell

2005-12-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

First I must tell Carol I'm sorry. I just can't blog it. Most people wouldn't understand and...I just can't. I'll call you about it tonight because choir was canceled (CRAZY people. We have like, one practice left before show and we are so bad) and tell you about it. I think...maybe....either that or I'll just lay down and sleep as soon as I get home. I laid down today and I like, fell straight asleep. And had the weirdest dream and didn't even freakin move. I always move when I sleep. It was so weird.

Ohohoho! I gave blood for the first time yesterday. I'll tell you about it, since I'm at work, no one is on MSN and there is hardle anyone in here. Of course there is the normal "If I suddenly drop off, its because the boss or adult clerk is coming", but I thought I would remind you.
ON WITH MY TALE!

*ahem*
So. A few years ago, Sean and Justin brought up the simple fact that I needed to give blood. So at the next blood drive, a happily went to give. And wasn't old enough...buggering people! But Sean and Justin kept on bothering me about it....and I put it off and had to work and bla bla bla... until yesterday.

They had been especialy annoying (lol) about this blood drive, so I said I would go. I get done babysitting, run my errands and all that and...head off to the place of blood donation.
I pull up and I'm already freezing cold, freaking out and really hoping that at least one of those guys was there to...I dunno. I was more comfortable doing it if they were there. I walk in, they hand me the stuff I'm supposed to read, comment that I must be the grandaughter of Jean and that Aha! She is working in the kitchen. Thanks people. It helped my day to know grandma was working in the Red Cross kitchen.

There I sit, reading everything - did you know that if you've been to England you totally can't give blood? - and Sean walks by and nods. Hooray! Shell is comforted!
They ask for my S.S. and info and bla bla bla...and then I get my finger poked and my blood tested and that hurt. But I'm not really freaking out yet. I merly think on the headphones stashed in my bag, and take comfort from them (Since I can't see anyone I know there. Dunno what happend to Sean at that point).
There sits a cart of rather disgusting juice which they force me to drink. I personaly think it was a tranquilizer...but thats just me....
I lay down on the chair thing and start to freak out. Aha! Grab headphones! Will help! Avril always helps.
She didn't help.
The nice nurse comes over and checks my S.S. (again. Third time. PEOPLE! COME ON!! IT'S...heh heh heh...yeah right.) and name and all that. She's like "This your first time?"
"Yes" (in very high pitched voice)
"Well you'll be fine"
"Thank you!" (in higher pitched voice)
She cleans off my arm, marks the veins, swabs it with some crazy stuff and all that. I'm like "Wow...look at that window over there!" Trying to not even think about the fact that very soon, a large needle will be sitting in my arm.
So all that gets done and shes like "Ok. Your going to feel a sharp pain and some burning."
"WHAT?!?!?" (in my head)
"You want to look away?"
"HECK YES I WANNA LOOK AWAY!! WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU!??!?" (in head also)
(out loud) "I think so."
*looks away and realizes that utter terror has taken over. Crap. Is terrified. Feels sharp pain and burning and almost tells her to take it out! Can't take it! Can't stand the needle in my arm! But calms herself and says things like "Chicken!" "What will Sean and Justin say??" "What about the greater good?"*
It was a throughly terrifying experiance. I'm laying there, singing with Avril and Sean comes over and is like "You ok?"
"NO! GO AWAY!"
"I didn't think you would go through with it."
I DID IT AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
My arm hurts today and I'm so tired. I got winded jumping up and down with the little kids this morning. It was pathetic. I'm so freaking tired and I just feel really crappy. BUT I DID IT FOR THE GREATER GOOD!! Whatever that means...
Ah! Hooray! Next shift is here! *is happy*
Later
-Shell

Goodbye cruel world!

2005-11-30T12:04:00.000-05:00

*whines and whimpers a little bit* I want sleep. I was up until 5:00 doing that stupid paper. And then I was so tired I couldn't go to sleep so I layed there until at least 5:30 and...it was horrible. It wasn't so bad the next day, I was alright and everything. Then came english class (Which I was late to because I was trying to type my paper up because stupid me decided to write it all down. I write better on paper, plus I don't ramble as much. But anyways, I was late and still didn't get all of it and had to have the first 1/2 and the conclusion in thepeer edit. Everyone thought it sucked. ) and I was like, falling asleep while I was peer grading these papers...it was terrible. I'll fall asleep if she is lecturing, but I've never been that sleepy while actually doing something.

My cold got so bad and my head feels like it weighs about 30 pounds. Plus my hair needs washed and I'm wearing glasses and I'm in public and some really weird people just walked into the library. Wow. Why? They do not look like library people. SCARY! They are re-doing the rood here and its like, freaking loud.

I just want to shower and sleep for the rest of the day. I just might...HA! Except I have to work tonight. Darn it all...then Sean forgot some of his sword moves and we test on Saturday so I have to help him with that after work and then I have choir practice....BUT I WANT SLEEP. Plus I want to see the next episode of Lost. I'm only on disc 3. Almost done with it. Charley just got hauled away by the guy who they realized was never on the plane. Hooray! Wait...I'm spoiling it for you, aren't I? oh well... Bwhahahahahahaha!

So. Testing on Saturday. I'm afraid. I do not know any of the writen work at all. None of the new cuts. All I know is the forms, draw and return, and how to decapitate someone - which was in the form, I just never thought about that move that way before until I was doing it wrong and he was like "You're chopping their head off, see?" And I did and I was like "Hooray! I can decapitate someone now!" it is by far my favorite move. Except for that sweet move that goes : Right hanging block, turn right and came down with a right chop. Um...its not called a chop. I don't know why I can't think of the name right now. Swipe? Hack?....CUT!! Aha! A cut! A chop...what have I been taking today? Weelll...tylenol sinus. Thats about it. And a bowl of CHEX. Which I love. I am a CHEX fan. I always have been. Since childhood.

Why isn't mom here yet? I think she forgot she was supposed to pick me up. Great...but I get my car back on Sunday! *does happy dance* I am so excited! I get to drive again! FREEDOM!! Shopping, hauling people around, work, randomness, coffee runs, ect. You have no idea how much I miss that little old van *hugs van*

I'm feeling really boring today. Like my blog is boring. I think it is. What can I tell you that will actually be remotely exciting? Hhmmm....nothing? NO! There has to be something. Something...something...something....something....think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think....Wow! That was really fun to type that that many times. I think think think think think think think think I'll do it again! *is sniggering in the library* Think Think Think Think Think Think Think Think Think Think...Oooo!! With the caps button!
Oh yeah...I'm supposed to start the next chapter in my darned fan fiction. I told my editor that I would get on that as soon as the play and soccer season was over. And now its like "Ummm....after finals" I'm never going to get to that. I just know I won't. Not that any people read it anyhow. *points to side bar* Go to the link that says something about Lord Of The Rings or fan fictions or something like that if you wish to read it. Everyone stops after the first chpater because it ends so freaking depressing. Plus I need to work on it because it sounds like really immature writing. hOORAY! Ride is here.
Later
-Shell

bows humbly like a dwarf

2005-11-29T01:08:00.000-05:00

First off, I should apologize to me avid readers *bows humbly like a dwarf*. I haven't updated in forever. I do advise going to the blog of the chick who left the 3ed note on my last post. It just started, but I know it will be just as random as my own (seeing as I named it for her. *nods proudly*).

I just found the oddest thing. Someone took three of the unfinished bags of chips and tied them all shut with a phone cord. Thats what clothspins are for stupid!

At the moment, I should not be blogging. No! I should be finishing a paper that is due tomorrow and that I haven't started. I'm know I'm going to be here until at least 3:00 a.m., if not 4:00 or 5:00. But I have coffee, a dwindling suply of potatoe chips and good music to comfort me. Also its freezing in here and my back hurts and my head hurts and my eyes feel dirty...but no matter! I have an A in this class and I intend to keep it that way!

Umm...my chips are gone. *starts to look aruond wildly* WHERE ARE MY POTATOE CHIPS?!?!?! I WANT MORE!! GIVE ME...*ahem* Sorry. Had a moment there. It has passed. *sniffles*

Oh! I am hooked on LOST now. I rented the 1st season, since I hadn't really ever seen it (we only have the TV for movies, not actual TV). And I'm hooked. I'm at the part where the guy setting up the transeiver is trying to figure out where the signal is coming from, and he got the crap knocked out of him by a large peice of wood being swung by who-knows-who. And thinking about it while in this dark and cold room, alone, is very creepy and I'm going to change the subject now. Quickly.

Augh! So much has happend but I have no time to tell you about it! I will update tomorrow night after class I think. If not...Well...*sobs* farewell! Ahhh!! I have testing for Koryo Gumdo this weekend! I'm afraid...I had to miss the last two classes...well, didn't have to miss the last one. They changed class times at the class I had to miss, and didn't bother to tell me. THANKS A LOT INSTRUCTOR...SIR! So I showed up at the regular time then called the instructor to demand why no one was there and...yeah. So I have to test without knowing any of the book work or new cuts, and I haven't sparred since the last test because we don't spar that often, except I know they did the last 2 classes because we spar in testing. Plus Sean didn't show to either of the classes I missed so I don't even have anyone to talk to about what I missed. DEATH! DOOM! Well, the instructor did say that I was ready to test. But I barely passed the writen test last time. How will I this time? I better pass...$50 is a lot of money to someone in my situation of life and lore.

I really need to go finish that paper. This is almost as bad as that stupid essay I wrote my sophmore year about Female Pirates in History. Except harder. I've never writen a pursuasive essay before and I'm dying here people!!! College is evil.

Later

-Shell

Is giggling and depressed

2005-11-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Can one be giggling and depressed at the same moment?
Can one be a sworne enemy of a person one moment, and a friend the next?
Can one truly wish they were still in English class?
And can one actually write a paper the night before it is due and get an A on it?

Yes.

Why am I talking like a flaming idiot?

Unknown.

Should I want to poke someones eyes out because...they deserve it?

A resounding YES!

And does talking on MSN and emailing actually constitute as a friendship?

Unknown.

Should I change to my happy earings in order to help move along the happy feeling that has come over me in the past few moments?

Indeed.

And will good result if I stop talking to you in question-answer form?

I think so.

*looks back and starts some more chuckling*
What I really need now is my happy hat. With a happy hat, and happy earings, I can truly enjoy myself.

*starts bouncing around because it makes the happy earings jingle and sound like bells*

I have a lot I need to vent, but instead, I shall simply have a happy entry. Except for that I'm really upset that these computers will not play my music. They have no speakers...We hates them! We hates them!

Later
-Shell

What...the heck...

2005-11-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

I'm acting obnoxious and immature at the moment. I know I am. But at least I'm admitting it. But sheeezze people! Please, allow me a moment of annoyed and childish behavior.
*stomps a lot like a rotten little kid*
Ok. Its not all better. But it helps.
We had Beths bachelorete party last night. It was fun. There was myself, Amanda, Maih, the other Amanda, Tristin, Abby, Sarah and of course, Beth. Small, but fun. I enjoyed myself. I even got a 34 in bowling, hooray! Better than the 16 I got a couple weeks ago.

So. It was fun. Until...weell...Maih called her boyfriend (who is friends with Beths fiance) and they were were like, 2 blocks away from us hanging out and Maih and Beth were like "Come over!"
Meanwhile, Amanda had called her boyfriend (who is a friend of Brandon) and said "Come over! And bring Brandon!" So Brandon was like "Ok. Fun." And then didn't come because he had *ahem* promised his little brother that afternoon that he was going to hang out at the house. I'm sorry people...I don't know if he was telling the truth or not. If so, I guess it was ok. I mean...if he did promise his brother and all. BUT PEOPLE! COME ON! Whatever. My biggest thing is if it was like "Well, I don't really wanna meet Shell" and yeah. I'm being an insecure, obnoxiouse, spoilt child right now though! Let me think however I want!

So it ended up, Maih, Amanda and Beth all had their guys and I was stuck sitting through the movie between Miah and Amanda, who were both just hanging all over their boyfriends and it was weird and...annoying and I wanted to kill both of them. I would never tell them that, though I probly should. But I really just wanted to kick both of them. IT WAS A FREAKIN BACHELORETE PARTY!! Why were the boyfriends there???!!? *kicks things and whimpers* Yes, I had not objections to Brandon coming, and with Brandon, Ethan was going to come of course (Amandas guy). And therefor, I shouldn't have had any objections to anyone else coming. Except for the huge thing of after the movie. During the movie was annoying enough. But after, Amanda, Mariha and I were all going back in Amandas car. But Miah was like "Um...I'm going with Dan." And Amanda was like "Oh! We're going out to get something to eat with Ethan!" Well...not like that. She was really nice about it and was like "Are you sure you ok with it?" But she was so sad, I was like "Whatever. Its fine." But it was really weird and AUGH!! I HATE HANGING OUT WITH GIRLS AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS!! I HATE IT!! I swear on my honor, I will NEVER ask my friends to hang out with me and my boyfriend. Only if someone else is along for them to talk to. AUGH!! And Miah kept cracking jokes about me being single and stuff and I laughed but I really just wanted to cry and leave. It wasn't funny. Most of the time, I don't care. I hold to my stance that boyfriends will only bring me more stress, ect., until after I'm out of highschool. But times like last night, it wasn't funny. It wasn't even ok. It was horrible.
Plus...sheezz....another spoilt child moment is coming...Brandon totally didn't even email and say sorry. Whattheheck is up with that? Whatever...maybe he hasn't had time...maybe he didn't care...maybe I need sleep really badly. We didn't get home until 3:00 a.m. and I had to be up at 8:30 and...well...now I'm at work and falling asleep. I think I'm going to go make some coffee as soon as the clerk gets back. Coffee is good for me...

I really hope someone jolly stops by today. I'm just feeling depressed. Severly. And gosh dang it! I can't even talk right and I have to sing a song full of high notes today! And I can't sing! And I really need to just go have a good cry, take a couple tylenol and sleep for about 38 hours. And get over what people think. People are evil. Very.

Sorry this post is so full of female teenage drama. But hey, thats me.

-Shell

Go away...stop calling...

2005-11-15T22:47:00.000-05:00

Heh heh heh...am IMing Brandon. He is amusing. Highly. And wants to come down with Ethan to meet and greet. Which would be...interesting. I am amused. Highly. And there is no one else in this building. Which is also amusing. HAVOC COULD REIGN! *ahem*

Later
-Shell

My foot really hurts.

2005-11-13T23:06:00.000-05:00

I am now updating from my email. I wonder if I have to go in a republish to let the res of you see it...hhhmm...

Nothing much happend. Except that whole, kicking the chair when I was actually meaning to kick someone else and then...well...it hurt really bad and I almost cried. Today the foot is swollen the bruise hasn't shown up yet. Which means its going to be a SWEET one. Like the bruise from trying to run and slide on my knees on the stage took days to show up. It hurt right away, but it didn't look sweet until like...I dunno...Sunday or Monday and I did it on a Thursday. And that time that I got kicked in the calf during the soccer game on a Monday and it didn't look pretty unti Wednesday.

I can't wait to see it. I love bruises...Horray!

So I totally called the girl at the college and left a message that she needed to call me because I had something I needed to talk to her about. Mainly...well...can't be in her play because mom and dad threw a fit and yeah...well...yeah. It got a part too. Which made me mad. Do you people realize that I could get scholarships off of this?? No. No you don't.

Whatever.

So I totally emailed Brandon. Whom I have never met. He is Amanda's boyfriends best friend. Or roomate...I don't remember. But I talked to him on the phone the other day and it was kind of amusing. And I ended our conversation rather abruptly. Just kind of went "Well, here's Amanda!" And left. But I have realized that phone conversations with people that you've never met never go very well. Nothing to talk about, nothing to say. Nothing, nothing, nothing. And then there is the wierd and uncomfortable silences...yeah. Not good.

Anways. I'm totally rambling! I just wanted to see if it would work to update from my email!

Later

-Shell

p.s. I dont' really see the point. How much harder is it to sign into our blog than it is to sign into your email?

Search, shop, and browse smarter using tabs with the MSN Search Toolbar-FREE!

I am seventeen, going on eighteen....(also known as TRIPLE POSTING!! BWAHAHA!)

2005-11-12T18:04:00.000-05:00

Ok. I've decided to be...considerate and not tell the world about my observations of certain people *cough*SeandandJustin*cough* It really isn't anyone else's problem, just my own...observations. They are amusing observations to be sure, but mine and mine alone. Plus if they ever find my blog...well...doom could befall me. BUT!! Has that ever stopped me before?? No. No it hasn't. Why do I give a flyin' hoot now?

Ah. Perhaps we all really have become friends. I have learned not to talk about your friends on your blog because even if they don't read it, someone they know does. I did that with Kelsey, and look at us now, can't say a decent word to each other. I'm sure we could if we tried, but she doesn't want to speak to me again. And it was not entirely due to the blogging-ness of doom (not here, but at my other blog. Whose position I will never disclose), but some of it was. Anyways. I am speculating that the reason I've decided to not tell you about the strange-ness of Justin and Sean (mostly Sean right now) is that I think we all might really have become friends. Well, as good a friends as we could, considering how little (or much, depends on who you are) we have hung out.

SO, all that to say, I am going to say nothing at all.

Yes.

Nothing at all.
*sings it in very high notes (or very low notes)* "Nothiiiing aaaaat aaaaaaaaaallllllllllll!!!!"

Later
-Shell

Double posting! MWAHAHA!

2005-11-12T17:48:00.000-05:00

How did I know they would come in today?? HOW DID I KNOW??

I simply knew. I was like "I bet Sean and Justin will come in today. I bet they will."

And they did. They came in a lot later than I expected them too, but they came. It was the weirdest thing. I just knew. HOW DID I KNOW??
Wait...I've already said that...

Sean has been acting weird lately. And those crazy Johovas Witness guys are in again today. They never have anything to say to us here, but I've seen them out attacking people on the street corners. Its kinda cool actually. Most people don't have the guts to do something like that.
And I'm going to go clean that now...even though I don't have too...I'll be back...Should I just post again? Or keep this post since I've already stated that Sean is being weird and that was what I was going to talk about? Or, should I (for the sake of safety) post this and begin anew when I get back from cleaning?

OH I JUST NEED TO SHUT UP!!

*sings* I'm reviewing...the situation...AND CRUD!! I have to have that draft finished by Tuesday and I forgot about it! *smacks head against hard objects*
Ok. Fine. I'm posting.

Later
-Shell

Someone save me!! I'M DYING!!!

2005-11-12T14:44:00.000-05:00

I want my van!! *starts to cry* And the regular clerk is not working today, instead, the boss is here. It's so weird working with her like she's a clerk. It's silent and not funny and weird. I like my boss, she is totally nice and even shorter than me (Hurray!), but we just don't have the clerk-to-page relationship thing. Its' like working with a new person. Except that new people can't fire you. Not that I would ever do anything to get fired, mind you, but its just this silent power that people above you have.

I'm rambling again.

And I have songs from musicals stuck in my head!! I was walking around singing ...

"Lots of chocolates for me to eat. Lots of coal makin lots of heat. Warm face, warm hadns, warms feet! Ah! Wouldn't it be loverly? Ah! So! Loverly sitting absolutelybloomin still! I would stay there until spring crept, over the window sill!"

Yes. I really was. Singing 'My Fair Lady'. I'm like walking down the hall humming and singing the low notes. I walked up to the desk and was like, snapping to the time and bobbing my head and kind of humming. It must be hysterical to watch! I've only ever seen like, 2 people do that in public. And I laughed. With them of course, since I understand their plight.

And I've been singing Oliver! songs too....
"You can go but be back soon, I dunno somehow I'll miss ya. I love ya thats why I, say cherio, not goodbye."

It's funny!!!! For me. And I'm not bored. And noone cares if you sing well known musical songs because they get stuck in everyones heads. But at the same time, we can't really break out into song here. WHY DON'T I WORK IN AN OFFICE WITH ONLY FELLOW WORKERS AND WE CAN ALL BREAK OUT INTO SONGS AND DANCE ON THE DESKS AND ....AND....ARG!!!! I wanna sing.

I think I should go now. My other personality is coming on and that is never a good thing. Neevveer a good thing. Plus the boss is coming back. Hehehe...

Later
-Shell

Do dragons still exist?

2005-11-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

I had a very interesting conversation at the college yesterday. It was amusing. But I really don't feel like writing it all out. But you should talk to Wayne about dragons. You really should. Don't know Wayne? TOO BAD!! TALK TO HIM ANYWAY!

*ahem*

I so want another session of Coffee Questions. I need an excuse to go for coffee. I'll have one on Friday (am meeting w/ Logan to talk about logic and that sort of thing. Yay!), but I want coffee now!!

Now, you might say "Shell, just go get coffee after you get off work." But it doesn't really work that way this month. You see...if you look back, I believe that I told you all about my speeding ticket when Mariha, Amanda, Sean, Justin and I went to go see a movie. Now. We (of course, the final decision was mine. But we agreed on it. Except maybe Amanda.) decided that I would just pay the ticket and get it over with, no need to worry mom and dad and make them upset. So I'll just pay it and be done with it. Except that they found out and...

I totally can't drive for a month. Dec. 4th is the end of my sentance.

They were not only mad that I got a ticket, but mostly mad that I didn't tell them about it. Then they were extra mad at me in general because they went and saw the play and were mad about that and bla bla bla...

We had a big huge talk last night in which they said that they totally couldn't trust me anymore and they were questioning if I was going where I said I was going and all that jazz. I was like "Your kidding, right?" And they totally weren't. So I said this...

"You know what, this is pathetic. I am one of the goodest kids I know. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't sleep around. I think that I've ever only gone someplace other than I said I was going, once. And I was so freaked out that you guys would find out that I left. I don't see how one thing happening, that was not even lying to you, that was an incedent that occured, could ever make you question if I'm lying to you about where I go and what I do. I am not going to tell you everything. Maybe I should have told you about the ticket, But I don't see how you can not trust me simply because I did not tell you about something that I knew I could handle."

Or something to that effect.

And then the subject abruptly changed. Too the play. And how they were disspointed that I would take a role like that. And we sure as dickens didn't see eye to eye on that subject. It was interesting.
The original sentance was an entire month of absolute grounding from everything. Otherwise translated as Death. But we took that down to, no access to the vehicle, instead, mom has to take me to work (I've been late everyday ever since this grounding went into effect) and my friends have to take me to anyplace else I wanna go. Which means they may very well find out very soon about the Coffee Question guys and I being friends. Then the whole honestly issue will come up again.

Except. I have a good reason for not talking about being friends with the Coffee guys. Someone told them that I was interested in dating Sean (which I'm not [at the moment {maybe someday but right now its a really weird idea (no, really weird idea)}]) (betcha never have seen that many of those, have you?) and we're just friends and sorta hang out and of course have the Coffee Questions), and mom freaked out on me and was like "There are better guys and he would only be interested in the one thing." Oooo...the one thing. ANYTHING BUT THE ONE THING!!!

The next time someone mentions the one thing, I'm just gonna ask them exactly what the one thing is. Because the only people who say that are people who just can't come straight out and say sex. They are pansies. And they make me want to laugh. Loudly. And long. Hehehehe....(like that) (but with pointing involved).

Anyways. I gotta go.

Later
-Shell

sniffles

2005-11-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

The lady who runs the childrens section is gone (well, she tech will be in town until Friday...but still) and they are interveiwing - seriously- a girl to take her place. It makes me sad. We had our going away party for Tasha and sang the song we wrote and all that. But I'm still super sad about it. And if the new lady is annoying in way, DEATH!!! Heh heh heh....we were joking at the party that if they hired someone who the pages (there is only 3 of us, but still) hated, we could wreak havoc!! Bwahahaha!! You want your section cleaned up?? I don't think so! *is sniggering evily now* She is kinda tall though. Why do I work with all these tall people???

I should go though. I'm a work.

Later
-Shell

Closing night

2005-11-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

Ahhh...the play is over.
Last night went well. I sang the best I ever had (in my opinion) and yeah. My acting was not as good in my mind. Simply because I just couldn't get into the character. My mind was completely someplace else. I don't even know where, it just wasn't there. Like last Saturday, I was sssooo into my character. But I had done the play enough times that even though my mind wasn't there, I could still act it out because I knew what I was going to do. I think I was starting to get bored with it.

It's crazy that I actually lived through it. I can look back at journal entries and blogs and see that I thought I was going to die. And I didn't. I did pretty darned well for my first solo-leading-actress part. YAY ME!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

We had enough 'Coffee Questions' meeting yesterday. (Coffee Questions is me, Mariha, Sean and Justin. We all get together and drink coffee and discuss very important stuff. Really. It's the only time I've ever purposly had a group of people who got together in order to be serious.) It went pretty well. I have such a hard time answering a lot of those questions.

Last night I had to finish answering the question 'What do you want to be known as when you die.' You know, what do you want people to have said about you and that kinda stuff. What are your dreams? Are you planning on getting married and having kids?

It was WAY hard for me. It wouldn't have been if it had just been Mariha, because she's like my sister. But in front of Sean and Justin was hard. I don't know them that well at all so it's really, really weird to tell them stuff like that. Justin had to answer the same question (Sean and Mariha had in the last meeting) and he is way worse about telling stuff like that then I am. I don't think he's ever had anyone to ever talk to about those kind of questions. I have with Mariha and my family and Mariha with her family and Sean with his family, but Justin just doesn't seem to have the kind of family that would have those types of discussions.

Justin had a pretty good answer. Very short compaired to Sean and Mariha's, but I thought it was sincere. My answer was pretty short too. And I said that I didn't want to have kids until later on in life because they mess up your life and that got a rousing guffaw out of everyone. And they continued to snigger about it. And I said getting married screws up your life too and there was more sniggering. I think they got the impression I'm kind of cynical about married-with-kids life. And I am.

Not to be all about me or anything, but I have a lot of stuff in life I plan to do, and I'm of the frame of mind that if God brings along the right person, I will get married. And the whole children thing will be a team decision. I'm not going to plan that part of my life out. You know, Ok. At 21 I'm getting married. At 25 we'll have our first kid because my career will be off to a good, strong start. And then we'll have our second kid when I'm 31 and...
NO! I DON'T THINK SO!!! Thats stuff in life that you can't plan. All I can plan is what I want to do career wise and what I think the best plan will be. And if it doesn't work out exactly because of a guy or kids or whatever, that is something I'm going to have to get over or deal with.

Anyways. I'm rambling about that, aren't I?

Sooo...I didn't win the hambone *sniffle* But HA!! Neither did Logan! BWAHAHAHAA!! Naw. He really wanted it really bad. I didn't even get his email last night. I'll have to call him and demand a way to keep in touch. He was a pretty cool guy. Despite the fact that he was going to ask me to marry him during Thursdays practice...*sniggers* Sorry. I'm talking about inside jokes and none of you get it. I hate it when people do that. *hobbit hugs* But...I DON'T REALLY CARE. I mean...*ahem*...sorry...Hehehe...there are far too many pauses in this paragraph...oh well...once again...I don't care...Heh heh heh...Hehehehe....*is really sniggering a lot about this* Heheheheheheheheheheeeeeeee...

OK!

*Ahem* Thats enough Shell. Quite enough.

Well. I had lots to talk about, but I can't remember what it was.
Oh. The next question for the 'Coffee Questions' is "What is your biggest fear?"
Physicaly (like for me, deep water), but also mentaly. Like, being a failure or dying of cancer or something like that. Sean couldn't think of anything he as afraid of physicaly. I didn't think he's have an easy time with that, so thats why I thought it up. I like making people think (and squirm.), except that it backfired on me last time and I couldn't tell them my answer because I felt too stupid. I gotta get over that. It's the reason for 'Coffee questions'; for the 4 of us to get to know other people and learn to open up because we all want to really be friends, not just friendly aquintences. (thats not how you spell that...). At least for me, thats what its about.

Hhhmm...that should be the next question. "Why are we having 'Coffee Questions'?" I think I'm the only one who knows its named that. Because I name it. Just now. Go me. I think we should have t-shirts. YAY!!

I should go now. This post is wwaaayyy too long and you are falling asleep reading it becuase it is so BORING!!

Later
-Shell

The Porch Of Doom

The winds of change...wait...there Are no winds of change...

Phoenix Nicole

The thought of fear brings the feeling of fear which re-thinks the thought of fear which makes it a doubt thought and double fear...

Touch my tummy and loose a hand...

Troubling

Who took my damn Rolos??

Mustard vs. Yogurt

Mushroom farm revolution kills the mind.

You think YOU'VE got problems...

Twice a day is better...

"Where you going?" "Mexico. I like tacos."

Courage is not always a roar. Sometimes it is that still small voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".

Boot Camp...= boring.

Apprehensive much? Perhaps.

It was the plan, it wasn't the plan...that wasn't the question...

This is My Country

NEXT! Please, take your shoes off before passing through the metal detector.

BUT INSTEAD

Yes, And Here You Are. Longest Story Ever.

Nothing Goes As Planned

I wish I could tell you...

Please leave a message after the tone....*tone*...go on now!

YES! ITS ME! I LIIIIIIIVE!!!

At last, I post.

Suicidal Bunnies

That one time, that I sounded like an idiot. OH! That was this morning.

My feet hurt. Curses.

Pre-test

Waltzing....

post tryouts

The milk business is apparently very heart wrenching. Oh my word! It was Gill!

LES MISERABLES

End Master Works

Master Works Festival

Germany VS. Ecuador

Promise of a Lifetime

Seriously

Faith being what?

FORGIVE ME! *giggles*

The explinations.

Angst

I pretty much rock the world

Flying golf clubs

IWBAPO

Prom...hhmmm...

Since you insist...

Mad with power...

Scholarshiping is good

Caffine will kill

And to top it all off

Teachers suck.

Post Battle of the Bands

The story.

Researching....

Analyze them all

Post Proposals

Opening Proposals

Radio Lady

Darned Squirrels

Scholarships Make Me Happy!

I love drama...and the drama in the drama

Situational Behavior

Mimes Rule

Oh cheers.

Awkward moment of the freakin week!

Steelers deserve death...

I am not dead.

Confusing people need to first be whipped, then beaten, then burned alive, and lastly, starved to death.

Um...crap.

Fear. But why?

The Outcome of Doom....sort of.

Idiot *hits head* IDIOT!

I deserve doom and destruction

Heh...cheating...

Hobbits

Shut up! Heeeheeeeeeeeeee

More shortness...

Bring it...

Painful, but speedy post

Please leave a message after the tone....tone...go on now!

FORGIVE ME! giggles

Idiot hits head IDIOT!

singing Again....agaaaaiiinnn...singing

bows humbly like a dwarf

Is giggling and depressed

sniffles